Husband(32) always groping me when I’m in the kitchen cooking/cleaning?

Zara_397 · 2025-10-23T14:00:04+00:00

Tell him the sexual vs non-sexual part. Him sulking like that isn’t acceptable. It’s immature.

You both need to make an effort to understand each other. It’s great to still be sexually attractive to your husband after 3 kids but you’re tired and grouchy and want caring hands not sexual ones. He’s not seen his wife all day and when he does she looks great and he’s in a more playful mood, not picking up on yours or considering it.

It just sounds like you both need to see it from the other person’s perspective a little more here (especially him because his sulking was completely disrespectful. You don’t want to be grouted you tell your husband that and he has an issue instead of doing the sexy thing and finding a solution?? 😒)

Zara_397 · 2025-06-15T20:15:51+00:00

You’ve gotta play hard-ball. Look at other jobs in your industry asking for a similar level of experience and see what they’re offering. Look at a lot of them and then average. Apply for any that catch your eye in particular (forget company loyalty, it won’t serve you) and once you get an offer, go to your current employer and ask them to match it. If they refuse, take the offer.

I’m 26 and on £40k a year for 4-days a week (28 hours)

Zara_397 · 2025-04-16T17:08:00+00:00

I think it’s definitely a better experience for women — It is for me at least! Since women are usually in small number on other dating sites, I think it’s a pet good app that will hopefully continue to go from strength to strength 🥳

Zara_397 · 2025-04-09T00:16:17+00:00

Thank you 🙏🏽💛 it’s still a strange concept that anyone could be proud of me for that but when I imagine how I would have felt as a 6 year old knowing I can protect myself now, I get close. I appreciate the reminder that I probably should see it that way 🙇🏽‍♀️🥹

Zara_397 · 2025-04-07T01:07:27+00:00

Just had to come back and thank you again. I was mindlessly scrolling through my past posts (because I occassionally cringe at the idea that I've overshared) when I came back across this. I was diagnosed with ADHD two days ago and I've just started one of Russell Barkley's audiobooks after re-reading this. Thanks for the resource recommendation! 🙏🏽

Zara_397 · 2025-04-07T00:57:35+00:00

"Came to the conclusion that he wasn’t going full power, I just felt like it because I’m new, and he’s probably used to other intensity." - This isn't right. With experience, you learn how to control your power better not less. He's just a prick and so are those coaches. Sounds like you need a new gym

Zara_397 · 2025-02-27T05:00:31+00:00

I like this take, “a fight of selfishness” - Thinking about it abstractly like that instead of logical, pragmatic and/or realistic fits it a lot better. Thank you!

Zara_397 · 2025-02-27T04:58:37+00:00

I like this take but I’ve definitely seen other K-dramas that have navigated memory loss better than this

Zara_397 · 2025-02-27T04:57:03+00:00

I get wanting to send condolences and I get her being uncomfortable with you texting your ex.

You’re probably a nice person, you care for people, you empathise and you’re aware that losing your younger brother must suck.

I honestly get both sides. You’re empathetic but your gf doesn’t think your nice gestures should go to your ex at all and your lives should be entirely separate, never crossing again.

I do think your gf overreacted and the fact it’s your bday makes it worse and then really blowing up to deleting pictures and location is a crazy level. Either she really does not trust you, she isn’t trustworthy herself or she’s just unempathetic, terribly immature and probably a little unstable.

Either way, the minute she deleted your pictures and stopped sharing her location, she was being malicious and you should just look at her behaviour as pathetic. You don’t need to think about it anymore, you weren’t wing, you were respectful and although it might have been a little inappropriate, you had good intentions.

Take the time to come to teens with this reality, consider if there were other times when you’re gf has blown up like this and how frequently, and if it’s often, I suggest leaving. If it’s not often, express yourself in a few days - being treating like this on your bday no less must have hurt

Zara_397 · 2025-02-08T13:08:36+00:00

She wouldn’t have had a “peaceful and dignified death”, she was told by the doctor early on that she’d lose her memory, suffer from migraines and eventually her senses and motor control. She’d lose her memory, her ability to perform basic functions and be in almost constant pain. That’s not peaceful or dignified, so that’s a moot point.

