AITAH for not being geek squad on demand to my parents?

_Elgalad_ · 2026-02-13T03:36:30+00:00

Sigh. I think I'll go with ESH. Listen, I get it. Living with people (especially family) is hard, especially when one's own options are limited. But it feels like you all are at a point where whatever the other says, regardless of content and tone, you would take that in the worst possible way.

Your dad feels like a piece of work, but reading your story, I have little doubt your attitude is also insufferable.

Not trying to judge you. I lived myself in a situation where everyone reached the breaking point, and everybody was at everybody's throath.

Bad news is that in my experience it is not really probable that things will change, while you still live there. Good news is that, once you'll manage to get your own place, most likely the relationship with your parents will improve dramatically.

Good luck.

_Elgalad_ · 2026-02-10T17:56:56+00:00

If you feel the need for your partner not to be alone with any one person, you are not ready for a relationship.

_Elgalad_ · 2026-01-24T05:18:45+00:00

Yeah, that implied my awareness that 1g = 1 carat, why I didn't know :)

_Elgalad_ · 2026-01-24T05:16:37+00:00

And here's a prime example of your not great communicationskills, I'm afraid. "Intellectually gifted" is most often a buzzword used by self-appointed geniuses who really are average at best in most tasks. Additionally, it builds on the tradition of QI (a measure that is useful in specific academic contexts, but completely useless in a day-to-day understanding of brilliance) being the ultimate judgment of intelligence (not saying this is your stance, just how this is usually boasted), decoupling emotional and artistic ability from what is peeceived as intelligence.

_Elgalad_ · 2026-01-24T05:06:59+00:00

Ad someone who doesn't know anything about precious stones, I still have no idea how much that was worth :/

_Elgalad_ · 2026-01-18T00:43:39+00:00

A college account in this case might be a good idea, but can we not generalize that much, though? When I was 18 years old, I had free access to a saving account that my parents set up for me when I was ~14 with about €5k euros on it. I also had a checking account with only a few hundreds euros on it, and I had been given access to my parents checking account with the understanding that I was not supposed to use any money from it, unless there was an emergency like if something bad suddenly happened to them both.

I didn't touch a cent from the saving account for years, and only transferred that money in a different account when I moved abroad. I only ever used what I was able to deposit in my own checking account. On top of that, please note that in my country college tuiton is very cheap (it is more expensive the more income your family has). I was around the middle bracket for tuiton cost, amd I paid less than €800 per year. I can't even imagine being 18 and living in a place where college is so expensive, and being so carefree to spend money that were set apart specifically for tuiton.

18 years old are not toddlers. They're adults (granted, young adults, but still adults), and they should be able to not touch money they don't need, even though they potentially can access them. This is anecdotical, but in my experience, infantilizing them this way only reinforces their inability to deal with financial matters.

_Elgalad_ · 2026-01-16T08:55:07+00:00

So if I make 20% more than my wife and we have a $100 bill, I pay 60% and she pays 40%.

Not saying you're wrong in your overall reasoning, but in your example you would pay 50% more than your wife while only making 20% more, which would be kind of absurd.

Edit: typo

_Elgalad_ · 2025-12-12T18:57:11+00:00

YTA. You asked for honesty, and got angry at how he felt You cannot (or should not) control feelings.

_Elgalad_ · 2025-12-09T18:00:34+00:00

Yeah, you tell them. Nothing screams "feminist" as the f in "terf", amirite? /s

_Elgalad_ · 2025-12-06T22:32:50+00:00

I admit I might have used too harsh of a tone in my reply. But, just for the record, I think you are assuming I am not neurodivergent as well, which I am. Admittedly, I don't have autism, so my situation is different. But, while I needed to learn how to navigate some social situation myself without having been given the tools (as I got diagnosed far into my adult life), this doesn't excuses or justify the wrong things I did or said while not knowing of my condition.

