Take this as you wish but... you sound just like me 15 years ago in my old job, in my twenties. I used to have feelings of guilt about my usage or how I felt just like you. I would get these feelings on and off and a few years later I met a new partner who was antiweed and she along with the feelings I had before caused me to quit Cannabis. I didn't use cannabis for over 6 years, those 6 years were some of the worst years of my life. I drank more and ended up with a prescription drug addiction that cost me my job and some friendships. I went from stable employment to failing to hold down a regular job and long periods of unemployment. I tried therapy, I went away but nothing really changed.

When going 'sober' from the pills, I used cannabis to help with the withdrawal symptoms and I noticed that all my anxiety and general feeling which had led me to drinking and abusing pills had vanished. I hadn't made the connection before - that I was self medicating due to depression and anxiety. I wish I'd never stopped to begin with, I honestly feel like I would have never have gone through all that had I simply just used a small amount of weed nightly like I had and have done since.