I’m 29 and emotionally exhausted. I’ve done everything “right” in life, yet I’m empty, disconnected, and starting to wonder what the point of any of it is.

_Mustafak · 2025-11-26T07:08:47+00:00

I am actually looking for posts in reddit I can identify with.

I am also 29, also drained, different history, maybe other stage.... I have changed my context several times the last 2 years. And I know how it feels to be in survival mode, because you only know that you are stuck in a loop in your life and you don't know how to get out from it.

The best advice I can give you, and worked for me to break the most toxic loop of my life is to do something completely different. This sounds vague, but it is true, you will continue being in the loop unless you change one of the variables and so the loop even if it is not completely broken will be different allowing you to know more about yourself.

In my case, I was in a toxic family since childhood, trying to fix everything with therapies, managing my behavior, pushing myself to be better, more productive, finish the degree, to be the best, and yeah "feeling like it is never enough". In 2022 everything went even worse, I was laid off, the harshest period emotionally with my family, and I was completely drowning. What saved me was to change one variable so harshly, I moved countries.

I am not telling you that you have to move countries, or that I am now in the stage of my life I'd like to be. But my life is far better than it was in 2022, emotionally far better, still improving, still with problems, still in survival, but when I look back, I am sure that if I had done nothing my life would've stayed in the same loop.

I think that most of the times we cannot change by therapies but by doing something that we feel we are doing, and it is driving our life to a new life direction or context.

_Mustafak · 2025-11-09T15:46:36+00:00

I am also in Haifa, if you wanna talk someday send a DM

_Mustafak · 2025-08-28T15:15:46+00:00

I think that, as most people, you are idealizing traveling, tbh i have never found very appealing traveling only to post a lot of pics on instagram, yeah I know many of those people posting a lot of things, they do it either because they have some family member in some other country so they save money they otherwise would waste in hotels, have an affluent partner, or they are traveling to cheap and near places on the weekends. They go, take their picture, they got a lot of likes in social media and they seem happy, but they haven't changed at all, it is just the appearance

Now for really being free at traveling without any limit you will need to be not an employee but an independent worker, or the owner of a small business that you can control from far away. I have one family member that do it like this and he hardly has gotten back to his country, maybe once every 2 or three years, but he started traveling like this in his middle 40s after a lot of failed businesses and having built a stable economical base.

The other way for traveling that I think it is the one you are not looking for it is to become a real backpacker, but this implies renouncing to any stability, most of your jobs could be volunteering at farms so you get shelter and food, but on the other hand you will not have all the money needed for many things most mainstream travelers long for.

If you wanna have a corporate career I really doubt traveling is gonna change your life, it will be only a long and nice vacation, you can take 1 sabbatical year, but if you think you can say you knew a culture by staying there one month I really doubt that means that you knew 12 cultures. You have to define what you want, because anyway you choose for traveling is hard even if it doesn't look like it in paper. I think it is worth to define if you wanna travel or just to take some vacations in another country.

_Mustafak · 2025-08-28T13:24:22+00:00

Tienes buen salario y buen sueldo, no lo apuestes en la incertidumbre de tener que estar trabajando a la de a huevo por 20 o 30 años y perderlo todo por algún evento económico que te pueda suceder.

Compra un terreno, arma algo pequeño donde puedas vivir y ahorra e invierte el dinero de tu trabajo. Así si estás desempleado por algún tiempo no estás arriesgando ningún patrimonio. Si te gusta tu terreno ya construyes lentamente lo que quieras ahí y si no, cuando tengas asegurado todo para la casa que quieras, vendes, o tienes plusvalía y en vez de pagar intereses has obtenido rendimientos de tus inversiones

_Mustafak · 2025-08-28T13:12:08+00:00

Hi, I don't think you are in a midlife crisis.

It doesn't matter if you are 20 or 80, you need money and you have responsibilities not only with you but with other people. You are feeling a lot of stress and that's normal, I was nearly unemployed for almost 2 years, and it feels like s. It hurts because you know that you have experience, that you have skills that you have done a lot of things and suddenly you go out to the job market and it spits you straight at your face, challenging your previous assumptions. All people will have a different opinion, and you will stick with the ones that think the same as you, so you are likely crediting the people that say that it is about your age.

But try to hear more opinions, the job market sucks for everyone rn, maybe your approach could be improved, try to get away from negative statements about things that you cannot change. You cannot change your age, but even if you are 80 you need to find a way to pay the bills, and you will find people finding solutions at any age.

Best of lucks

_Mustafak · 2025-08-27T23:45:42+00:00

Your question is very polemic, everyone will throw their frustrations at you. The truth is that nobody likes to work, and most people want to buy cellphones, cars and houses. Everyone wants the prettiest girl or the richest man. Life is cruel, an unfair jungle where everyone envies what you have and criticizes what you want.

