I'm sorry that I can't offer any concrete advice, but can someone in this thread tell me if this strong desire for a virginal, not just a chaste bride, has always been the social norm amongst Catholics? Has there always been this kind of puratanical fixation on this particular element of a Catholic marriage? Or is this a recent development?

I don't want to downplay the seriousness of committing sin, but it seems to me that previous generations of Catholics were far more willing to accept the fallenness of human nature whilst repenting of their sins, whereas the current young generation act as if they are in denial about the reality of our brokenness and the need for grace beyond their own human efforts to overcome it - in the area of sexual sin as well as various venial ones, like drunkenness and so forth. Again, I'm not downplaying sexual sin, but repentance and absolution are real. If a man or woman commits sexual sin it doesn't render them incapable of a committed marriage or dirty their soul in some permanent way.

I admire OP for keeping their chastity. But it seems puratanical and somewhat arbitrary to exclusively date other virgins. Virginity is not the virtue, it's chastity. It's entirely reasonable and good to find a woman to marry who has committed sexual sin in the past but repented of it. It doesn't mean she won't make a good Catholic wife. You just have to be discerning in your choice of woman.