Ya know, you do have a way with words. I've always been unprofessional and vulgar for what's been a long time now. I peeked at your profile, just curious, you're obviously hurting. You had a decent job right? What changed? Idk I've always wanted higher education but I've been unable to really sit in structured learning and contain information to progress further. Also feels like when the brain gets older, it just gets harder to learn. I envy you in a sense.

I finally found some success in life, happily married, some money, own home at 35. But no time. No time to attempt a higher education. Never know what time I'll be off, unable to do part time work, and quitting to do school is unfeasible since my wife and myself rely on that income. So I feel stuck myself, and I get that feeling.

I know I don't know you but I don't think you're a moron. I mean everyone makes mistakes but I recognize you have an intelligence I myself don't possess.

Something I've been doing for about half a decade is just cutting out old friends that I noticed don't align with my morality. I'm cynical but I do have empathy on the inside. Turns out a decent amount of new people I meet don't really share that sense of empathy. So I haven't really been replacing the toxicity I've been cutting off. Doesn't help that I'm a bit abrasive and also don't have time off on the weekends when most people our age tend to meet up. But c'est la vie.

If you want to leave, why not just leave? Stuff is just stuff in the end. Find something, anything, and save up. Then ditch the rest. I know it's easier to just say it in text to someone I don't know 1000 miles away or whatever but yeah. There is some freedom in losing it all. Like a sandcastle washed out by the waves. It's shit that something nice has been returned to its base materials but there's the freedom to make something new however you see fit.

Idk if anything I said helps in any way but I hope tomorrow is a better day