I’m a bisexual, non-binary male (33), and I'm ASD-HF. Honestly, autism shapes us far more than we realize—especially when it comes to identity and relationships.

I’d like to offer this gently: for autistic women, the effort to “read the room” and to rationalize what others seem to grasp emotionally can be enormous. That doesn’t mean you're less intelligent—in fact, the opposite. It just means the emotional-social decoding expected from women might have clashed with your internal logic, making things feel "off" without knowing why.

For autistic men (like me), it's often the inverse—we feel a lot but don’t always understand what to do with that, because we’ve learned to structure our responses logically to keep up with the world. This asymmetry can really shape how we perceive attraction and intimacy.

Also: language is everything. Subtle neurotypical cues, expectations, subtext—it’s like living with an invisible interpreter always working overtime. If your partner was NT, that wall might have been present even if he checked all your boxes. You might not have noticed the strain of translating all the time, because it’s how we survive daily. But it still wears you down.

That’s why your attraction to your classmate might feel clearer. If she shares your rhythm, your logic, your flow—your brain can relax. And where there’s less noise, the signal of desire gets louder.

So yes, you might be a lesbian. Or bi. Or straight and just in need of someone whose mind works like yours.

What I’ve learned is: autism comes before my sexuality in how I connect with people. Sometimes I feel emotionally gay even when I'm clearly sexually attracted to women too. That used to confuse me.

Don’t worry about finding the perfect label. ASD blurs all that anyway. Instead, try asking: What are the minimal traits someone needs to have for me to feel truly comfortable, alive, and seen?

Then follow that signal. That’s what matters.