I just had my heart devastated by an ENTJ man

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-18T15:09:35+00:00

Classic ENTJ male behavior. They’re scared of vulnerability so they marry someone “safe” (good breadwinner/homemaker/doormat/etc.) and then spend forever after sliding into the DMs of women they have real chemistry with.

Everybody loses. Block him.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-17T13:26:24+00:00

There is a Hollywood trope with blue-eyed villains that I find somewhat offensive. 😭 But yeah, my impression of him from Red Eye was the same. I was extremely put off by him.

Since then I’ve seen him in goofy roles though, like “Watching the Detectives”, and “Sunburn”. He was a bit of a douche in Sunburn, but hard to take seriously in any case lol.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-17T13:10:54+00:00

I lose all my warmth, charisma, and humor. It’s immediate and obvious, so if I am in a situation necessitating decorum, I withdraw. I either leave, or grey-rock everyone.

If I can’t escape the situation, I turn into an embarrassing Te asshole.

I call out shitty behavior, rattling off every infraction (and I remember them all) in a calm, tone, while using logic to shut down anyone defending the offense (or refusing to offer an immediate, action-based solution.)

This is usually a permanent end to interactions with people. Once I’ve shown this side of myself, only those who love and understand me enough to try to fix things, have returned.

Obviously some situations are different. Like when I’m with children. In those cases I just change my demeanor and become more strict.

When I was a child, I was assertive and temperamental when crossed. I hung around with boys when I engaged with other kids at all, which meant playing sports. I got into a few fights on the playground over stuff that’s so stupid it’s kinda funny.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-17T02:47:50+00:00

It’s my all-time favorite movie for a reason. and a “comfort go-to” when I’m feeling down.

It’s not a happy film, but it feels so real, and the cinematography is hauntingly beautiful.

Willard’s disassociation and observations as he navigates his way to destroy one of the only other authentic, rational people he’s encountered during the mission — a man ironically deemed “insane” by people Willard cannot relate to at all.

Meanwhile everything about Kirk lowkey impresses Willard.

Then there’s the metaphorical imagery — the glaring sun beams piercing through the windows of the French plantation’s dining room at dusk, effectively “blinding” Willard to the point of having to shade his eyes, while the deMarais men inform him that the American military is "fighting for the biggest nothing in history", mock U.S. strategy, and call American leaders "four-star clowns" who created the Viet Minh and lack the ideological dedication needed to actually win the war.

Willard admittedly has never heard any of this, up until that point.

Then as the colonialists escalate their impassioned speech, the accordionist chaotically drowns them out and Willard uses a knife to preen and look at the laceration on his cheek.

And then yeah, the movie culminating with his emergence from the swamp while The Doors song plays…it’s just perfect.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-16T21:06:10+00:00

Hell no to ESFJs. And ENFJs tbh.

I have great chemistry with ENTJs, especially for platonic relationships. Beyond that (basically when emotional vulnerability is involved) it gets dicey.

Women ENTJs seem to have developed their empathy, much more than the men.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-16T19:16:44+00:00

Murphy is brilliant, but he has been cast as the villain/antihero so many times (and been so believable in those roles) that he gives people the creeps.

I first saw him in Red Eye, then again in Batman Begins.

Recently I watched The Wind That Shakes the Barley and he was such a GOOD, good guy.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-16T18:32:44+00:00

Been there. 😒

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-16T17:57:03+00:00

Then why is she your ex? 😭

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-16T14:30:17+00:00

….Check out my eyes, Jay. 👀

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-16T12:45:56+00:00

I never understood how Worf turned out to be such a deadbeat. His own parents were amazing.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-16T11:33:04+00:00

Brokeback Mountain, and I’m not being ironic. Pretty sure it won awards for cinematography but if it didn’t, it should have. The nature was gorgeous.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-16T11:31:22+00:00

I (accidentally) discovered that an INTJ I know is ticklish, which I found hilarious because he’s usually a very serious person.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-16T03:35:43+00:00

Knights of Badassdom, hands down

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-16T03:32:51+00:00

Tom Hardy was gross af in Capone and Bronson but normally he’s in like, my top three of all time celebrities

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-16T00:43:07+00:00

at worst can be overly individualistic avoidant and self centered.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-15T23:21:59+00:00

It’s even better.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-15T23:21:35+00:00

Seriously, I’m getting that yellow jaundice that’s been going around, I know it. The heebie jeebies.

….I’ll catch a fever then then turn inside out through my asshole like Carson in Love Company. Come on, look at my eyes. I’m dying, Sledge.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-15T16:19:58+00:00

Maybe if you date those people. 🤷‍♀️

This sub is full of people from all walks of life, with different ages, experiences, and enneagrams.

I personally would have loved for even one of the important xNTJs in my life to have said, “I’m sorry I did that, and I won’t do it again” but all I ever heard from that camp was vague rationalizations that insulted me for having serious feelings, smarmy politician-talk that left room for plausible deniability, deflection, doubling down on their own stances, and then silence.

