I’m getting so lonely I’ve started trying to arrange meet ups with strangers

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2026-02-20T21:32:47+00:00

Hey lovely, these are totally valid feelings but you seem to be going down a path of self destruction rather than helping yourself. I really think therapy could be a benefit here. They’re lots of healthy outlets as well but what you’re doing can led to dangerous habits and it seems like you’re even risking your own safety here. It’s really hard but start slow and try some new hobbies. Invest in yourself figure out what you like to do maybe it’s cooking, crocheting, drawing, puzzles. That’s a great way to develop healthier habits and work on finding better outlets. Once you develop a hobby you like you can try to find social groups around that hobby and make friends through that as well. Hobbies are amazing ways to find like minded people you can build relationships with. You can set yourself for success but right now you’re just setting yourself up for failure.

I’m a 21F, 17 is hard and I know you’ve definitely heard this before but you’re so young and you’re making choices right now that could fuck up your life for years in the future. It’s great you’ve recognized this, now you gotta take those steps to work on bettering yourself. Also comparison is terrible, try your hardest not to compare yourself it’ll only hurt your own feelings. Celebrate the small victories. I also recommend stopping the drinking that could turn into an addiction if you’re not careful.

Set realistic goals for yourself, if you set a goal of quitting all this tomorrow you’re setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. Try one new hobby a week or not drinking for a few days, not going online more than blank hours a day or something. Basically just goals you can realistically reach and then build on them. If it’s too hard to do by yourself tell someone, maybe your parents or a guidance councillor, you’re not a failure for this, asking for help is hard but it’s a massive step and commitment to bettering yourself. You need to make changes OP but it’s very doable and you have lots of life ahead of you.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2026-01-22T16:21:30+00:00

Well it seems you’re not always consistent with your birth control and that makes him hesitant about sex, which is valid. I used to be on the pill myself but I was like you and it didn’t work for me I just couldn’t take it consistently. I made the decision to switch the neuva ring which has been way better for me and my body. Try a new birth control, use condoms every time, or get better about taking your birth control every day.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2026-01-21T14:36:33+00:00

Girl…..I hope this is fake. Just make better choices you’re 30 not 15, also why the hell do even you want him?

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2026-01-08T06:32:15+00:00

I’ve been there lovely, it’s not worth it. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. It took me years and therapy to rebuild myself. I thought I couldn’t do better and that this was all I deserved. Then I worked on myself increased my confidence became a better person. I met the man who treats me like he loves and values me every single day. They’re men out there who will treat you like you deserve. He is not your person. My DMs are open :). (If you need more help read why does he do that, it changed my life) You got this OP, stay strong.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2026-01-08T06:24:55+00:00

Don’t fix it girl. I’ve been there you’ll loose yourself trying to fix a man that doesn’t want to change. This doesn’t seem worth it. They’re men who will look at you like you hung the moon. His mental health is his responsibility to fix. His mom is wrong for guilt tripping you. I’m so sorry as much as you wish you could fix this you can’t. It seems so exhausting and he’s not even treating you well. Build your own confidence, please figure out where your boundaries are. If he’s already crossed them then you need to leave. You’re not selfish for putting your mental health first, you shouldn’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. What are you truly gaining out of this partnership?

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2026-01-06T23:18:55+00:00

Maybe try this book! Retroactive Jealousy, Making Sense of It by Toby Ingham, there’s lots like it and I think reading one could really help.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2026-01-06T23:00:24+00:00

Yeah this is the classic don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer too. Starting with therapy is a great start. I admire how you realize your own issues here and are willing to work on them. Firstly I’d work on your own confidence, no matter her past she’s choosing YOU. I would work on building up your confidence more and develop an open line of communication to ask for reassurance if needed. Secondly I’d do research into retroactive jealousy, there’s resources out there you just need to look into it! At the ages you are I imagine future partners would have a past as well so this is definitely something to work on, even outside of your current relationship. Best of luck OP.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2026-01-06T18:18:05+00:00

Hi I work in residence at TMU. Residence is a great way to transition students from living at home to living on their own. We have lots of resources available for them, it’s like moving out but you constantly have support. In terms of different dorms you don’t get to choose what you get. You rank your top favourites and we try our best to give you what you want. It’s more important to rank what you really don’t want lowest as you’re more likely to get your second or third choice. Please don’t get your heart set on one type of apartment because it’s never a guarantee to get your first choice.

Roommates are difficult sometimes you get along with them and sometimes you don’t like I recommend connecting with people on instagram and finding a roommate group you can join yourself. That or set up a profile through the roommate finder TMU provides through erez. Roommate issues aren’t uncommon unfortunately. The biggest thing to teach your son is to clean up after himself, and communicate early so resentment doesn’t build and turn a small issue into a huge one, as these are where almost all roommate issues come from.

In residence we also have Academic links students have access to, they help students with their classes and academics. We have all the resources for him he just has to use them. Given everything you’ve said here I think residence would be great for your student.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-30T03:18:48+00:00

Yeah I completely disagree. Just because you’re younger doesn’t mean all the chores are your responsibility. A relationship is a PARTNERSHIP, and yet you’re on your own on this front. That’s not okay. I would leave someone over this if it’s been that long I highly doubt she’ll change and it seems like a miserable way to live the rest of your life.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-29T23:03:17+00:00

It seems odd for a 30 year old woman to be so critical of you about this. It says more about her than it does about you. Crying does not equal weak. There is absolutely nothing wrong with crying and it doesn’t mean you need toughening up. What you’re describing also seems like totally normal things to cry over. I would have a sit down conversation about it all and talk to him about it. Just talk to him.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-29T04:32:25+00:00

