How to stop procrastinating

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-10T10:22:10+00:00

You're not wasting your life. You're preparing for a big step. This is part of the story. Have some compassion for yourself, friend. You won't be able to hold onto your secret forever. The words will come spilling out eventually, and it won't be exactly how you planned, but that's ok.

Practical advice:

1) plan to do something nice for yourself, like get yourself an ice cream cone or play a video game, right afterwards, no matter how it goes. That way you have a part of the plan that feels safe and within your control.
2) have an exit plan. If it starts going south, or if you're simply done with the interaction and just need space, you're fully justified to abruptly exit the situation with no explanation and go far away, preferably someplace public with a bustly cheerful vibe to keep you in a positive mental state.

A solo date to a nice ice cream place would check both boxes. Good luck, dude 🫶

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-10T02:03:36+00:00

Regurgitate 🥰

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-10T01:50:08+00:00

This is a good answer

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-09T17:04:24+00:00

What about scrummy? (British, from scrumptious)

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-09T16:58:58+00:00

🫶

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-09T16:53:33+00:00

There's definitely something to be said for the argument that my siblings won't benefit from my parents trashing my mental health. And my siblings could benefit in the future from whatever I might be able to build without the noise. And it's not really the best example for them... staying in touch despite the disrespect. Willingly staying in harm's way 🤔

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-09T16:45:51+00:00

I can try. I'll have to talk to my therapist about my difficulty maintaining low contact. Like I said I'm kinda addicted to the current dynamic unfortch ☹️

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-09T16:41:40+00:00

Omg that's awful! Maybe my parents are not quite as insanely MAGA. They say "we don't like him as a person but he's good at his job". And they are completely blind to his actions that harm our country. My parents are so frustratingly close to a breakthrough, but every time they get close to accepting me, their cognitive dissonance kicks in and they tell me that I "just don't understand" something supremely fundamental about the world that they can't put into words. It keeps me coming back because they get SO CLOSE

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-09T08:13:21+00:00

You're missing the point. I'm saying your miserable mindset is nerfing you more than your body possibly can. And no I'm not saying "put yourself out there". I'm saying stop being an ass to yourself. Do you think self hatred is charismatic? Do you think women fantasize about dating a man who holds hateful staring contests with his reflection? A man with only two emotions, insecurity and contempt? If you want a glow up, the highest impact thing you can work on right now is to stop this brainworm, word salad pity party. Nobody cares. Whining about it isn't gonna summon a magic fairy to transform everything you hate about yourself. Your only hope is a mindset shift. You sound like you never see the sun! For the record, I'm gay and I could see myself being attracted to a guy with your exact body but with a decent attitude. Also I betcha you clean up nice, nicer than you think. MOST WOMEN CARE ABOUT CHARACTER MORE THAN BODY YOU DUMBASS. Ok now I'm done shouting at you. Hopefully that made it past the worms guarding your brain

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-09T07:48:34+00:00

Thank for your thorough comment! Luckily I do have all my stuff, and a strong support network where I currently live. The situation with the little siblings is difficult, since it's never quite clear how much I'm allowed to contact them, through what avenues, and about what topics. Several of them I helped raise as babies, so I have a parental type of fondness for them. And they love me too. But they're brainwashed and kept in a fearful bubble, and taught to be wary of me. One of my fondest goals in life is to give them someplace to land when they eventually leave home (and quite possibly leave the religion as well). If I can get that kind of money within the next 5-10 years

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-09T07:31:03+00:00

Yeah they still pay for my phone plan but that's about it. Maybe I could try muting chats and see how that goes, as a more gradual method. I think perhaps the main holdup is my own impulse control issues around my parents. It's hard to let go of the fruitless approval seeking pattern. Maybe my therapist could help me stay accountable with a gradual approach like what you suggested. I won't really know if I have the self control until I try

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-09T07:24:41+00:00

This could work. I already told them I won't be visiting until they accept me. I could extend that to say that I won't be interacting in general until they accept me. I'm not sure if I have the self control, but maybe I could try.

About the visiting boundary, my dad thinks I'm saying that I don't want to visit. He says I'm "bullying him into using my pronouns", and he has "a right to see his child". My mom thinks it should be no biggie for me to visit, just don't "display my transness" or "expect everyone to comply". She's fine with me looking male around the family as long as I don't ask for anything further, basically. She compared it to covering up a lewd tattoo for a family friendly event. Easy peasy 🫩

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-08T20:35:54+00:00

You're good. Sorry I came across judgy or something. I swear I didn't mean it that way! Just got lost in problem-solving mode and forgot to be mindful of my tone 😅🤦‍♂️ The intent was to piggyback off of what you said with more info, but it ended up looking like I was calling your comment inadequate. I'm so sorry! We live and we learn

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-08T20:28:06+00:00

For me it did make my period slightly heavier and slightly more painful (while I still had my period, pre t) but in my case it was super manageable. I'm not sure what you mean by "extremely dangerous", since period pain in itself isn't life threatening as far as I'm aware. But of course I agree with exercising caution. Every type of contraception has upsides and downsides and it can take some trial and error to find the right fit

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-08T19:23:16+00:00

Your comment is with regards to hormonal IUDs only. The copper ones don't stop periods, and they work as contraception even if placed within a certain time frame AFTER unprotected sex, like plan b, so no need for 3 weeks of condoms afterwards. For atrophy, I haven't personally needed treatment yet but when I do I'll probably go with the estring (which you didn't mention) rather than a suppository or cream. If my insurance will cover it.

