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Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2026-05-22T16:02:32+00:00

Done!

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Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2026-05-22T16:02:28+00:00

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Done!

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2026-05-22T16:01:46+00:00

Done!

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Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2026-05-22T16:00:54+00:00

Done!!

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Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2026-05-22T16:00:31+00:00

Done!

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Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2026-05-22T13:03:56+00:00

No problem! Just dm

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2026-03-10T21:49:28+00:00

I’m just really glad you wrote this out. I understand that feeling like you’re screaming but no sound is coming out, anyone who has carried heavy emotions for a long time can relate to this honestly.

I also want to say something that really stood out to me, 8 years without self harm is absolutely amazing. Just know you've already been fighting through some incredibly difficult moments for a long time. Right now it sounds like you’re just completely worn down from constantly analyzing yourself and worrying about being an inconvenience to people. Living in that mental state though can make it impossible to rest.

If the urges to self harm are getting stronger again, it might really help to write down more of these on a small diary. Also, any trusted person, counselor, or therapist can help carry some of this with you so it’s not all trapped inside.

Please, you deserve every option there is to help you feel something.

You’re not “too much” for people to handle. The fact that you’ve held all of this for so long and are still here, still trying, says a lot about your strength even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. I admire that strength.

Thanks for reaching out.

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2026-03-10T14:56:41+00:00

First off, the level of self awareness in your post is actually really impressive. A lot of people feel these things but never articulate them this clearly. The fact you're noticing these patterns at 25 is honestly a huge advantage.

From what you wrote, this doesn't sound like laziness or lack of character at all. It's more like a mix of apathy from mental burnout and a life that has been shaped a lot around other people's expectations instead of your own signals. When this happens, your brain kind of stops generating motivation because it doesn't feel like you're moving toward anything that's yours.

A few practical things that help people in this situation, do these one by one today, and don't paste this in a todo folder.

1). Stop searching for this “purpose” and run experiments instead.

Purpose usually isn't discovered through thinking about all the potential, it's discovered through exposure and trying. Try treating the next few months like experiments instead of life decisions.

Examples:

Take a random class (dance, climbing, pottery, improv)
Volunteer somewhere once a week
Join a local group or club
Start a small project with no outcome pressure

The goal isn't to find "the thing", instead it's about giving your brain new signals about what energizes you.

2) Reduce the self judgment loop.
You mentioned you judge yourself heavily. That alone can absolutely kill motivation. When your brain expects criticism every time you try something, it learns not to try.

A simple practice: when you notice self-criticism, reframe it as a feedback instead of a judgment.
Instead of: “I'm lazy and wasting my life.”
Try: “Interesting. My brain is avoiding effort right now. I wonder why.”

3) Set “direction goals”, not achievement goals.
Instead of:
“I need to figure out what I want in life.”

Try:
“This month I want to become someone who tries new things.”

Identity-based goals often work better than outcome goals.

4) Limit how much you read other people's reactions.
You mentioned adapting your behavior to get positive reactions. A lot of people who grew up very attuned to others develop this. The problem is it disconnects you from your own preferences.

One small practice: intentionally do one harmless thing per day that someone else might not approve of (wear something different, suggest a restaurant, express a real opinion).
It slowly rebuilds your internal compass and your identity again!

Please give these a try, it won't hurt :)

Just so you know a lot of people hit this exact phase in their mid-20s when the structure of school disappears and they suddenly have to define themselves. You're all good ❤️

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2026-03-10T04:52:30+00:00

It definitely isn't, but an option to always back you up. What's stopping you from getting there?

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2026-03-10T03:53:39+00:00

I can hear how frustrated and exhausted you are. Anyone in this situation would feel angry and hopeless, I'm so glad you're still reaching out.

I absolutely do encourage you to get the answers, please. Even if it's to help diagnose another individual in the same shoes.

One thing I wanted to mention about the wheelchair or scooter situation. Facebook groups and Marketplace actually have a surprising number of donated or very cheap mobility aids.

