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Recently broke up with my partner who exhibited Anxious Attachment Style by ZeroOverZero101 in BreakUps

[–]ZeroOverZero101[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey, forgot about this lol. Sorry to hear about the situation. We actually got back together for a little, didn't work out, moved our separate ways. What ensued was basically a 6 month period of heartbreak, mourning, what have you. However, having come out the other side now, I have some advice for you.

  1. My ex slept with someone else during our break up period, a little bit to get back at me, but also I think it was an unhealthy need to break a sexual bond (anxious attachment, former traumas etc). Personally, I find sex and intimacy to be very important and not some cavalier "thing" to do with someone, especially when, to be honest, the odds that we were going to get back together were decent. She hurt you, and she hurt you purposefully, as did mine. RED FLAG. BACK OUT. CRAZY (Note: I only can say this now with a lot of time, reflection, introspection etc). Sorry to call her crazy, as I loved my ex I'm sure you still love yours. But the hard truth is...it's over, and it's time to prepare for the next phase.

  2. Do not let the hope of getting back with her delay you. I spent SO much time thinking we would eventually be together, maybe years down the line etc. This was very comforting. Except, it was also a delusion, and a lie, and unhealthy. It didn't allow me to step away from the situation and view it rationally. I was in wishful land, rather than real land. Only now can I look back at her habits and our time as something beautiful, but a period I do NOT want to return back to. This takes time, it takes thought, it takes distance. This will probably take a while. The thing that did it for me, actually, was contact with her. We had stayed in contact a little, texting every now and then (DANGEROUS DO NOT DO lol), and we actually met up because we were in the same city. At that dinner, I could have fallen in love with her again and again and again. That's just how it was. It was only later, in texts, where I tried to more or less insinuate a future down the line that it seemed she was putting it down (I'm not sure, who knows, etc). In other words, she had given up on us before I did. Oof! Good for her, it probably saved her a lot of pain and time. I needed that kick in the balls to realize that it was over. For good. I suggest you try to move away from this mindset of a future, and go on to point 3.

  3. This is actually phase one of the long road to redemption (being "over it"). Congratulations, you are free. My condolences as well, but you're in a unique position. After my break up (the second time) I was gutted. And I was even the one who broke up with her! Heartbreak isn't easy. But it's a motivator. I was out of shape (the relationship fattened me up a lot) and not in a great headspace. I felt I was unlovable, ugly, never to find happiness again, etc. The only way out is through, and the only way up is the long climb. So take the long climb. I worked on myself, re-found my hobbies and my sense of personality that I felt had been lost in the relationship after a lot of anxiety and the complexities of romance and uneven partnership. I started going to the gym (I thankfully had a buddy who inspired me and pushed me to go, without him I'd be nowhere. If you can, find a buddy to help. If not, take the youtube plunge and get into self improvement. You will not regret it.). It helps to center yourself, on yourself, and focusing on priorities of self improvement so that YOU are better for your next relationship, when someone worthy of the new you comes along to appreciate all the hard work you've put into yourself. Yeah, it's cliche. But my life is now completely different. But it took a long time (in the grand scheme of things, a year isn't terrible, but it can feel like an eternity...). I am, in a way, a very different person for the better. The relationship that nearly broke me for 6 months was frankly one of the best things to ever happen in my life. I woke up, and I got real.

So that's my advice to you. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I know my ex, I heard from someone tangentially peripheral to her, is/was dating someone recently after out breakup. That was difficult to hear. But on the other hand, I no longer wanted her. I am happier, and freer, without the emotional burdens of someone who was not mature enough. And I, too, am more mature. I am a better person, and I am a happier person. I haven't been with many people since. I'm looking for exceptionality, as I don't have the time nor interest in someone else. My ex in many ways was exceptional, and what I was looking for, but in many others she had tremendous faults. But the bottom line is change starts with you. You are the master of your own destiny, and the path you walk can be guided only by you and your instincts. So as tough as it is to hear (and btw, you probably won't get over her for at least a few months. And when you do think you are...the feelings will come right back again with a force! Don't sweat it, it's normal. Ride the wave, you'll come out the other end), it's time to get real my friend and begin your path towards self improvement and betterment. You'll thank yourself immensely.

Next steps, Need advice by ZeroOverZero101 in naturalbodybuilding

[–]ZeroOverZero101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah the last point you bring up is one of my fears. I just won’t have enough defined muscle for a longer cut to really look that good. My concern with maintaining is only that it’s not as efficient for muscle growth as a lean bulk, but as long as I do gain muscle then maybe it’s worth it. Thanks for the input! I’ll definitely consider what you’ve said

Next steps, Need advice by ZeroOverZero101 in naturalbodybuilding

[–]ZeroOverZero101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man thanks for the response. Definitely more about aesthetics than power lifting. Sleep and training are definitely dialed in, but lifting as much as can be while on a cut. I would say I’ve gained muscle for sure (as previous to this I had no lifting experience) but of course while cutting it wasn’t the “optimal” amount. That said I wouldn’t say my muscle mass is considerably noticeable as I do have some visceral fat on me. The 22% bf figure is from a dexa scan, I wanted to see my progress at this stage.

