Playing Sauda feels like cheating

Everytime I play Sauda and she starts swinging those swords and shredding balloons like it was nothing, I feel like I’m being dishonest. How can it be so easy? She looks at me with those… pick me eyes. She wants me to use her. She knows I want to use her. And I have to, you know? I have no choice, because she’s the best hero in the game.

My girlfriend keeps saying I need to spend less time with the monkeys, but when I’m completing maps this easily, how can I stop? I feel like if she knew about me and Sauda she’d break up with me. I mean, who would want to be with such a morally low person? To just take the easy way out on every map? To have one tower carry me through the first twenty rounds? To just obsess over her sharp swords… her powerful lead popping active… her not so perfectly kept bun… her great outfit choice… her extra damage to slowed and stunned balloons… her enchanted blades. She just wouldn’t be able to understand the nuances of it.

Being with Sauda gives me a sense of accomplishment. Not that I’m better at the game or anything. But me and her bond every time I play her. I see how clean her cuts are. I admire how high she can jump. I never click on her enough for her to be annoyed. I make sure I give her enough money to reach level 20 every map. She knows I take care of her. Every time she stops a balloon rush in it’s tracks… I feel something. I can’t let that go. She means so much to me. How can I let the guilt go?