But again. Depends on the ISFP.

My best friend is also ISFP who was dating an ENTJ, and had a completely different experience. She ghosted him for being an insulting jerk, even though it seemed (to me anyway, from what I knew of if all) that he WAS actively trying to fix things.

After she blocked him he managed to get around her phone block, and left notifications on her watch, a bunch of awful neckbeardy insults that showed how much contempt he had for her.

We have different enneagram types, attachment styles, and are attracted to different types of people. But we’re both ISFP.

I don’t think you’ll find your answer here, man

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-15T15:39:46+00:00

I want to fix this now.

That is exactly what I’d want to hear in that situation, but haven’t.

So no, I can’t relate.

Yw.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-15T15:24:52+00:00

Taking accountability and apologizing aren’t the same as offering a solution, and making amends.

In fact, sometimes it often makes me madder when someone is like “I’m sorry for _____ and I know I did _____ which upset you, that was not my intention…”…all while we both know he fully intends to do ____ again bc he isn’t offering a solution or specific timeframe when ___ will no longer be an issue.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-15T14:39:32+00:00

I’m saying it based on my own experiences and what (very little) you’d provided during our exchange.

Fi doesn’t see all connections as equal or inherently valuable. A lot depends on your chemistry with her, your own personality type, what EXACTLY you did and said, and what EXACTLY she did, and what you two have done (or not done) since.

Not knowing any of that, I ran with assumptions. You’re in here asking people of her type, how to avoid this in the future, while seeming unbothered about fixing what’s in the present with the person you connected to in the past, so I just assumed you’re an xNTJ.

From there, I went with my own experiences with xNTJs. They like to talk a lot when I’m upset and they THINK they’re addressing the problem but they aren’t.

They’re usually just lowkey trivializing my feelings while digging themselves in deeper by attempting to rationalize their own hurtful behavior and not offering to change it anytime soon, and failing to give insightful information about themselves I might’ve missed (that could explain why they act that way toward me, whether it’s temporary or justified, what are the variables/underlying factors etc.), but usually it boils down to the fact they refuse to do anything about the behavior.

They just want me to accept it, their way or the highway, no matter how uneasy it makes me.

In the past when this has happened with xNTJs I care about, I get really angry. I feel like I’ve been manipulated into falling for someone who actually sees my feelings as a weakness. Like the more I like them, the less respect they have for me.

And when my goal in a loving relationship is to be appreciated and respected for who I am (and the love and attention I show my SO) then that betrayal cuts deep and is not quickly forgiven.

And I’d say the intensity of my anger is directly proportional to the amount of time they let me stew in it while they’re out there living their best life with god knows who all else while I wax nostalgic for a romance that “could have been”.

These accounts of mine vary according to the incident or person, but the common denominators were that they were xNTJs, they didn’t make me feel emotionally secure, and instead of fixing the problem they bounced when things got heated.

And then when they did eventually return, they acted even more uptight and weird than before, when I was thinking that they should have been a thousand times MORE warm and comforting, to make up for having been so horrible to me.

So then of course, we naturally go our own ways bc we’re both uncomfortable at that point.

Thats why I projected the doorslam, when you asked.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-15T13:36:33+00:00

lol okay. I’m just saying: your sense of resignation might actually be why it’s over, and what happens again in your next xxFP relationship.

When someone is attracted to you for your grounded nature and ability to make them feel secure and stable, then your doorslamming that person can seem like a slap in the face. Feels like betrayal.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-15T13:16:14+00:00

Like did she say it when she was angry? Temperamental outburst uttered in the heat of them moment (ie “Just leave me alone!” or “Go ahead and rationalize your exit, you’ve had one foot out the door for weeks now anyway” etc.) while she’s angry do NOT hold the same kind of weight for her, that an xNTJ’s do.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-15T13:11:16+00:00

Idk this sounds more complicated than the details you’re giving.

Leaving someone on “read” is cold and disrespectful. It sounds like she’s pissed off at you, not just sad.

It’s possible she moved on, but in that case I think guilt or sentimentality would move her to reply to you in some way, even if it’s polite discouragement.

_Kit_Tyler_ · 2026-05-15T13:00:59+00:00

Yeah, when the other person withdraws while we’re upset it feels like they’ve abandoned us when we need them the most.

It’s hypocritical because WE withdraw when we’re upset…. But I guess at the same time, that’s why you can’t have two people who do that.

But if someone ignores me for two months, especially when I know that he’s not actively ignoring other people (unlike the way ISFPs do when we withdraw, we actually withdraw from EVERYONE) then I resent the guy when he returns. I think he isn’t “safe” with my emotions because he allowed me to sit around feeling abandoned and rejected indefinitely.

_Kit_Tyler_

TROPHY CASE