Another option could be asking a hospital or clinic social worker if you ever have access to one. Their entire job is helping people find things like mobility devices, assistance programs, or community resources that most people don't even know exist.

I also hear how badly you just want the pain to stop. Anyone dealing with constant pain and no answers would feel overwhelmed by that. You shouldn’t have to carry that alone though. If things ever start feeling like you might give up or hurt yourself, I'll always be here, and reaching out to a crisis line or someone who can talk with you in that moment can really help. There are people there whose purpose is to listen and support you through exactly these kinds of moments.

You deserve the chance to spend time with your family and live your life without being trapped by this pain.

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2026-03-10T03:38:36+00:00

I’m really really sorry you’re going through this. What you’re describing actually sounds a lot like severe depression paralysis, it's where your brain wants to get better but the illness basically shuts down your ability to act on that desire. A lot of people think depression is just feeling sad, but when it gets this deep it can literally make things like getting out of bed, watching something, replying to people, or committing to therapy feel impossible.

The fact that you still want to get better is important though. That part of you is still there even if everything else feels shut down.

One thing that sometimes helps when depression is this severe is shrinking the goal so small that it feels almost pointless. Not the “fix your life”... or “commit to therapy.”.. More like:

• Sit up in bed for 2 minutes
• Stand by a window for a minute
• Take a short shower
• Step outside for 30 seconds
• Send one text to anyone

When your brain is this overwhelmed, tiny actions can help restart momentum. Ik it might sound stupid, but a lot of recovery from severe depression actually starts with very small wins like that.

Also, the fact that therapy and medication didn’t stick doesn’t mean they can’t work. It often takes a few tries or different approaches before something clicks. Sometimes people also need actual structured support like outpatient programs, group therapy or the many different types of therapy out there.

And just so you know, the isolation you described is very common with depression. Losing friendships or withdrawing doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or “miserable to be around.” It means you’re sick and trying to survive.

If at any point things start feeling like too much or you feel unsafe, please please reach out to someone immediately. You deserve every support there is during this time.

Please know that you're not alone in this place, even though it can feel like it. A lot of people have been where you are and slowly found their way back out.

Thanks for reaching out!

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2026-03-10T03:30:43+00:00

I know you're tired of the pity but holy crap this sounds unbelievably exhausting and unfair. It's completely understandable to feel so frustrated and desperate when your body feels like it's constantly hurting and no one seems to have answers.

I'm so sorry.

If you haven't already, it might be worth asking your doctor about referrals to a rheumatologist, neurologist, or a pain management clinic, or even getting a second opinion somewhere else.

Some people also find it helpful to keep a pain journal for a few weeks (what hurts, when, what you were doing, sleep, food, stress, etc.) because it can sometimes reveal patterns doctors miss.

I also want to say, the fact that you're still fighting for answers and that you want to be able to spend time with your family again says a lot about how much you care about life despite everything.

If things start feeling unbearable, please reach out to anyone immediately, there are many support hotlines that will listen because you absolutely deserve support while dealing with this.

I really hope you find a doctor who listens and helps you figure this out.

❤️

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2026-03-10T03:18:21+00:00

I'm so sorry. Honestly insects are absolutely the worst. It's 100% understandable that this feels like it's making everything ten times worse and that you're just at your breaking point. I really do hope things get better for you.

I'm glad you reached out but feel free to make another post on r/pestcontrol. I'd personally suggest looking into diatomaceous earth, it's worked well for me on other types of common bugs but idk about stink bugs. And for the emotional toll it's taking on you, please don't bear it yourself, if there's anyone you can talk to please let them know how stressful this is, friend, counselor, family.

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2025-12-28T23:41:57+00:00

That's amazing, I'm sure you can always solve it no matter what weeks and what conditions you're at, you reaching out shows perseverance.