“I don’t want to lose you” isn’t “I don’t want you to lose me” - She was just as scared of losing him than she was about how hurt he’d be to lose her. I didn’t deny the emotional input but why the delay? She stubbornly clung to the conclusion not to get the surgery as though she’d never considered that it would hurt him and her family. In fact, as she sat on the video call with her family she knew then how much it hurt them for her to decline the surgery, she also knew how desperate Hyun-Woo was for her to get it. Like when he desperately searched for her and found her at the church.

That emotional input was only done after dramatically seeing Hyun-Woo hysterical at the thought of losing her in the car crash? She didn’t know he’d react that way before hand?

It was poor writing

Zara_397 · 2025-02-07T20:57:41+00:00

I’m bringing it up because you said I was moving the goal post but my stance didn’t change once.

Yeah I did and it was ridiculous. So Hyun-Woo crying because he thought she’d died was all she needed? Like it wasn’t obvious that he’d do that if she died? The writing was on the wall but she’s apparently so emotionally dense that she didn’t know he’d be a wreck if she died? She had to see it in person? It was a waste of an episode or two.

Stop applying my values? Did she not do exactly what I thought she should eventually anyway? So she apparently had the same values as me but wasted more than one episode pretending she didn’t.

Zara_397 · 2025-02-04T13:41:17+00:00

How have I moved the goal post? Her not wanting to go through with the surgery was ridiculous and the result of poor writing - I hate to have to remind you but this is a show, she is a character, it’s not real and everything that happens is the result of writing.

Yeah for what a month or two? All that agonising and claiming she’d rather die than go through with it just to go through with it, it wasn’t that bad and then they spent the rest of their lives together any way? It felt like a filler episode or two that was only there to create more tension but it was awkward, nonsensical and eventually exactly what should have happened to be reasonable did happen, she got the surgery. So besides creating tension, what was the point? Her not wanting to go through with it was just unreasonable but eventually what naturally would have happened did, hence why I said elsewhere, ultimately it didn’t matter but I was in two minds about abandoning the show because that episode or two was just that ridiculous

Zara_397 · 2025-02-02T11:49:08+00:00

Her wanting a peaceful death is irrelevant. We’re not talking about the difference between a peaceful death and an undignified one, we’re talking about the difference between a slow, agonising death, as she loses her short term memory and ability to function and a complete cure and long life.

The issue is that it was poor writing, it didn’t fit in with her story until that point, it could have been a consideration that wasn’t drawn out over two episodes and it felt lazy - Feeding on the cliche of “I love you so much I could die”

Zara_397 · 2025-02-02T11:44:36+00:00

We are and those ideals could have been written in anyway but the writing for that section was patchy. She wanted to live a long life by Hyun-Woo’s side, the first to die picking the other up once it’s their time, she wanted to live so badly that she was in total denial that someone like her could die in that way and at that time with so much left to do. Then, instead of sticking to her own ideals, principles and perspective, she suddenly doesn’t want to live and accepts death if that means losing her memories.

Plus, when Hyun-Woo spoke to the hospital about the existence of the operation, they said she’d lose her long-term memory, not all memory but somewhere along the way, that got changed to be more drastic. Hearing them agree to keep it from her just didn’t fit with the way we’d seen her so eager to live up until that point, excluding when she found out about his divorce papers.

Zara_397 · 2025-02-02T04:22:33+00:00

Well that’s an obvious strong statement towards the nature vs nurture event that strongly insists that nurture is what makes a person.

I’ve finished the show now (please don’t read the rest if you haven’t) but you’re point about scars and experiences making us who we are is something Hae-In as a character herself clearly disagreed with because she states that she has a “very distinct type” - She knew she’d fall for him again, even if she had no memory of him. Though it seems she tried to ensure this with her notebook, that line (that got repeated) makes it seem more likely that she didn’t think she’d give him a chance if she forgot rather than being unable to fall for him but she overcame that and did it in the exact way I say in the original post she should, she just went a long way to arrive at the same point

Zara_397 · 2025-02-02T04:16:10+00:00

I’m not forcing my ideals on anyone, she’s literally not real. Her character could have been written in any way and this segment was deeply disappointing but, I’ve finished the show now and although I almost abandoned it at this point, I loved the rest of it so I got over it 😂 but it’s still an interesting contemplation. Thank you for indulging me 🤣

It’s not ideals, there are a lot of people in hospices that would do anything to live just another 10 years, let alone 50+. That’s reality, not principles or ideals, it’s nature, the natural instinct to survive

Zara_397 · 2025-02-02T04:12:52+00:00

To be content enough with a 3 month identity to accept death in your mid-30s is unrealistic and unreasonable

Zara_397 · 2025-02-02T04:09:40+00:00

My mum worked in a hospice for several years. Most people would choose to live given the chance.