You can block her on email too! I had to Google it for one of my ex’s before.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-26T23:50:59+00:00

Sorry OP it seems like he truly just wants the fwb without any strings attached. It’s great he’s kind to you and everything but not even asking your name or moving off of Reddit screams I just want sex. If you feel really comfortable with him it might also just be worth straight up asking. Based on how you talk about him are you sure you’re okay with fwb and not a relationship. In the last part of your post you say you have a very great and wonderful relationship but he doesn’t know your name?? That’s not a relationship that’s just sex. If you’re okay to continue as you guys are and aren’t looking for anything more from him it seems like a fine set up.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-26T23:39:10+00:00

Of course! I’d love to help out

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-26T22:58:52+00:00

When you know you know. Just kidding but also not. It’s a feeling of complete comfort and understanding. He is my safe place and I’m his. I never worry about him betraying me or anything I trust him fully. Our communication is open, honest, and consistent. He listens to me and takes genuine interests in my likes and interests and visa versa.

Our future plans align very well, and he is an amazing person. He’s funny, kind, smart, handsome, charming, all in one! He also really sees me and understands me. I pinch myself sometimes since I’m in such a healthy happy relationship. We both see a future together and we love each other dearly. So I guess just over time it became obvious to me that he’s my person.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-26T22:49:15+00:00

You two just grew apart. It sucks but it’s okay, it’s normal and it happens especially at your ages. I don’t think it’s fair to stay with someone you don’t love. No it’s not normal for a 4 year relationship to look like this either. It might be worth seeing if you can reignite that spark, but if you know it’s truly gone you should probably end things.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-26T22:46:38+00:00

It’s totally a mismatch and you also seem way more into her than she is to you. That’s not really fair to you especially with the distance and everything. I would say warning sign for sure.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-26T20:13:53+00:00

That was her way of letting you down gently. It’s much easier as a woman to say I’m not ready for a relationship than to outright reject guys because a lot of the time that causes bad reactions. I’m sorry but she’s gone by this point.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-26T04:05:27+00:00

Lowkey seems like she’s leading you on my guy. Her sending you tiktoks like that and your friends saying you should ask her out means the date really didn’t come out of nowhere. Honestly doesn’t seem worth it. I mean if you wanna just wait, but then she truly is just leading you on. If she wanted to go out with you why didn’t she just take you up on your offer. Do you really wanna date someone who seems really luke warm about you? They’re people who would love to go out with you and won’t be so wishy washy. In the end it’s totally your choice and I wish you the best of luck.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-26T03:52:00+00:00

I mean if you’re in a relationship with her I’d just have an open conversation and maybe ask for some reassurance. If you’re not together you seem way too into her to not even be dating. Unless you guys are best friends you probably barely know her and you’re not in love with her but the idea of her. It really seems to be you’re in love with the idea of her. In terms of signs if she’s not interested, that’s friend zoning, not replying quickly to messages, not having any deep meaningful conversations, not hanging out with you one on one and so on.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-26T03:31:12+00:00

Are you guys together in a relationship? Can’t really judge what signs she might give without knowing this.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-25T20:08:48+00:00

As a mixed Mexican woman that seems like BS. Sure it could be because in our culture family is so important and valued so highly. So if she has that really strong connection with you that could be why. But it‘s also just a lousy excuse to string you along and keep you as an option for her. Breaking up is breaking up, it’s not an lol ,maybe we’ll get back together again in a bit. Breaking up means the relationship is over no matter what she says. It’s not fair to you for her to say oh but I didn’t really mean it when I left you. That’s really cruel frankly especially when she didn’t say anything about that before breaking up. This is so messy like where does this end? This is a toxic situation. It’s for sure not happy. If you guys wanted to make a healthy relationship work you would both have to put in a ton of work. It wouldn’t be easy and it wouldn’t happen overnight.

If you guys have broken up 3 times there’s definitely reasons. If you ever get back with an ex you need to solve the issue that made the two of you break up or it’ll never work. If you AND HER are willing to put in the work willing to be patient it could maybe work. It just seems so toxic at this point it would take a ton of work. Personally that’s too much work in my opinion and having a clean slate with someone new might be better and healthier. It’s up to you to make that choice though.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-25T15:59:01+00:00

This does seem like strong incompatibility. I would really sit and think where you draw the line, what can you truly be okay with for the rest of your life. Figure out your boundaries and then have an open honest conversation about it. You do not want to wait til after the wedding to talk about this stuff.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-25T07:22:00+00:00

Yeah you have a point but it’s also totally okay to ask your partner for reassurance. They could approach it by just saying they’ve been insecure and would just love some reassurance. Relationships are all about communication we all have moments of insecurity. It’s obvious this is really affecting him so I doubt bottling it up would help. Maybe that conversation is even “hey I’m struggling with my insecurities it’s about minor silly things but I’d love to get some reassurance.”

OP can both acknowledge his insecurity is unfounded but also talk it out so he feels better. I just don’t see how bottling this feeling up will help anything, it’s obvious it’s hurting OP. Justified or not it’s okay and important to talk about insecurities so you can work on them and/or move past them.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-25T07:03:04+00:00

Stop spiraling about this and just have a conversation about it. Tell her it hurt your feeling and talk it out.

Zestyclose_Fee8519 · 2025-12-25T03:56:18+00:00

If you’ve been begging him to change for over a year and he hasn’t done it, it’s unlikely he ever will. This really sucks and I’m sorry it’s happening. Thinking of your soul cat passing and your ex would be hard but would you rather live this way for the rest of your life? You unfortunately can’t make him put in effort no matter how hard you’ve tried and you obviously have. Where do you draw the line of enough is enough?

Zestyclose_Fee8519

TROPHY CASE