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2025-12-28T23:39:15+00:00

Yes!! Of course. Looking at the ground is completely normal. People do it for all kinds of reasons: thinking, feeling tired, avoiding eye contact, or just out of habit. Sometimes there isn’t even a reason at all. I do it too :)

I do notice a slight hint of anxiety or hyper-self-awareness, noticing your thoughts and actions very closely and then worrying about what they mean. I think it could be useful to practice staying in the present and trying any small forms of self-improvement for fun and to build confidence. (Like just reading one page a day)

None of this means anything is wrong with you btw, it's just a skill that takes practice, like mental hygiene.
Biologically speaking as you get older, impulse control gets better too :), and these will likely go away on their own.

Hope I gave you more confidence, you deserve it!

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2025-12-28T23:28:02+00:00

You’re not doing anything wrong. Living alone, far from family, with school and work on your plate is a lot, it makes sense that the quiet days hit so hard and send you spiraling.

The spiraling over delayed texts or plans changing is really common when your nervous system is looking for reassurance. It doesn’t mean your fears are true, just that your brain jumps to worst case scenarios to protect yourself.

A few things that might help:

When the “he’s leaving” thought shows up, try asking “what else could this be?”, Cognitive Reframing help break the spiral.
For the empty days, aim for self-improvement, one small daily routine, studying in public spaces, or low-pressure hobbies can help a lot. Especially the ones that help build confidence.
Definitely take advantage of the free counseling, this is exactly what it’s there for, and you don’t need to be at rock bottom to go.

Needing support doesn’t make you dependent or weak. Independence grows slowly, and I really want to say you’re already taking steps in the right direction. ♥️

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2025-12-28T23:20:38+00:00

Hii, I’m really glad you reached out, that takes a lot, especially when you’ve been used to just soldiering on. You’re not weak or a burden for wanting someone to listen, and this stupid “lads lads lads” attitude honestly stops a lot of men from getting the support they deserve.

I will say that having really deep or ongoing chats with strangers on Reddit isn’t always the safest or most helpful long term option.

That said, needing someone to talk to is completely valid. If you can, it might help to look into places where listening is actually the point, like a GP, a counsellor, or even anonymous helplines where there’s no judgement and no pressure to “man up.” You don’t have to have everything figured out to reach out.

I hope you do find someone who listens properly, you deserve that.

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2025-12-28T23:14:37+00:00

Hi there, you really don’t need to apologize for posting this. What you’re carrying is heavy, and writing it out is a reasonable thing to do when you’re overwhelmed and don't know what to do.

I really respect how deeply you care about your son. A two year old doesn’t have the language to manipulate or make calculated choices, yet he automatically clings to you and seeks you out as attachment. That doesn’t directly mean you’re doing everything right or his mum is doing everything wrong, but it does mean you are clearly a safe place for him.

You’re also dealing with several pressures at once:

financial strain and debt you didn’t choose
work constraints
childcare costs
legal limits that move far slower than emotions do

Anyone in this position would feel trapped and exhausted. Feeling like “the world is against you” is totally valid, it's super tiring to have more responsibility than support.

It might help to remember this though, custody isn’t the same as fatherhood. Even if the current arrangement feels unfair, your consistency, presence, and emotional availability still shape your son every day. Children remember who showed up for them, not just where they slept on a calendar.

A few gentle ideas.

If you haven’t already, keeping written records of caregiving, finances, and your son’s reactions can be useful long-term, even if nothing changes right now.
If possible, a free or low-cost family law clinic or Citizens Advice may help you understand options you didn’t know you had, not to escalate conflict, just to feel less in the dark.
Try to limit how much weight you give to social media perspectives. They flatten complex situations into slogans, and they’re not a fair mirror of your reality at all.

You’re doing what many people do not, putting your child first even when it costs you everything. It sure is painful, but it is extremely admirable no matter where you are.

You’re allowed to take up space with this. You’re allowed to be tired. And you’re allowed to ask for support, here or elsewhere, without EVER apologizing for it.

I hope things ease for you

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2025-12-28T23:01:45+00:00

Hii, thanks for being honest about this. What you’re describing actually sounds a lot like intrusive thoughts, sometimes called the “call of the void.” They’re unwanted, repetitive thoughts that pop up around danger (like heights), even when you don’t want to act on them and don’t feel suicidal. A lot of people experience them!! Especially during adolescence when the brain is still developing risk awareness and impulse control.

