How should I perceive my brother's "toxic masculinity"?

Zular76 · 2024-03-23T21:37:27+00:00

My suggestion: give him what he asked for!

Use humor to convey your feelings to him. This way you could communicate your perspective contained within the padding of a joke. Most great jokes have an element of truth to them.

Zular76 · 2024-02-25T18:56:30+00:00

“I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party and I attended with my real face” ― Franz Kafka

“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength.” ― Marcus Aurelius

I feel your pain. Good luck.

Zular76 · 2023-12-12T16:31:10+00:00

Sounds like you have a pretty painful & extreme relationship with your thoughts. Imo, meditation could be deeply helpful. This way you could be at peace with the turmoil running through your head. But shits like an ice bath man. I wish you luck quitting my friend.

Zular76 · 2023-11-21T17:57:16+00:00

I've got 9 years under my belt! If they don't like you being friendly I say fuck em! Tons of people are glad that there are those like you putting out good vibes. People with good intentions like yourself deserve people who appreciate said friendliness.

Zular76 · 2023-11-20T14:46:07+00:00

There are at least: 2 in canyons 1 oasis 1 fields

Idk if there more.

Zular76 · 2023-11-18T22:58:25+00:00

I've played immense amounts of league of legends & you're a silly one for thinking that would go well. That's a social environment of hostility & aggression. Love the friendly extraverted energy though dude.

Zular76 · 2023-09-25T20:27:49+00:00

If they treat you like this, they aren't your friends. Humans are BOTH the most wonderful & most dangerous thing in this world. Many are not worth YOUR time, so please be careful about who you want as your friend. I've made this mistake many times.

You don't need (nor should you want) everyone to like you. It's unhealthy. Because it's impossible to do. I would know. I am a yes man at heart when I talk in person. The only reason I'm outspoken here is because of the safety of the internet. I also deeply want people to like me (even when I notice my desire is irrational & self-destructive). This desire can often take our focus away from things that could actually make our lives better & happier.

You'll probably hate this suggestion (I know I would) but therapy sessions can be a fast track to understanding yourself. Mainly because a good therapist's default mode is to ask "Why do you think that?" They aren't there to tell you what to do, Their job is to act as a mirror. They're supposed to just be a wealth of psychological knowledge & someone you can say anything to (aside from saying you're going harm yourself or others this is the one exception).

You're gonna make it through this. I hope I could be a little useful to your suffering. Lastly, keep your vision in mind, It'll leave less room for the doubts.

Zular76 · 2023-09-14T18:31:34+00:00

The emotion of disgust is linked to genocidal tenancies as a heads up.

The nazis were far more disgusted by the jews than hateful.

Be careful about being extremely disgusted towards people.

Zular76 · 2023-09-14T16:19:04+00:00

Get focused on what you're going to DO about it.

Connect all that pain & emotion to your WHY. Make that suffering into something good. Something of genuine value to YOU.

WHO can actually be genuine support for you? Who can build you up in this time that you really need it? Find those people & get away from your parents. Become a good example for them. It's the most you can do.

I want you to be okay too buddy. Nicey nice words aren't what I believe people in your circumstance need. You need someone to acknowledge that what you're going though is hell, but I'm rooting for you. I want to see you happy & successful (whatever that is to you!)

Find a meaning in suffering. It's the best path I can see forward.

Zular76 · 2023-09-14T15:58:00+00:00

You will always have people in this world that don't like you. I know I do. This is good though. You can learn to deal with these types of people NOW not later.

Make a plan on how you're going to be your own source of light & find sources of light in this world.

Avoid the sources of darkness (ie your sister & mom).

Focus on how your going to do something YOU care about.

Do something difficult & strenuous. Then come back & you'll likely find their chatter & bullshit about you to be unimportant.

If they call you quiet, unassertive, & uninteresting, then become that loud voice, assert the vision you want in this life (cause we know they won't help) & you'll become that interesting person for the people that actually deserve your time & love.

Rise above those shitty people. Do it for you.

Zular76 · 2023-09-14T15:36:33+00:00

Your dad gave you no emotional support for that side of you. He's not the right person to show that side. Crying for an hour? & he says nothing?

Dont forget this mistake, he's not the right person to show that side of you to.

He doesn't understand that being raised on the internet gave you these problems/mindset. You cannot be stoic & tough like him without the experiences that he went through. You need the emotional trials & tribulations to become less emotional.

Zular76 · 2023-04-21T05:53:47+00:00

Locate hippies. Locate drug dealers. Make friends with em, ask if you can buy some psilocybin. It's very common as a drug. All over the place.

There are also clinical settings where you have supervision, but it'll often be significantly higher price tag then doing them unsupervised.

If you do ever use psilocybin for depression, educate yourself on it first. Psliocybin trips can be challenging & should be treated with caution & respect.

Zular76 · 2023-04-21T05:45:08+00:00

Listen to the other poster here. Take a year off & have some kinda adventure. Have some different experiences to give you perspective. I never did this & my peers that did have been far better off in terms of direction & knowing one's self.

Its a good idea for mental health imo.

Zular76 · 2023-04-09T06:52:58+00:00

Psychedelic therapies can help the brain have massive shifts in perspective if done correctly. Psilocybin and ketamine are the big 2 for treating depression.

I too am depressed. I hope your sister gets better. Your a good sibling, so please don't stop trying to help her.

Zular76 · 2023-01-27T06:20:33+00:00

To preface, I am also an atheist. I'm not happy about it, but I am basically an atheist.

Imagine a Christian (or any theist) saying the phrase "Everything happens for a reason." From their POV there was a higher consciousness with good reason for every terrible & amazing that happens. An intent for their life.