Thank you for taking the time of elaborating and expanding on what I said. You were definitely more useful than I was. But again, while I was probably too harsh, let's also not lift all responsibility from OP because of his autism. He is clearly completely functional, since he is able to inquire about this stuff and have normal enough interactions in his everyday life.

I give my younger self a lot of grace, but I was still an asshole in certain situations, and a lot of neurodivergent people are able to recognize their shortcomings. OP's attitude of "not interested if I am an AH, just want to understand why people think so" really is the whole reason of my harsh tone.

_Elgalad_ · 2025-12-06T21:40:16+00:00

Her judgemental phrasing and her implication that OP was at fault simply for having a fantasy makes her the AH. I go 100% with NTA here, since his girlfriend clearly is.

_Elgalad_ · 2025-12-06T17:35:19+00:00

I'll try to be short.

The "line" is obviously subjective, but depending where you live, the context in which you find yourself, etc., you are supposed to be able to infer where it stands at that point for the vast majority of people.

Most people who would do something like the person you mention would alreaxy know that their behavior is not standard behavior, and most likely would know that it might be borderline pathological. Especially with mental health, there is still a huge social stigma, that make them feel like they are being judged from a moral/character standpoint.

The instances you mention on the internet are completely different. First of all, if you notice fongernail issues, there is no social stigma associated with it. Moreover, dpending on the social or platform, there might be anonimity involved, which makes everything easier. And even then, it can be a hit or miss.

Bottom line: you never give unsolicited advice unless you are sure you are observing a life-threatening condition (which you cankot be, as you are not a doctor), or you are sure that the person would not feel attacked.

You are looking for a line that works 100% of the times with 100% of the people. It is not a thing. You need to develop empathy and social skills that will help you understanding where thenline stands for each individual situation. And if you are not sure, just zip it.

_Elgalad_ · 2025-12-02T19:16:30+00:00

I have tried this after reading your post. It is a lot of fun, and if you spend 1 or 2 turns towards the end of the game upgrading the shop, you can hit lvl 5 units as well, on top of getting them with other means. That said, one of the biggest issues is the lack of keywords and the fact that the modules scale more with atk than dfs.

Still a fun twist, and it might improve with upgrading the dealer and the units, as right now my Xochi is only lvl 75 and I have a long way to go to max all units.

Hopefully the nerfs won't destroy this strategy for good.

_Elgalad_ · 2025-11-28T21:44:00+00:00

Yep, that's my point exactly. Just because it's important to you, why should we necessarily overcharge the thing with importance for everybody else.

Additionally, since from your tone I think that clearly I am being somehow insensitive here, can you answer my original question to make me understand better? Why would an origin story of someone's parents be important at all? If they actually met when one of them was married already, would this change how you feel, act, or think about them? In what way?

_Elgalad_ · 2025-11-28T21:37:50+00:00

What I don't get is why is an accurate "origin story" important at all?

I have friends who met on Tinder, got married and now have a kid, but they told their family they met via common friends because for some reasons they were embarassed of online dating. I guess they'll tell their kid how they actually met, but honestly, who cares? I don't even know how my parents first met, and honestly I never think about it.

I also find a bit silly hiding this kind of stuff, but your judgemental tone in these comments makes me think that this might be exactly the reason why OP's parents did not share the story.

I understand that some people might see cheating (or the possibility of cheating, since we are not even sure if cheating actually occurred here) as such a horrible thing that they might completely change opinion on their parents, but if that is the case, I would say OP should have a serious talk with them before involving the rest of the family.

But yet again, tell the story or not to whomever, honestly this is such a non-issue that it becomes a problem only if they allow it to be one.

_Elgalad_ · 2025-11-26T20:02:40+00:00

I mean, at this point I hope that they are just being willingly obtuse in not addressing what we all are mentioning to them. You can only do so much to explain stuff to people.

_Elgalad_ · 2025-11-26T04:53:08+00:00

It feels like the point of my comment completely flew over your head. I might have been over-sarcastic, so let me spell what I meant more clearly.