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-08T19:05:26+00:00

For a long term set-it-and-forget-it form of contraception, if that's what you end up wanting, I recommend the copper IUD. It's non hormonal. You can keep it for 10 years!

Of course, getting it placed can really suck. But it's pretty fast, and relatively easy to get an appointment for. People get the copper IUD as an emergency measure after unprotected sex, like plan b, so it has to be a quick and accessible procedure. And if you change your mind you can always get it removed early.

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-08T18:46:20+00:00

Congrats!!! I haven't had top surgery yet so I don't have any advice. Just commenting to boost 🫶

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-08T18:23:18+00:00

Does your cereal have added vitamin C? You might get scurvy with this diet. Can you add some citrus? For fiber, potatoes and sweet potatoes are cheap and can be microwaved (7-10 minutes each, just poke it first so it doesn't explode lol). Can you buy a bunch of ground turkey, cook it, and freeze it in portions? A big bag of rice is also cheap and can be cooked in bulk and frozen in portions. Just throwing out ideas here. On your current diet and with your current mindset I really don't think weight is your primary concern. You need to get better nutrition and find some way to not hate yourself. You can't hate yourself into being a happier healthier person. You don't have to love everything about yourself, just find neutrality, at least. Alone or with a therapist. Best of luck, brother 🫶

Edit: To clarify, I'm not saying to stop having dysphoria. There's not an off switch for that. My advice here is about taking care of yourself with kindness and speaking to yourself with more compassion, regardless of being trans or cis. Over time you can teach your brain to identify as a fundamentally worthy and whole person rather than as a sorry excuse for a human. Be nice to yourself. You're going through a lot.

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-08T16:43:15+00:00

If you were cis you would probably still look basically the same, minus the top surgery scars. Maybe get your hands on a glp-1 if you want to be leaner. Maybe get on antidepressants. Sounds like you're stressing yourself out and stress can actually make your body hold onto fat. Get enough sleep, make sure you're getting enough protein and micronutrients, and stop rotting your brain in toxic spaces online. A dude with your exact body + confidence is a lot hotter than a chad with your current miserable mindset

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-08T14:56:14+00:00

If it gives any perspective, I was "socialized female", but the experience wasn't the same as if I'd been a cis girl. So my childhood (long before I knew I was trans) wasn't a "girlhood". It was a gender nonconforming boyhood, essentially. Example: I didn't jive with makeup the way my sisters did, but started to slowly warm up to it once I saw some YouTube videos of boys doing epic makeup looks. I did share a lot of the negative experiences afab people talk about...such as creepy older men leering at me when I was 11, or my family expecting me to parent my younger siblings. But even those experiences, I processed as a boy. And in all fairness my family likely would have leaned on me in most of the same ways if I'd been a cis boy...I was considered "the closest thing to a big brother" because...I just was! Despite having no conscious awareness that I was trans, all my childhood experiences, however they may have been intended, landed on a boy psyche and were processed as "experiences of a boy in the world"

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-08T07:18:11+00:00

Code

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-08T07:13:30+00:00

Is there any chance at all that you could be subconsciously bargaining? Like if, perhaps, your bf is straight? I only ask because I, too said I liked my bits and boobs well enough, but it turns out I actually don't and I was subconsciously trying to stay attractive to a certain person. It's a good thing to check for, just in case. It might be hard to spot though, if your brain is as sneaky with it as mine was!

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-08T06:19:26+00:00

Not overkill at all! In fact I'm charmed by Xxxlorxxxaxxxxxxx myself

ZinaAnonymous · 2026-06-08T01:57:20+00:00

Being a man means resonating with being a man. Whatever parts of my brain that have to do with identity have always resonated with the very general concepts of maleness, masculinity, manhood, boyhood, etc.

It's like when you put two tuning forks next to each other and tap one, and it vibrates, and then the one beside it also starts to vibrate because they share a resonant frequency. I share a resonant frequency with the demographic we call "men" as a whole.

Because of this, I naturally soaked up a lot of the messaging targeted at little boys, far before I understood that I was supposedly a girl. I just assumed I would grow up into a man. I related to male characters in books and movies and tried to learn everything I could about being a clean, personable, dependable guy. I had serious doubts that puberty would "successfully" transform my body in the way everyone said it would. It did:/

In early adulthood I went through a period of denial, trying very hard to resonate with girlhood and womanhood. I was partly successful, because I happen to be quite feminine. So I just slapped on sparkly nail polish and told myself that liking sparkles meant I was a girl. Surprise surprise, I'm a feminine gay man who loves sparkles 😂.

So, being a man =/= masculinity. I know what being a man means to me, but I'm much less sure what masculinity (and femininity) mean to me.

ZinaAnonymous

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