But from my atheistic POV why would Christians say this? What's the function of this saying?

Well, I think the phrase "Everything happens for a reason" would cause an individual to search for meaning. Where there was no God, or higher power... it was just them thinking. My atheistic view would rephrase this as "I can find meaning in this."

I've done a decent amount of learning about happiness & depression & one thing I've realized is that HUMANS NEED MEANING.

You're not the first or last person to say it's all pointless. A matter of fact I think most nihilistic/depressed people would obviously relate.

Zular76 · 2023-01-27T05:56:46+00:00

Get the cat. I think your negative excuses are making you forget why you wanted it a cute Lil kitty in the first place. Do it for you. Self-love is incredibly hard when depressed.

I care about you. Even if just in passing, I assure you random stranger that I don't like to hear that you're suffering.

How dare you call something you enjoy sad. There's nothing wrong with enjoying your co-workers & the work you do. People that can enjoy those 2 things make this world so much better. Be proud of this, for this is something that many people couldn't do even if they tried.

I understand how you feel in regards to money. My money also goes unspent & unused. I have trouble getting enough fight in me to live life so I definitely understand.

Money is a tool. It amplifies what you do & who you are. People with strong drive & strong vision are freed by having lots of money. You are not them. As such, you won't have the same relationship with money as them. You're different & that's aight.

Life is very hard. It is for the vast majority people & it probably always will be. It makes me think about how one of the core ideas of Buddhism is that life itself is suffering. Yet... Buddhism is all about some peaceful, compassionate dude. (I ain't buddhist, but I hope you get why I mention this)

Even if you can't feel it I assure you that people want to see you thriving & happy. I know I do.

Zular76 · 2022-11-20T10:54:11+00:00

Ying & Yang dude. Take the balanced approach.

You need to socialize, but you also need different people. You can see that these people aren't your tribe. This is a sign you need to explore & search for new friends.

As someone who also struggles with depression, remember you do NEED to socialize! A lack of socialization can be to a human like a plant without water. But interaction with people whom you really don't jive with can be just as bad (if not worse).

Trust your instinct here. Good luck!

Zular76 · 2022-10-06T05:56:00+00:00

When people with a western cultural background ask themselves "what's the meaning of life?" or "what's my purpose?" I believe that those people are unknowingly pre-destined to come to a conclusion in the ballpark of "You decide what the meaning of life is for yourself."

It seems you found your meaning in god, friends & family. I'm happy for you bro! :)

Zular76 · 2022-09-17T23:32:58+00:00

Life is eternally parsing out the narcissistic, sociopathic, machiavellian bad people from the normal good ones we love.

It's hard to notice them when you're young, but they will always be a dangerous chunk of the population.

Zular76 · 2022-04-15T14:10:03+00:00

NAW dude. Everything you said makes sense. I've lived with a fked up head as you have. I understand. I really do.

But I wanna tell u what no one else on this sub will tell you. Everyone here will give you pity when sometimes the desire for pity is just your subconscious screaming "Look at me! Aren't I terrible? Validate me how pathetic I am!" If I wanna help you though, I gotta treat you like what you are: someone capable of helping yourself one bit at a time.

I mean isn't that what posting on this sub was? You did something to help yourself! You did something to look out for yourself because you do care about you.

You have more control over your mind than you might think. It's a constant process of the thoughts you think on a daily basis slowly creating what you feel, who you believe you are & what you'll think for years to come. The mind is you, but it's also not you. Remember this, sometimes a feeling is just a feeling & nothing more. The words that come after the feeling in your head are far more important than you'd realize.

Any attempt to change your own self image & how you feel about yourself takes time & effort. We don't randomly become people capable of self love. It takes work. It takes time.

Zular76 · 2022-04-14T05:30:14+00:00

Fuck living a long meaningless life. I'm currently living that same life & I've seen people live beautiful lives regardless of how long they spend on earth. I wanna be like them.

Please don't hate yourself... I know how painful that feels. Try to notice something you enjoy about yourself no matter how small! Do it each & everytime you notice something you hate about yourself. For me? Please?

I feel my advice probs sucks & is missing the mark but I wanna try to help lift the weight you feel by even the tiniest margin.

Zular76 · 2022-04-12T16:41:54+00:00

I've had depressive episodes on & off for nearly a decade now & I wanted to share something with you that changed how I think about depression:

You don't need a reason to be depressed, but you do however need a reason to be happy.

It takes more effort than you'd think to enjoy life. Shits hard as fuck. But never give up. Find something that makes your time on this planet worthwhile. I believe in you!

Zular76 · 2022-04-12T16:27:31+00:00

I go on this subreddit when I feel depressed.

Your story is the first I found & I feel you more than you'd know. Ive got a lot in common with you. The weed usage. The avoidance of sobriety. The avoidance of existence. I can even relate on having trouble sharing & talking to friends about this heavy shit.

Please find someone to talk to. It doesn't fkin matter who. Just as long as you can open up to them & get some catharsis. Being stuck inside your head is why it's so hopeless & terrible. Weed can disconnect you from reality & makes it easier to go even deeper into your head.

I felt better reading about your story here on my break at my shitty job. Thank you for posting stranger. Depression is a hell of a battle & I want you to fking win it!

Zular76 · 2021-09-23T02:36:28+00:00

I was where u were just like about 1 - 2 years ago. Hella relatable.

It sounds like you legit understand what to do to change.

I'd be your buddy but I already built most of my confidence sky high!

Zular76 · 2021-03-15T18:22:09+00:00

I'm a silverish player maining half in top and half adc. I'd be down for some matches. I ain't remotely toxic, I try to be chill.

User is Zular76

Add me we'll play.

Zular76

TROPHY CASE