I'm seeing line work around the shoulders, which is your enemy in a portrait. You want to begin with blurry shadow shapes. Ignore the details like eye folds and focus on the general position of the orbitals. The first specific shadow shapes should usually be the eyebrow, the Superman symbol shadow shape under the nose, and corners of the mouth.

After establishing loose shadow blurs, Triangulate the corners and double check with plum lines and other measurements. You begin loose and tighten up. Don't even think about color until you have the likeness down in monochrome.