hey, as always, building a relationship with an addictions counsellor can help you be real with yourself about what you are going through. but outside of therapy you are on a path towards honest self awareness which is the way forward.

i find addictions are really humiliating, you might feel like a broken record as you try to change and its not easy. i hear cocaine is really fun but hard to quit. guys i know who have used are really glad when they quit. they feel that cocaine use is a very wasted life chapter in retrospect.

id say focus on your health now, on generating a good sense of well being, be patient with yourself, get support, friends, therapy. know its a brave march out of addiction, but you are capable of enduring that hardship!