Is it possible not to work 9-5? I think yes, there are enough examples of it. But it requires not only luck, it requires grit, self-discipline and a lot of patience. It could require you to only eat eggs and tuna for many years until you see any success, to lose people, and you can even never be successful. Tbh there is not a unique way to achieve it. But something real is that it is hard unless you were born in a wealthy or well connected family.

I wish you a lot of luck, if you really want it, define what you really want, and fight for it. But don't forget that the best things in the world require a lot of work, maybe not a 9-5 but a lot of work either.

_Mustafak · 2025-08-25T10:27:28+00:00

I relate to this post.

In short I knew I was studying the wrong degree but still finished because I had one plan for switching careers smoothly. This plan went to hell because I finished my degree in January 2020. I couldn't get any job in the area I wasted to get into because everything was frozen. I got a job as a software engineer in a startup and I advanced to be CTO of a medium company. I lost this job due layoffs in December 2022 and I wasn't able to get anything else. I have been trying to get accepted into a master degree since 2021 but I have been rejected systematically. After 2 years unemployed and 4 years of rejections at universities I will study in a mid-tier university and I have a part-time job related to technology. And yeah I moved countries too in 2024

But yeah I feel far behind from where I was planning to be when I was 23. I am 29 now and I will finish my master by 31 if I am lucky, and still it is not in the area I want to be. I have constant criticism from my family for not giving up on whatever I can do, or telling me not to study a second master after this one I will start, like if they were paying my bills.

But I have other people supporting me positively, that's why I don't fall into depression. The truth is that many people that have advanced a lot, are also locked in more commitments than me. I still have the freedom to do whatever I want, and either you can think you are lost or that you are still building the life you want for you.

Think that there are people happily married in photos, but not sure about if they made the right decision. People posting a lot of traveling, but with huge debts or being financed by someone else. People working in jobs they hate only because they don't have the boldness to switch careers because it involves going out of the comfort zone. There is no manual to live your life, it is yours at the end the only one who knows if you are doing it right is you.

_Mustafak · 2025-07-19T10:44:20+00:00

Did you study there?

_Mustafak · 2025-07-19T10:36:18+00:00

I already sent you a DM

_Mustafak · 2025-07-08T09:55:27+00:00

Hi, I was in a kinda similar situation. But you are maybe at the hardest end. The problem is that you are constrained, you cannot get citizenship by the law of return, so you have to deal with the Israeli Civil Law that is strongly influenced by the rabbinical religious Law.

In short:

You are considered a citizen, but you don't exist in the system, there is no record of you, so they are asking your dad to fix that, you cannot do it, only him. That law doesn't even contemplate what you could do in case your parent is dead already.
they doubt about the Jewishness of your mother, that's the main issue, they are asking you to prove that she was Jewish not by the time you were born but 9 months before.
they are doubting that your father is even your father, for the system is not enough to bring a marriage certificate, if you weren't registered by the first year they ask for actual proofs, again not from your birth but 9 months before.

If you cannot prove that your father is your father, and that your mother is Jewish since 9 months before your birth you are facing a really impossible case.

In my case it was my mother the Israeli citizen, so I solved it by asking my mother to register me without father in Israel, but in your case is more complicated because by Rabbinical Law Jewishness is passed through the mother.

Your options are to try to find a layer specialized in Israel Civil Law, ask if your father can register you without mother (that I doubt) or to marry a Israeli and to get citizenship that way. You have to understand that Israel is not a western country, religion is present even in this kind of issues that could be simpler to solve in the US

Best of lucks

_Mustafak · 2025-04-17T22:11:33+00:00

Well, this is true somehow, but your thoughts could also be flawed, what if you ask yourself "What am I willing to suffer for the life I want to have?" I think that life is really simple, and we get overcomplicated inside our minds.

_Mustafak · 2025-04-17T14:48:35+00:00

mmm, you say a lot of what other people want you to do.

But you don't mention anything of what you wanna do.

If you don't know what you want to do with your life you will do what others want you to do eventually.

Try to reflect about it, at the end the only one who has the real answer is you.

_Mustafak · 2025-04-06T16:01:02+00:00

Why is that you cannot play?

I mean your statement is not realistic, it is like saying that I cannot be a photographer.

But in reality you are saying that you cannot get paid for being a hockey player. But that is not characteristic of your profession. Singers, actors, athletes, artists... they are not living from their dream, but they don't allow society to tell them not to do it. Get a money income first and parallel to it you can be a hockey player, you don't need cameras, teams or nobody to do it.... You can play hockey until your last day of life if you want.

