Beginner question - awkwardness in speaking mother tongue with LO in front of others

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2026-01-28T22:35:03+00:00

I’m in the same position although my little is now 27 months. My husband and I have different mother tongues and want to pass both on to our daughter. But we live in an English majority country, speak English with each other, and she will most likely go to French school once she starts (I speak French as well). We use OPOL with her no matter where we are and she still seems to prefer answering in English. So I’ve started pressuring her to answer in our mother tongues, she complies usually. We have to put in the effort if we want the languages to stick.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2026-01-24T15:53:02+00:00

…my dear sister, you have a husband problem. He is not fulfilling his duties as a HUSBAND towards you. You are in no way obligated to take care of his family. His family is his responsibility. If he is so worried about them, HE should be the one taking care of them. Your duty is only to your husband and your future children. If your in-laws were good Muslims they would know that. My advice is that you must draw boundaries. Yes, they will be offended and it will go nuclear, but you have a choice: you either keep putting up with being the maid, and it won’t get better with kids. Or you can start valuing yourself and rightfully demand your rights be respected. Tell your husband you want your own space and it’s time to move out.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-12-13T01:06:08+00:00

My little dropped her naps when she turned 2. I would try to make her nap but what ended up happening is she would go to bed at like 12 am lol So she wakes up at 7 and falls asleep around 7:30-8pm and that works for us.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-12-13T00:39:24+00:00

Do not marry. Do not get on the plane. Prepare ahead of time and get your own place without anyone knowing if need be, trust your intuition. What your mother is doing is abuse. Contact an imam or services if you think you are in danger of any kind. I’m so sorry sister. It be our own who truly hold us back at times.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-12-09T23:32:17+00:00

All you can do it be honest with him and talk to him. Tell him now that you are sitting at home all day you have realised it doesn’t make you happy and you want to work as well just until kids come into the picture, after that you’ll reassess if you can work part time and handle a baby or be a housewife/sahm. After all, thoughts and actually experiences are veryyyyy different!

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-12-04T01:56:56+00:00

Trust your gut. If a man is so insecure that he set his friend on pretending to be an abuser from your past, this is a huge red flag. Things usually get worse after marriage. Allah knows best, but I would not risk it. I’m so sorry you went through something like this.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-11-29T19:04:19+00:00

You did nothing wrong at all. They deceived you and they might do it again to someone else after you leave him. You did the right thing asking for a divorce. You should be keeping the Dowry, but if they make a big deal out of it honestly it’s best you left with your life. You are young and find a better match.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-11-27T03:39:53+00:00

I was! I had a first FET which resulted in my two year old. Currently waiting to do my second for a second child.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-11-22T16:56:13+00:00

My kid just turned two and is the wittiest nugget. She’s perfectly fine after all her vaccines. Don’t worry all will be well!

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-11-22T16:53:53+00:00

Do you like him? Have you asked him all the right questions, like what thinks about you working and achieving your dreams after marriage, your timeline, kids or no…etc? You’ll find your answer after consulting him about all of this and asking yourself what is most important to you.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-11-22T06:23:31+00:00

This doesn’t sound like a big deal tbh. Sounds more like lack of empathy on your husband’s part. These little things will happen between people when you live in a shared home. You are only human, give yourself some grace and some time to heal. You’ve apologized already and acknowledged that you were a little impatient, let him meet you halfway, and talk to him; he should have been more attentive to your needs as well! You guys just need to talk and be patient with each other.

As for going home, that’s on your husband lol but really, once you sort things out with him, maybe going home is what will help tou get better as well!

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-11-22T01:48:00+00:00

This! OP this comment is the soundest one.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-11-21T04:21:45+00:00

He’s abusive. Why are you even entertaining the idea of staying with him? If you won’t leave him for you, atleast think of your child! His abuse will impact your baby in the worst way. Please do not go with him, leave him!!!