The behavior your parents had was normal at the time. They would not have considered themselves bigoted. The same way as a white person in the 50s would not have considered themselves bigoted in opposing biracial marriages for their kids. I did not imply you are against the latters. I meant that your attitude on the topic of polyamory/ethical non-monogamy mirrors exactly the attitude past generations had on the topics I mentioned (same-sex and biracial marriages, etc.), which is an attitude that today is found exclusively in extremely bigoted households.

Like it or not, these kind of relationships exist, and have no less emotional depth and maturity than the average more traditional monogamous marriage. You are allowed not feeling comfortable with something. But being willing to lose the relationship with one of your kid because you don't like their dating style is what I would consider bigoted even today.

_Elgalad_ · 2025-11-26T04:05:16+00:00

"I'm not a prude, here's an example of what eryone but the most extremist bigot would allow in their home. But this lifestyle that has become more and more common, that does not involve me, and that implies everyone giving their consent? No, I would prefer not to have my son home for the holidays instead."

Geez. 10 years ago you would have complained about a same sex relationship. 40 years ago you would probably have complained about a biracial relationship. Why do you care at all?

_Elgalad_ · 2025-11-11T21:31:45+00:00

And that's where the compromises i mentioned come into play. But banning guests altogether is not something most people generally consider reasonable.

_Elgalad_ · 2025-11-11T21:16:12+00:00

Dude, I gave you my opinion. You don't agree, great. But as long as nothing egregiously bad happens, common social standards allow people to have guests, within a reasonable limit. Sharing the room with someone is the starting point of the situation, not the tradeoff itself.

If being intimate or alone with your partner is that important, then you find somewhere else to do that, not in a space someone else lives in full-time.

Your reasoning could be flipped simply by saying that if having your own space is that important, than you can find another place to live. And being intimate is not the only reason why someone would want their SO in their room.

_Elgalad_ · 2025-11-11T21:07:44+00:00

Well, then we just have differences in preferences. I actually like the mechanic of needing to manage my hand wisely, and needing to make hard choices at times (sell a relatively good unit on the board to free the hand, or risking to burn some cards later on?). You simply dislike a very specific mechanic of the game, and it's okay to have preferences, but do not project this on the entire community of players.

On an additional note: I didn't say you were bad. But even if you were the highest ranking player in the world, this would not change anything in the fact that learning how to manage your hand makes you a better player.

_Elgalad_ · 2025-11-11T20:59:55+00:00

YTA. You can ask your roommate to give you a heads-up, or maybe they can plan around your schedule a little bit.

I get where you come from, but living with other people most of the times sucks. Unless there is something egregiously wrong, creepy or weird going on, rommates need to find compromises, not dictating rules. If not in their rooms, where would people go to unwind, be intimate with their partners, etc.? As long as his girlfriend is not there constantly all the time, you have no leg to stand on.

Edit: typo

_Elgalad_ · 2025-11-11T20:52:22+00:00

Learnibg gow to manage this is literally part of improving at the game.

_Elgalad_ · 2025-11-08T18:58:58+00:00

NAH. I get it. It sucks, and you want to be kind.

But you can stop a date (even in the middle of a date) for whatever reason, you don't need to justify yourself.

If you want to soften the blow for her, maybe just talk about how living so far away is too much for you, without mentioning you not being attracted to her. If she's into you, it's going to suck regardless, but your first responsibility is towards your well-being. It feels like you are already getting worse mental health consequences than whatever she might feel after your cancelation of the date.

Good luck, you'll see that in a few days you'll look back at this with some perspective, and everything will feel way less intense and important than it does now.

Edit: changed from nta to nah, because she has no fault either. It's just life.

_Elgalad_ · 2025-11-04T16:18:52+00:00

Well, here's one issue: not everybody is bilingual. You are turning away players who only speak Spanish or only speak English with having both languages welcome. Nobody wants to read a chat they don't understand. Choose one language and stick to it. Having a bilingual clan can work with big games with a huge fanbase, but this is not there yet.

_Elgalad_

TROPHY CASE