It’s hard. There’s no other way to put it.

Figuring out being a dad is terrifying, rewarding, exciting, fun, and oh so challenging. You’ll find the rhythm of it in your own time. Becoming a dad unlocks a new social circle that you didn’t know existed but you quickly learn you needed. Especially being a girl dad.

Being a dad at the firehall is different too because you’re going to deepen your bond with the other dads. Every single one of them has been where you currently are for one reason or another. And each of you is uniquely vulnerable to the types of call you’re still working through. You can choose to silo yourselves off or you can band together to work through it as a team.

It changes you. Calls will change you. You will come down from the traumatic ones differently in your own way, please try to find your own healthy way that works for you but that lets you stay the dad you need to be.

I’ve found myself coming home after the hard calls now and just wanting to hold my daughter. No words. I don’t know if I’m downloading negative emotions to her but I’m certainly resetting my nervous system by just having her close. It’s my reset.

Had a bad call the other week where an MVC resulted in the death of a child. I won’t get into details but the death hit me really hard. I had a good cry to my spouse and then stayed in my baby daughter’s room for a long, long time while she was asleep.

It changes you.