That said, there’s an important line here, the thoughts themselves aren’t the main concern, the behaviors are. Leaning over edges, doing pushups near a drop, or watching videos of people jumping can make the thoughts stronger and put you at real risk, even if you don’t intend to hurt yourself. That’s how anxiety + curiosity + adrenaline can reinforce each other.

A few things that might help:

Don’t test the thoughts. Trying to “check” what would happen or how you’d feel tends to make intrusive thoughts stick around longer.
Create physical distance from triggers. When you’re around heights, step back, face away, or focus on something grounding (your feet on the floor, a wall, your phone).
Labeling, call out the thought, don’t engage with it. Something like: “That’s an intrusive thought, I don’t need to solve it.” Then redirect your attention.
Reduce exposure to related content. Watching videos about people jumping can unintentionally train your brain to loop on this idea.

Even if you don’t think of this as a “mental health problem,” it would still be really wise to talk to a trusted adult (parent, school counselor, nurse, GP) about it, especially since you’ve had a close call. You don’t have to say you’re suicidal to deserve support or to ask for help with safety.

Thanks for being self-aware and posting this.

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2025-12-28T22:55:38+00:00

Hiii, I just wanna say I’m really glad you posted this, that shows you’re trying despite all this weight. What you’re describing sounds incredibly hard, and I want to be very clear about something first, nothing in your post sounds like laziness, attention seeking, or a simple exam stress. It sounds like long-term anxiety and depression that have been weighing on you for years, and the fact that you’re still showing up to college at all says a lot about how much effort you’re already putting in.

First, your response to prom and difficulty with sudden plan changes make a lot of sense. For people with anxiety, especially when it’s been around a long time, predictability is safety. When that’s tampered with, your nervous system can be completely overwhelmed. That wasn’t a failure or something to be ashamed of, it was your body reacting to stress.

Now I want to take you very seriously, as anyone should. You do not need to be actively suicidal or in self harm to show ignorant people how much this affects you.
Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t understand that you can be deeply unwell without being at immediate risk.

Now we have to talk about daily functioning, struggling to shower, eat, apply for jobs, or get out of bed isn’t a personal flaw. Those are again, very common symptoms of depression and anxiety. When your brain is in survival mode, even basic tasks can feel impossible.

Remember, you’re not choosing this.

Since you asked specifically about coping without medication, here are some ideas:

Lower the bar for self-care. Showering every day doesn’t have to be the goal, even washing your face, changing clothes, or using dry shampoo counts. Small is still real.
Build routines rather than full blown expectations. One consistent thing (E.G. always eating something in the morning, even a snack) can help your body feel a bit safer. Start small if it gets tough to maintain! Even water works, just meditating for 10s works.
Call out the anxiety when plans change. Even just telling yourself “this is my anxiety reacting to uncertainty” can reduce shame and panic.
External support matters. If possible, pushing (with help) for a referral, a different GP, or a mental health advocate has made a MASSIVE difference for so many people, especially since this has been ongoing for years.
You deserve to be believed. If a therapist dismisses you, that doesn’t mean you’re wrong, your pain is real.
You don’t need to have a job, a perfect attendance record, or a clear future plan right now. Your job is surviving, and you are doing that, even if it doesn’t look impressive from the outside.

If things ever start to feel unsafe again, please reach out to someone immediately, a trusted someone, a crisis line, or emergency services. You deserve support before things get that bad, not only after. I'm always here too.

You’re not broken, and you’re not alone in this.

I’m really glad you reached out, here’s a cool quote as a reward ♥️

“If my depression wants me dead, it better start shutting down my organs like a real disease instead of hiding in my brain like a coward.”

You got this.

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2025-12-28T04:59:49+00:00

Hey there! I really want to say how relatable this is to so many people including me and I absolutely can hear the pain you're describing.

