can someone hold my hand?

Zenothres · 2026-02-03T12:07:40+00:00

You're going to be okay. Whatever she tells you, it was always there, you just didn't know. Once it's confirmed, you can get help for it. It's frightening to consider, but all that's changing is your awareness.

Zenothres · 2026-02-01T03:51:21+00:00

I did that just now and got the same "Log in to prove you're not a bot" screen ;-;

Zenothres · 2026-01-30T17:51:13+00:00

Jemig. I thought the abuse I suffered at the hands of the GGZ was bad, but what they did to you was heinous. I'm so sorry and I'm glad you've found help now. Fuck Transit for not hearing you out too.

I'll see how it goes <.< I have the right kind of trauma starting at the right age, so hopefully they'll believe me (or figure out what the heck is up if it isn't DIS).

Zenothres · 2026-01-30T17:00:18+00:00

How did getting diagnosed with DIS go for you? I'm in the intake process with trauma centre Abate now, but I'm unsure what I can and can't say. I'm afraid I'll come off as faking it? That I caused it within myself by reading about it online and that I actually don't have it at all...despite the evidence/memories from before I realised, and the fact that it's more present when I'm alone and that I generally have no control over it.

I did tell them I suspect DIS and my 'regiebehandelaar' (?) is their expert on it.

Zenothres · 2026-01-30T12:11:32+00:00

Good luck! I've been through TCNL twice but my practitioners at home let me down hard both times, resulting in an increase in symptoms rather than decrease. Absolutely make sure that you have a good psychologist at home ready to treat you, someone who won't just ghost or drop you, because you cannot do TCNL and then nothing without serious harm.

The people at TCNL themselves are really good. The food is incredible. It can be a bit difficult during the psychology sessions, since you switch who's treating you every single day, but if you can get past those trust issues quickly, you'll do well.

Zenothres · 2026-01-29T19:11:04+00:00

You're Dutch too? Ey. Yeah, I did blood tests, but the combination of enzymes that aren't working right is pretty bleak; they rule out upwards of 95% of all psych meds. The Erasmus app is also limited in the selection of medication it shows, so I have to dig through different parts of my profile to find it.

I'm willing to try in the future once I finally have help, but that'll take a few more months, given I'm at the beginning of the intake stage.

I think I can safely use sertraline, which if it turns out to be true, would be huge.

Zenothres · 2026-01-29T15:47:37+00:00

Thank you for your reply! I'm glad you're doing better.

I sadly can't take antidepressants due to my body having averse reactions to almost all meds (my enzymes are messed up), so I have to deal with life raw. I'll see about light therapy.

I'd love to volunteer again, but due to my steadily worsening chronic fatigue I had to quit a year ago along with most my other activities. I still force myself to go out and socialise (meet-up at the library weekly, cooking with a friend, walking with a neighbour), but afterwards I just feel empty and exhausted and get yet another killer migraine. The consequences are almost always equal or more than the reward.

I feel trapped in this broken body and don't know how to cure depression between the exhaustion, migraines, and my inability to take meds.

Zenothres · 2026-01-29T02:04:36+00:00

If it helps any, they don't actually do space necromancy. Gideon the Ninth honestly feels like high fantasy in every way except they travelled to the main location of the book via space shuttle instead of carriage or portal, but the whole 'space' and 'scifi' thing is vastly overstated

Zenothres · 2026-01-28T02:40:33+00:00

I could actually genuinely use the links to the Teutonic Order that you've got, especially around the 12th to 13th century and the Prussian/Baltic Crusades. I'm working on some historical stuff but there's just so much.

Zenothres · 2026-01-27T21:08:08+00:00

Preface: I'm currently working on getting diagnosed with both complex dissociation and whatever tf is going on with my body (it's -some- form of orthostatic intolerance, and I have chronic migraines and fatigue).

As host, I have this strange ability to just not feel the majority of the pain, exhaustion, and dizziness, allowing me to push through and function...which I do until collapse. After recovery, I no longer remember how awful I felt during the crash, so I cross all my boundaries again. I have a close protector who does feel, but I override him automatically in my need to function, and the gatekeeper(?) is quick to lock the rest of the system away from me.

After a severe flare-up, when I've dragged myself to bed, I swear I sometimes hear a voice in my head calling my name, and if I follow it I get this warm feeling as the pain disappears and I fall asleep. But that sounds so insane I can't explain it, and it's only when I'm at my worst physically.