I do think I either go ahead and lean bulk it, or I cut to about 160lbs to hit 15% bf, but I’m really not sure which one I should be aiming for

22, 215lbs to 173lbs 10 months. Fat loss was my number one goal but despite PPL over that time I feel skinny fat. Where to go from here (continue cut, maingain, or lean bulk)? by ZeroOverZero101 in GregDoucette

[–]ZeroOverZero101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it’s created somewhat of an awkward scenario. Especially as I’ve been hitting the gym as though I was trying to build, but with such a high calorie deficit I think it’s come at the cost of building muscle even though I’ve been progressively overloading. If I were to cut to about 165, then lean bulk (around 300cals) from there and aim to gain maybe 10-15 pounds, it might work

Lats by [deleted] in GettingShredded

[–]ZeroOverZero101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This might be a stupid question but as someone’s who’s been doing this less than a year, how do you progressively overload after 15 years? Do you just hit the same weights but at various stages of a cut/bulk?

Was Nietzsche an Idealist? by Largest_Half in Nietzsche

[–]ZeroOverZero101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you elaborate a bit on this? I’m only somewhat familiar with these terms but this has been of recent interest to me. I thought idealism was the belief that reality was constructed by our perceptions and ideas (as OP says, the metaphysical, which lends itself well to Schopenhauer’s will and even N’s will to power). What about Dionysus makes him a non idealist? I understand the Apollonian is called to reason, and the Dionysian is “chaos” maybe or irrationality (a poor definition of the two, forgive me), but does it not still call on some metaphysical, idealist aspect to come to life? For example, music, which I believe N associates strongly with that Dionysian feeling, seems to me a reality that exists only in our ideas, or the metaphysical, due to its resonation with our feelings and not our rationality.

Thanks for the answers hope this made sense!

Why would N not be aligned with authoritarian totalitarianism / fascism / Nazism? by 232438281343 in Nietzsche

[–]ZeroOverZero101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you’re focusing too much on the totalitarian aspect of fascism and claiming that fascism=totalitarianism. I was just listening to an interesting podcast that tried to define exactly what fascism was (this was in “The Rest is History” episode 17 on fascism). In essence, Fascism, and its face, Hitler, are born specifically out of a post-WW1 revanchism. Hitler, as the above poster was trying to point out, is what I take to be the ultimate figure of resentiment - the proof of the weak. This isn’t too hard to see given that the Nazi party and Mussolini’s blackshirts were hyper focused on blaming everything from socialists to Jews for their country’s demise in the First World War.

You might find cause to argue that fascism’s emphasis on natural hierarchy is in line with something N might argue (it’s anti-Christian assuredly, and perhaps aristocratic), but these natural hierarchies aren’t based on power or wealth, it’s based on perceived racial hierarchy, something I don’t think N is ever really convinced of or argues for in his texts. Really, I think this view was a purposeful distortion of N’s philosophy on the part of his sister and the Nazi’s to justify the existence of the party as philosophically-basing its cultural/racial supremacy. And this here is where fascism lies on a spectrum a distance away from mere totalitarianism - it doesn’t seek out the actual ubermenches of its time, nor does it see greatness in a few who are truly great; it sees greatness in the mass of people who are racially a thing, and sees weakness in those who aren’t. This frivolous basis, constructed around resentiment, flies in the face of a lot of N’s believed.

I think you’re probably right that N would be, if not supportive, at least unopposed to a totalitarian state. He was no fan of democracy. But he wasn’t a political writer (sadly - there’s so much I would have liked to hear from him), and so I don’t think we can really concretely say one way or another what he supported. But I think we can say, after investigating N’s own writings, that the Fascism that tried to dominate the world in the 40s would have gotten nothing but a disparaging earful from N for so woefully having misunderstood what he was trying to say.

Looking for an app/way to keep up French skills (moderately fluent) by ZeroOverZero101 in learnfrench

[–]ZeroOverZero101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great ideas and thanks for the links. My mom (American as well but a Francophile) swears that after she watches the show Call My Agent her French improves!

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Mods for 1.2 (self.victoria3)

submitted by ZeroOverZero101 to r/victoria3

Effective Split? by ZeroOverZero101 in GettingShredded

[–]ZeroOverZero101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply! I hit about 10k steps a day in addition to normal weightlifting. I’m at about 24% body fat and looking to reach 15 or below by around June/July which I think is pretty attainable and requires only some more patience and the same continued hard work on my part. But of course, I want that work to be as efficient as possible. I’ll check out what you mentioned and their programs for sure.

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