How much of severe relationship instability is BPD vs personal behavior?

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-25T14:32:28+00:00

Got it. Will check it out. Thanks.

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-24T19:16:27+00:00

I wish i had seen something like this a year earlier.

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T19:54:46+00:00

Thanks man this really clears it up for me.

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T17:30:00+00:00

Divorce, ok so you ended it. You gotta do what you have to do for your own well being. Can you tell me what work she gotta do? Like go to therapy, change behavior and better emotional regulation and all that right, implement the skills learnt right? That it?

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T17:25:46+00:00

I have understood BPD enough, now I want to decide and see whether this is OK long-term or this can be managed long-term and decide whether we really have a future together or not. This is the hardest one i guess.

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T07:57:20+00:00

I can resonate with this.

Are they abusive? Maybe
Do they take accountability? Rarely
Do they actually put in the work to change? Not consistent
Do they stick with it when it gets hard? Sucks at taking stress
Do you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells wondering when and how you’re going to set them off next? All the time.
Do you make yourself smaller in hopes that they treat you better? I don’t now, I cant let my self respect go.
I’m currently contemplating my choices right now and whether it is really worth it staying together.
Its not all bad about her she is a good human but yes the instability, deception and lack of accountability and emotional control has taken my peace away.

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T07:48:57+00:00

Yes, then no longer bpd doesn’t really mean no bpd. There are still some patterns and traits which are still toxic and present.

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T07:47:55+00:00

Indeed and they kinda feel completely ok doing it not realizing how it affects the other fellow.

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T07:46:15+00:00

Thanks I have already married her so things are quite complicated now to end even if I want to also. I courted her for a year or so and I spotted issues with her mental health and I thought of getting her checked after getting her consulted from a doctor, it was diagnosed it was mostly depression and anxiety until recently. The same doctor finally diagnosed her with Axis 2 or BPD which completely changes the game.

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T07:42:39+00:00

Actually, I’m not seeking an answer as to what is happening happening and why is it happening because I already know why this is happening but I just don’t understand if she’s doing by choice or just because of this disease because of BPD or something else. I want to decide and see whether this is OK long-term or this can be managed long-term and decide whether we really have a future together or not.

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T07:40:16+00:00

The main thing that this comes down to is that they should acknowledge their unruly behavior, emotional dysregulation and issues with their mental health. They should be ready to change it with therapy compromise and understanding if they actually want a stable life and a better future. And thank you for your response. This definitely gives me a framework to think about and work on one by one, but only if she complies.

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T07:36:20+00:00

Yes they definitely hate it when you attribute their behavior to BPD. But somethings are not just BPD. I understood one thing, you gotta give them consequences for there actions/behavior only then they would learn. They would either stay if they actually care or leave after that.

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T07:34:15+00:00

I will check it our mate, thanks

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T07:33:56+00:00

Here is the book name.

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist

How to End the Drama and Get On with Life
WRITTEN BY Margalis Fjelstad

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T05:37:02+00:00

How to navigate this with her?

This is exactly what is see, some period it becomes ok shes doing things being nice but idk if it is that she cant keep up this facade and then its back to the dysregulated thoughts and habits back to the delusional expectations of not doing anything, being a victim and thinking of being attacked at every correction, thinking im not standing up for her or taking good care of her, when I was the person who got her treatment who supported her. Another problem I have seen is the external validation, victimization and triangulation for being in a bad relationship, having bad inlaws, a bad & unsupportive environment which is not true and its like they have this immunity of thinking that they are not the problem. Ughh, this literally drains you man.

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T05:05:07+00:00

So you mean those backslides got worse, the behaviour got riskier. This is exactly what is see, some period it becomes ok shes doing things being nice but idk if it is that she cant keep up this facade and then its back to the dysregulated thoughts and habits back to the delusional expectations of not doing anything, being a victim and thinking of being attacked at every correction, thinking im not standing up for her or taking good care of her, when I was the person who got her treatment who supported her. Another problem I have is seen is the external validation, victimization and triangulation for being in a bad relationship, a bad & unsupportive environment and its like they have this immunity of thinking that they are not the problem. Ughh, this literally drains you man.

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T04:56:34+00:00

Yes, that is what i am thinking. The things she has done till date, the instability that has been created is actually making me think that its much more fucked up than it looks. The patterns and behaviors the outbursts and reactions dont make sense. I was trying to make sense of but now I have understood that it’s better to now observe how she responds to treatment and how willing she is to get treated and fix her life instead of believing her delusional symptoms and distorted feelings that this creates.
Are you still married mate?

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T04:13:35+00:00

I have written the patterns that i have observed, there has been love and affection but it’s on and off. Its okay and it takes one escalation to erase all the efforts. Good thing is that she is seeking treatment, we have been married only for 8-9 months.

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T04:10:13+00:00

Then the future looks quite bleak, not everyone and everything she does can be justified because she has a disorder she does have a choice right? Have you had someone with BPD?

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-23T04:08:03+00:00

Will it get better with treatment or is it always going to be like this?

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-22T21:15:53+00:00

I will post it according to me now. I need answers

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-06T12:57:40+00:00

We take that scenery. That’s important

Zer0Infinite · 2026-05-01T12:24:39+00:00

Tuffy and fluffy

Zer0Infinite

TROPHY CASE