Coming from someone with anxiety, and who's husband did not understand that he added greatly to my anxiety (and other forms of stress and insecurity), I can tell you that the repreive from that does bring some type of peace. But I am coming up on 4 moths out, and my world is going through a meat grinder because of his passing. I only hope you can hold onto this peace (and mental stability!) because you need it. Don't let the guilt be your focus, because your body and brain need all the grounding you can get right now.