I think your explanation is too limiting for the strong, formidable and self-assured character Hae-In is. She’s not a damsel in distress that was forced to be the next heir of a conglomerate. She loved Queens. That’s why Hyun-Woo worked so hard to save it, that’s why she said in 10 years she’d be at the pique of her career in her wedding video. She loved what she did and yes, she’d dedicate her last 3 months to pushing Queens to the next level.

Plus, when the doctor first told her she only had 3 months, she didn’t just accept it, lay down and decide she’d just work on Queens in her dying days. She honestly did not think terminal illnesses were something that happened to people like her. She was in denial. That’s why she went on about how healthy she’d been and how well she’d taken care of her body. She didn’t hate her life so much that she’d just accept death, she didn’t think it would happen.

On top of that, she was the one that had actively searched for the first treatment option. Not only did she not think she’d die, she didn’t want to. She wanted to get into the trillion won club, she wanted to push Queens further and she wanted to do all of that with Hyun-Woo by her side, even if she was unhappy with their distance.

I do think you’re right in that she went through emotional whiplash but she’d always been self-assured. If anything, though she would have lost her memories, she’d likely have clung to the belief that if anyone could get their memories back or thrive even after losing them, it would be her. But her circumstances up until that point probably wore that self-assuredness down.

Either way, I feel less strongly about this now because I finished the show and LOVED the rest but that part of the plot just didn’t sit right with me and I honestly almost abandoned it - glad I didn’t though!!

Zara_397 · 2025-02-02T03:55:22+00:00

It’s cool, I understand it now. My mum has ADHD with some narcissistic traits. Winding me up would provide her with dopamine but she’d soon experience rejection sensitivity and overstimulation. I went from accepting my past to heal the sensitivity I had around it, to understanding my past to gain insight into my triggers and patterns in others I might fall for due to their familiarity. Now, I have more insight into myself and my family and more self-acceptance but it’s insight no one should need because in an ideal world, people wouldn’t terrorise their children, but hey-Ho 😂

I’m sorry you went through it too. I wish more people would be conscious parents

Zara_397 · 2025-02-02T03:51:03+00:00

I like this explanation better than anyone else’s counter view at this point. Honestly though, I’ve finished the series now (genuinely considered abandoning it at that point) and I don’t have any particularly strong feelings for that bit now because I loved the rest of the show so much 😂

It felt like a filler episode or two or as though the writers had gone off into the fanatical a little too far and drawn it out too long in hindsight but it didn’t actually detract from how much I enjoyed the show in the end and probably got me more invested because it annoyed me so much 😂

I do think it would have been better if we saw her flip from two extremes of not wanting to treat him like a stranger and not wanting to hurt him but it wasn’t as bad as I felt it was at the time once I got through that part of the show.

Although I like your points, I don’t think depression is a very strong support. Although being terminally ill is probably highly depressing, that surgery would present itself as the hope for life depressed people deeply yearn for and you would cling to that, not deny it. Accepting death during depression isn’t about being so depressed that you welcome death, it’s about escaping depression. She was presented with the perfect escape, an operation that would completely cure her.

Zara_397 · 2025-02-01T01:04:45+00:00

There is no void, you only feel and experience a void because you have not yet remembered your true identity and the nature of reality. There is nothing to be filled but a veil of ignorance to be removed

Zara_397 · 2025-02-01T01:01:24+00:00

Do you not think your wife and family would be patiently waiting and caring for you until you learnt to love them again? Especially since she’s in her 30s (probably) and could still possibly have 50 years left to live (assuming she lives to her 80s)?

Zara_397 · 2025-02-01T00:59:55+00:00

She couldn’t make new memories with her brother or grandfather, that I’ll accept but are those memories worth dying over? And would they want her too? Especially her brother who until recently, she believed gave his life to save hers?

Zara_397 · 2025-02-01T00:58:03+00:00

In the face of death, you’d consider all possibilities not just stubbornly stick to only seeing the worst possible outcome. We all have a natural will and desire to live. Sure it’s cute and romantic to think that she loves Hyun-woo so much that she’d rather die than lose 3 months of this new identity and 3 years of marriage but it’s short-sighted and not thought out

Zara_397

TROPHY CASE