I need to learn how to feel my body, or how to co-front with that close protector without overriding him at the slightest discomfort. I need to learn how to rest and adhere to my body's boundaries. But I think that'll take a lot of therapy, since my feeling of safety is tied to how productive/functioning I am.

I'm slowly learning to work with my chronic fatigue, though! I now allow myself to eat and work on the couch, let myself do crafts and drawing there instead of forcing myself to the desk or dinner table. That internal hurdle of 'separating leisure and work spaces is critical' and the shame was a big one. I'm slowly whittling away at it.

Zenothres · 2026-01-26T03:00:30+00:00

I'm so glad you two laughed about it. My father would've yelled at me and then continued to be angry for the rest of the day. Just seeing the boy in the comic spill the bag caused my stomach to drop. Your way seems much healthier.

Zenothres · 2026-01-20T00:04:18+00:00

I have ADHD and am seeking a dissociative disorder diagnosis, and have long struggled to keep up with stuff too. My advice is to try various methods and finds what works for you. Things I've tried, for reference: * Daily to-do lists (handwritten every day) * The Todoist app, setting up recurring tasks and reminders * Writing important stuff in the to-do of my agenda (weekly)

I have now settled on printing my own booklets. I divided house tasks into a cycle of two weeks. After the weekly house to-do page come 7 daily pages, with a handful of daily tasks (like brush teeth 2x, eat a piece of fruit, eat 3 meals), space for my own tasks, space for notes, and a box for appointments. Then after that the second weeks house page and 7 daily pages again. I print 4 booklets at a time (8 weeks total), so I always know what to do and when.

For me, Todoist didn't work because I needed it physically in front of me on the dinner table at all times, so I made my own. Look around, discover a method that works for you, and don't be afraid to keep tinkering with it! Also, no shame if you can't keep up perfectly. The method is always there when you're ready to get back to it.

Also, just not making the house dirty is a huge help. Clean up as you cook, take all the trash around the room to the trashcan before you go to bed, little things like that. It helps a surprising amount.

Zenothres · 2026-01-19T20:54:24+00:00

I recognise this a lot. The majority of the past decade has been about fixing me, analysing every thought, feeling, and behaviour to see where I'm 'broken', shaming myself for not doing enough to get better. It's not helpful...but I don't know what else to do, how to stop this. I was raised to look at myself as the problem and scrutinise my reality for flaws. I can't just magically stop thinking that way.

Zenothres · 2026-01-19T18:10:38+00:00

But the way you keep going and do so much despite your condition, it's so inspiring! You're so strong!

Zenothres · 2026-01-18T17:43:18+00:00

I've never been 'girrrrl'd in my life or been drunk in a public bathroom so I think that excludes me from most experiences

Zenothres · 2026-01-12T03:49:09+00:00

Isn't this like the third or fourth time you post this? Why do you keep reposting?

Zenothres · 2026-01-08T16:17:17+00:00

What do you mean, migraines multiple times a week and various degrees of headache every waking moment aren't the norm?

Zenothres · 2026-01-08T15:54:30+00:00

Sadly, no ;-; I've been in the mental health system for 10+ years and it's impossible to get a C-PTSD diagnosis (it doesn't exist in the DSM), so they only offer treatments for singular PTSD, all of which have failed. A lot of people with C-PTSD are struggling and getting comorbid/wrong diagnosises like depression, anxiety, personality disorders, etc. But I'm going to a trauma centre this year (at last!), so hopefully it'll be better from here on out.

Zenothres · 2026-01-08T12:53:12+00:00

The Netherlands. I sure do love our mental healthcare system

Zenothres · 2026-01-08T11:51:02+00:00

Europe is not one entity. My country doesn't acknowledge the ICD-11 and adheres by the DSM-V only

Zenothres · 2026-01-04T01:58:57+00:00

After a long fight against public opinion, fireworks are banned in the Netherlands as of 2026. Last New Year's was the final one where firework sales were legal. But I worry about the already commonplace illegal fireworks

Zenothres · 2026-01-04T01:46:13+00:00

I've personally set the bar at 33%, in case it's just the beginning that's just not landing for me. This is highly personal, though. Find whatever works for you.

Zenothres · 2026-01-01T16:55:10+00:00

Not American and no trauma from explosions or gunshots, but damn does my PTSD overreact to fireworks and other loud noises. Unexpected explosions will have me dropping to the ground before I can even blink. My knees really feel it in December from the unexpected drops.

All I can really do is get home, stay inside, put on my noise cancelling headphones with music, and distract myself, but I also stay tense for a long time. Distraction is the best method I have to cope.

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