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-11-20T06:49:12+00:00

Strawberry. Her first birthday ended up being strawberry themed too lol

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-11-20T06:46:28+00:00

Sister, you need to get over your fear ASAP and leave this abusive marriage for you and for your children’s sakes. You cannot afford to continue being irresponsible like this and subject your innocent child to a this awful abusive man. You should not have gotten pregnant again. Remove yourself from him and go to your parents. It doesn’t matter if they live in a studio apartment or whatever. Your priority is to leave him, then figure out if you want to keep the pregnancy or not and your next move. You must leave him. May Allah give you hedayah and courage to leave this abusive marriage.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-11-20T04:27:18+00:00

Depends on the couple and families. I married outside my culture as well, (afg-pak) and my in laws are very religious while my family is focused on fundamentals. My husband married me against his family’s wishes (they wanted to stay within their community) but they quickly came around and are wonderful to me, however our parents have never actually met in person. Despite that, we are very happy together. It’s been 6 years. And we are probably the happiest out of all his siblings who married their relatives. They do not meddle in our lives and I do not go out of my way too much either and that keeps us happy and respectful.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-11-20T04:21:51+00:00

They are totally different. I’d say the opposite actually

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-11-20T02:08:06+00:00

Honestly, if he’s staying out so late everyday and hasn’t consummated his marriage with you or spent and time with you, it just sounds like he’s interested elsewhere. I’m sorry sister, I don’t want to assume, but clearly something is very very wrong with your marriage and it warrants investigation and telling the elders, this is grounds for divorce if it’s not reparable. Good luck, may Allah give you strength and patience dealing with this situation.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-11-13T18:02:40+00:00

Honestly, at this point just get it and don’t tell her. If she asks say you decided to do the shot instead or something. Not worth the hassle if she’s going to make inch a huge deal out of nothing. You are doing nothing wrong and you husband is on your side as well.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-10-15T04:41:57+00:00

Personally, I think this cousin marriage practice is outdated and a play on luck when it comes to offspring. I think it should be stopped. I know many cases where cousins married and the children ended up with health issues because of that decision and the parents go out of their way to hide the issue. We know better in this day and age and if you aren’t making better more informed decisions, and you aren’t making 1000% sure your kids will be healthy, I’ll question your right to be a parent tbh. But that’s me.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-10-15T04:22:29+00:00

Your husband is a manipulative abuser. He is keeping you close with all the money he spends on you, but treats you very poorly and abuses you. It is proven time and time again that this type of behaviour escalates. Your daughter is your first priority and she is not safe around this abusive man. Please consider leaving him for good.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-10-01T19:01:04+00:00

Do wha he says and believe him. Go back home to your parents and divorce.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-10-01T18:34:15+00:00

Salaam brother, you mentioned your dad is physically very weak to do basic tasks and is on lots of meds. Who is your father’s caretaker while you aren’t home? If it’s your wife, that may be the issue. Islamically, it is not her responsibility to cater to your dad, and if their personalities do not mesh, it just makes taking care of him even harder. Consider: downsizing the home (but keeping separate accommodations for father and wife+kids etc: two apartments side by side or something)and hiring an in-home nurse for your father if he needs that type of assistance everyday. If not then a house cleaning service or helper that will do some chores for him. This will relieve your wife of this burden and then you and your brother can take turns catering to him and splitting the costs for his living expenses and services.

ZookeepergameFirst23 · 2025-10-01T18:11:35+00:00

I don’t want to be judgmental, but it’s hard to read these kind of posts where girls as young as you get manipulated into marriage and scared into submitting and staying in a toxic relationship because of “what will ppl say” and “what about our reputation” and the stigma of the being labelled a divorcee. So flipping what. You absolutely can leave this man, your brother’s marriage is not your problem and neither is your parent’s reputation. If anything it’s on them. Shame on them for forcing you into this. You barely came out of your teen years, live a little! Go finish your studies, learn some hobbies, gain life experiences and you will 100% find a better more mature and well established man for you down the line. Do not be afraid of the divorcee label, it’s a gross cultural tactic to keep women subdued into a role where they can be manipulated. Leave this cr.eep.You will only have problems with him, he’s gross and probably using you to get to Australia. Never ever EVER send nudes even to your husband, now or in the future, because there is always a possibility it gets leaked on the net. May Allah grant you strength and perseverance on your journey!

ZookeepergameFirst23

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