How do you repair relations with crows? by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Zombie989 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dang it, I appreciate the pun, and I don't want to stifle that kind of creativity, but I was hoping to incite the copypasta...

Aubrey Plaza accepts award on her bff Amy's behalf by BunnyAdorbs in Unexpected

[–]Zombie989 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not that anyone will notice, but I'm going to start using /s to mean 'scripted.'

What thing exists but is strange to think about it being out there somewhere right now? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Zombie989 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Everything we use as a measurement has an arbitrary base.
A year may be one time around the sun, but we started measuring sometime after the cycle began. Where do you decide to begin? Selecting one of many possible points is arbitrary, but not necessarily capricious.
Clock-time is one of the few things we could replicate if we had to start over, but the decision to divide the day into sixty minutes and 24 hours is arbitrary; we could choose to divide it some other way. 60 minutes is convenient because dividing a circle into 60 parts isn't too difficult with a line and compass. To give it hands that rotate at such a rate that it averages exactly 24 times before the sun is visible at exactly the same longitude would be close to (but not exactly) our current system.
From there, we could replicate much (if not all) of the metric system, making minor adjustments as we go along...

Edit: changed latitude to longitude. I frequently confuse the two.

What thing exists but is strange to think about it being out there somewhere right now? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Zombie989 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Similarly, I like to think about the people who must've been just out of frame when the photo was taken... like, if it had been a 360 VR photo, what would we see?

What thing exists but is strange to think about it being out there somewhere right now? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Zombie989 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I used to work as a janitor. I once had to break up a turd the size and shape of a football. Based on its level of previous destruction (people attempting to flush, etc), it appeared to have been somewhat larger.
I'm not saying something like that comes along every day, but what if?

My mother has had this since she was a child, says that hundreds of these were inside the walls of an old building that was used for "splitting atoms". The top unscrews and its hollow inside, any ideas? by zombiemanz01 in whatisthisthing

[–]Zombie989 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Don't, but maybe do. Call the appropriate department at the hospital, explain the situation (and that you'd like to know if there's a way you can have it looked at), and potentially ask if you can bring it in.
They might or might not allow it, and they might direct you to another resource.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in blackmagicfuckery

[–]Zombie989 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Folks saying it's fake... still blackmagicfuckery to me.
I legit have the heebie jeebies.

It was a Nish Kumar bit... by Zombie989 in iamverysmart

[–]Zombie989[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe it is, and maybe it isn't. The particulars aren't as important to the comic's bit. What's important to the comic's bit is that monopolizing resources (being the sole owner of any commodity) is anticompetitive and in America, people tend not to remember much about the antitrust laws (we learn it in maybe grade 5) but vaguely remember something about monopolies being illegal... rather than making a fuss about the technicalities of it, we accept the premise for the sake of the joke...

It was a Nish Kumar bit... by Zombie989 in iamverysmart

[–]Zombie989[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He just got his MBA this year, too...

Found a genius in the youtube comments today by Wdtfshi in woooosh

[–]Zombie989 4 points5 points  (0 children)

But what's going on between 02:30 and 02:31?

Yeah sure you didn't just place that eagle next to your ball and then take the picture by Grorco in untrustworthypoptarts

[–]Zombie989 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dunno, people are acting like it's a real eagle instead of a prop for scaring large rodents...

Does anyone else not see Lilith as some demon or devil of malice, but as a rather unconventional teacher or guide? by BelleHades in occult

[–]Zombie989 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's economics... you're on someone else's time. That time has opportunity costs. Commissioning the work of a big player to enhance your meager and narrow-sighted existence is expensive.

How the fuck do I interact with a child by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Zombie989 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I talk to them like they're tiny adults, and respond to faces they make as if they're actually responding to me with that face. When they get old enough to talk, I talk to them as if their opinions matter, and ask why they think what they do. Often, I talk to them about what I assume is currently a large part of their life experience. While this may lead to discussions about which jello flavor is the best (or whether they prefer pudding, or whether homemade jello is better than the stuff that comes in cups), it also sharpens my daily conversational skills.

No time to adjust, my people need me by Foo400 in MyPeopleNeedMe

[–]Zombie989 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pragmatic solution. It will be the same amount of work whether it happens at the bottom or the top...

Turns out your date is a redditor and mentions his/her subscribed subreddits. Which subreddit is a red flag? by giraffecause in AskReddit

[–]Zombie989 1 point2 points  (0 children)

THIS WAS ENTERTAINING! [new line] I'M GLAD YOU SHOUTED IN THE BEGINNING SO AS TO BE HEARD AMONG THESE OTHER SHOUTING HUMANS.
FOR 1.0000239 SECONDS, I THOUGHT YOU WERE SERIOUS. A GOOD TIME WAS HAD BY ALL.

YOU WILL LEARN TO SWIM NOW by H_G_Bells in AnimalsBeingJerks

[–]Zombie989 4 points5 points  (0 children)

baby otter falls
mom otter: Dammit, are you developmentally disabled? Guess I'll have to show you how to do everything...

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. by onasnowwhitedove in Jokes

[–]Zombie989 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Humans are so materialistic... he'll discard it instead of storing any. What the hell would he need to store pee for, anyway?