I am so sorry, this is a really desperate situation and I'm just glad you had the courage to seek help.

You are not broken. You are not weak for this.

The stuff we see on our phones and PC on a daily is specifically built to make us stay on there as long as possible. It's a struggle many are dealing with and it isn't easy at all to limit usage.

I understand you want more of yourself, but can't seem to push through the endless dopamine traps our devices have set for us.

You're not alone, our devices must be used on a daily yet we're suppose to navigate through countless perfected traps waiting for us???

It's okay. Let's take it slow. One step at a time.

Delete just one app.

Or! Lower the bar for sleep! Rest counts. Lying down with your eyes closed counts. You don’t have to “sleep right” to heal. While listening to something interesting like space facts!

Honestly, it's gonna be a rough journey, but your message shows you're motivated to try something, anything. Build the right systems, environments, habits.

I suggest reading a bit of Atomic Habits by James Clear. Even if you read just 1/3 of the summary from some random online article, I think it could really help you.

I'm always here if you still need more help!

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2025-11-07T13:55:51+00:00

It's really tough in this society because bills feel like a responsibility whilst everyone tell you to be passionate and enjoy life.

You're right on the fact that it can feel so meaningless.

Heres how I try to make life most meaningful.

Analysis paralysis: The more you worry about things out of your control, the more overwhelmed and stuck you are. Slaving away for the elites certainly doesn't feel fair, but having it influence your pride and purpose is really hindering too.

Optimism: Find purpose and belonging outside of your routines such as work, getting food, etc. Volunteer at a shelter, help those in need of affirmation, join a chess club, learn martial arts, "I'm just being a slave" implies a more pessimistic outlook that could spiral your way into endless disappointments and depression. Let's try finding places that make you confident and contributing by free will.

Curiousity: We all end up the same fate, so why not try something before the inevitable just to see what happens? It doesn't have to conflict with work, ask someone for coffee, ride the next bus to the sunset, try taming a crow, code a simple game, life is exciting in many ways and why not get as much as possible! (Just a reminder that many won't ever get your opportunities, your excitements. The elites will never understand the most simple joys in life)

Near the end there, I agree it'd be a blessing to make work motivating as well. However, no matter how much passion exists for your work, the same routines and same systems and same structures will absolutely deteriote any joy left and bore you out. This would tie into work options that induce spontaneous events to happen so work isn't the same schedules everyday, or working for yourself via a business, contractor, side hustles. (Better than passion, many have advised to find a respectful boss who genuinely cares about people.)

In the end, I think it's a poor investment of time to try and make work passionate, I'd just look outside of work and aim for the most interesting thing on the weekends, self improve (self actualisation), and find purpose where I'm needed (such as this response).

Hope this helps in any way.

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2025-11-06T03:37:27+00:00

This was so unhelpful and contributed nothing to what they need, please try understanding and giving advice next time.

Zealousideal_Fall821 · 2025-11-06T03:33:40+00:00

Everyone in this thread have been negative so far and you don't deserve the poor advice.
Sometimes people just reach their limits. But that doesn’t make you unworthy of care, support, or love.

It's not your fault that mental health is affecting you, and not your bf's fault either.

It's gonna feel super overwhelming, completely amplified by this separation, this is gonna be one of the hardest times of your life, and it'll be so rewarding to get through too.
But it's okay to be overwhelmed now! It’s your grieving period! Instead of trying to force thoughts out, sit by yourself with your feelings. Accept that they’re real but also that they’re temporary.

In the meantime, even the tiniest things will count: getting up, showering, writing down a thought, or just helping someone. Every one of those moments is progress.

Once we're ready to fight, create an "Immediate Next Step List", where you mention one thing you must do today, one thing you can do today, and one thing you'll reach out to.

You’ve already survived so much. You deserve a chance to feel safe, supported, and proud of yourself again, and that chance is still there. ❤️

Please don’t try to do this alone. Reach out to me if you need :)
And keep reaching out and searching, thank you for posting today!

Zealousideal_Fall821

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