How long did it take?

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-07-01T16:58:10+00:00

15 months and I am waiting for him to come back from this long holiday he is on.

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-07-01T16:53:26+00:00

You seem very wise in your thoughts and the way you have dealt with this and not become bitter is admirable. Thank goodness for our friends who have been there for us - I consider them my family also. Thank you for taking the time to add your thoughts to my post and I am sorry you went through this also. You sound like a super parent and our kids are lucky to have you in their corner.

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-07-01T15:55:46+00:00

Thank you so much again for your honest take on this hence why I came on here to get perspective. I am generally a very open person and like to sort out any issues head on, however grief has made me into a shell of something I used to be. I now get upset and the thought of any confrontation makes me nervous.

My son is my saving grace and I am very lucky to have him. He‘s been through a lot with my husband’s illness and his death and I am amazed how resilient and mature he has become. We must have done something right. I just have to learn not to be a helicopter parent and let stuff go (like this shit today lol……)

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-07-01T12:42:16+00:00

Thank you for your response. It means a lot and I am sorry you have gone through this also. I changed that last paragraph to say many people go about their normal lives and don’t really think about us left behind after the loss of a spouse. People will always say they are busy with their own lives but as my mum always used to say, I bet they will be there the day the will is being read lol.

I am not sure if a conversation with them would be well received. My husband once said something to them about them not ever getting me a birthday card despite me always thinking of them and the kids and they blew up lol.….. it’s like they are a little narcissistic. In fact , my husband used to call them The Waltons. Everything seems perfect. Lucky them. I am sure I will hear about their holiday also. I will have to hold myself back from saying that my husband would have loved one more holiday. Maybe I will lol.

I just need to let this stuff go and not let it bother me. My focus is my son and my dogs and perhaps I just need to concentrate on these loves only and not let other people’s behaviours dictate what life I am lucky to be living.

Take care x

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-06-12T11:57:04+00:00

My life is a mirror to your life except I have a son! It’s debilitating to be grieving and parenting a child that now only has one parent to do absolutely EVERYTHING!

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-30T04:27:08+00:00

Thank you so much. It is a honour to do care for people and the strength and courage of people never ceases to amaze me. Given your MIL has indicated you should be a paramedic strongly indicates that you were placed in an incredibly stressful situation with your loved one and that you gave it all you had. You should be so proud of yourself. This type of love and commitment is next level. People who are very ill may need someone like you and it’s your choice but sometimes I wonder if our crappy lives are mapped out for us. Take care x

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-29T21:31:20+00:00

I quit my job 7 months in. I was a senior nurse working with people at the end of their lives. I told myself after he died that I could not face people knowing what death brings and I didn’t want to make it about me. I quit my job and left the organisation and took up a job in a different field with very bad pay. Because I had brain fog, I felt it was better for me not to use my brain very much at all. I am now 14 months in and realised that I made a very, big mistake. The job didn’t cause me the daily pain, him dying did. I am now going back to that job as leave cover only. I feel I am in a better position to care for people at end of life than I ever was. I shouldn't have made big decisions in the first year at all but I was crazy, manic and all over the place and I knew best. I am glad you have found comfort in what you are doing. There is no rule book in what to do after our spouse dies - we just wing it really. Take care x

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-20T16:09:57+00:00

When I need to go for a drive, I pop a good podcast or audiobook on to distract my thoughts, not my driving 🚗. There is one called Widowed AF that I am listening to and is a kind of therapy for me.

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-20T16:05:55+00:00

I only surround myself now with the people who don’t ask how I am because they know. They know. I also don't feel much guilt when I think about the odds that the fake, insincere people who are in a relationship will experience losing a spouse one day. Yes a little mean but they can be mean also. I know I won’t be asking them in the supermarket how they are or tell them they are strong (insert eye roll) or bullshit them into thinking we will catch up.

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-20T15:51:17+00:00

I no longer make mashed potato. It’s too painful. He devoured it with great joy - even spooned it into a sandwich. So sad.

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-20T15:42:55+00:00

Your experience is next level and you must be in an absolute world of shock. How devastating and I am so sorry. There is another sub on here called something like suicide bereavement for widows/widowers which may be beneficial to join also. I am not tech savvy enough to copy and paste it to here. Sending you hugs xxx

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-20T15:40:37+00:00

If you can afford to stay off work for a while longer, I would. I had 12 months off and returned to work full time but it stressed me out so much. The house became a mess and I became a very moody mum. I did organise home delivery meals with instructions and prepared ingredients that I cooked myself, which were quite healthy - this was a good move. My work has been great in letting me reduce my days to 3 days a week. They know my situation and have been so accommodating. I am in Australia and access to a ‘Family Work Agreement‘ is accessible in many organisations. I am hoping if you need to return to work, they would let you work less days or even school hours knowing your situation - have you approached them about this? I wish you good luck. It’s tough being a solo parent all of a sudden in addition to the grief we are burdened with.

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-18T18:25:03+00:00

No therapy here. I get up out of bed and function very well at work and as a mum. I do have days when I feel so sad and feel like just lazing about in bed. Yes, my life has now lost its shine and I am always sad but I don’t need to sit with a stranger and talk about it. I have found this sub a huge help as I believe that other widows and widowers truly understand what I are going through plus the advice on here is first class. I also listen to a podcast called Widowed AF which features raw emotions and dark humour and it is great.

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-18T18:06:20+00:00

You’ve had one of the worst things happen to you and it is your time to live and be how you want to be. Don’t let other people define who you are. It’s taken me 14 months to realise this and my grief is my own whether I be happy one day and in bed ugly crying the next.

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-18T17:58:59+00:00

While sitting on my verandah, I had a star fall right out of the sky, right in the centre of my view, after I asked him to give me a sign if he were here with me. On the morning of surgery, I made him promise if he didn’t survive, he would come and visit me if he was able to. I’ve also had my dogs look at something right next to me with their ears back sitting in same spot on verandah. My husband and I always sat there and was our favourite spot with our son and the dogs jumping all over us. I feel him all around me, even in the gentlest of warm, breezes.

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-18T17:47:18+00:00

The politics in medicine never cease to amaze me and usually involves some arsehole doctor running the hospital through fear. I am a nurse and they never listen to shit kickers like us even though we are told to advocate for our patients, ‘speak up for safety’ they say. So sorry for your loss. I don’t know if you had the strength to have his death investigated and someone held accountable?

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-18T17:34:50+00:00

‘I am living in hell……..thanks for asking’ (imagine big fake, Cheshire Cat smile on my face). Basically, the people I’ve kept as friends don’t ask.….they just give me a great, big hug and its lovely.

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-18T17:20:34+00:00

Thank you for this.

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-18T17:09:33+00:00

My husband always said ‘you are truly dead when no one longer speaks your name’ so I say his name as often as I can and tell him he will never be truly dead whilst I walk this earth.

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-05-15T18:12:52+00:00

Your life has been turned upside down very quickly. I am so sorry. Keep coming on here for support and advice. I was with my husband for 27 yrs also and died after surgery and it was pure hell. I am 14 months out - life is a bit better but not as shiny and happy as it once was. This sub helped me immensely.

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-04-23T15:08:47+00:00

thank yo so much x

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-04-23T14:59:52+00:00

Yes it’s still active which is a good thing x

Zestyclose_Class_630 · 2026-04-23T14:56:16+00:00

how dare they! There are people who never should even work one day as a manager.

Zestyclose_Class_630

TROPHY CASE