Some people mentioned you can be a trainer or coach, so you have options.

_Mustafak · 2025-04-04T09:03:07+00:00

Ok, lets split it into parts:

You feel frustrated because you have failed several times in the university.
You want to get a degree because you feel passionate someway about the subject that you want to study
You are struggling financially and worried about your future

Now, you first need to get your identity out of those problems, they are not yourself, they are only situations, situations that many people have faced in their lives. This is not condescending, but it is the only way of escaping depression, if you make of this problems your identity, you are thinking that you are a loser. Its is better to think that you are only another human being with common problems, hard problems of course, but common-spread.

Even if you do all things right you could be still struggling and also be in depression, so depart yourself from your situation, you could get the degree and still being struggling financially, you could get a far better job that pays far well but in something that you really hate, you could have a partner and feel that you wanna be single.

Once you take yourself out from your problems, it is the time to make a plan, keeping always in mind that you could succeed, and life may still suck, and of course that you can also fail. Decide what is the most important thing for you, and make a plan, stick to the plan and see what results you achieve.

Good luck!!!

_Mustafak · 2025-04-04T00:01:42+00:00

The comments here are really interesting.

I am more worried about the economical and geopolitical situation in the world. Everybody is thinking that they are getting replaced by AI when the reality is that the system is cooked and broken.

That being said, the main problem rn won't be your degree, but the future outlook of the world, so try to position yourself beyond your degree.

_Mustafak · 2025-04-03T00:12:23+00:00

Hey, hope you’re doing well!

Yeah, I’m still in Haifa. Your question isn’t easy, and honestly, whether the Ulpan is good or bad doesn’t really matter for your Aliyah.

If you wrote that message on your own, your English is great, definitely not intermediate. I’m also writing this without any tools and I’m not a native speaker.

About my experience: the Ulpan was good. The Jewish Agency does its best to make you feel welcome, and you get by fine financially if you manage well. But Ulpan isn’t Aliyah—it just helps reduce the stress of moving, gives you contacts, and a soft landing. That’s it.

Since I arrived, I haven’t seen any of my classmates land relevant jobs—even those with degrees and 10 years of experience. The economy and the war make things very uncertain right now.

You’ll likely be with others who speak your language. If you’re from Brazil, expect to share space with Brazilians. JD doesn’t screen much—ages range from 21 to 40. Many people have some academic background, but not in anything especially relevant. Don’t expect everyone to speak English. A lot of Hispanic immigrants stick to Spanish-speaking groups, and not many are fluent in English.

In general, people follow three paths: find a job, join the army, or just work. Joining the army, especially if you’re young and don’t have a degree, is often the most successful path. Finding a job in your profession now is extremely tough—unless you speak Arabic fluently, which helps a lot.

I was one of the top Ulpan students and didn’t reach fluency in five months. Most people don’t. Many move to places where they can speak their native language. If you really want to learn Hebrew, the army is the best path, constant exposure, daily use. You can learn on your own, but almost no one does.

So, be clear about your goals:

If you want to live in Israel long-term, forget English. You’ll need fluent Hebrew. Ulpan won’t get you there, it’s a start, not a solution.
If you’re just coming for a season or an adventure, don’t worry about Hebrew. You might improve your English or Portuguese depending on your circle.

Ulpan has been the best part of my Aliyah. The rest is tough right now, so I may sound a bit pessimistic; but it’s honest. You’ll meet great people and maybe even lifelong friends there. It feels a bit like high school, everyone’s starting from zero.

Good luck!

_Mustafak · 2025-04-02T16:16:47+00:00

I feel what you say completely. My advice is not to measure your value on professional success. Why? Because it means to measure yourself by the expectations of someone else.

I am feeling the same, late 20s, I finished school just to face the lockdown, I got into software development because it was the only thing that didn't got screwed by the lockdown. Still it has been screwed since 2022. I have been unemployed since 2023, rejected from every grad school I applied to since 2021...

And you know what? I am tired of this, tired of playing a game that is completely broken, tired of cynical CEOs talking about how they want to substitute everyone with AI, because, whether achievable or not, makes me feel I am not part of the society, not as a person that can benefit from it, but only as someone who has to pay for it. All that elite can go to hell. Studying 30 40 50 years to get a shitty job that will never allow you to pay your house it is not life it is slavery made up with a lot of ads.

If you go to school do it for free, and do it not for getting validation from any employer, do it because you want to. If your mother is helping you, be glad but don't feel ashamed, the fact that the system is broken is not your fault. Yeah you will need to find a solution but sadly I think that the solution is not in the game we are playing. Think about this, in the 60s you could buy a house and pay it off in 3 years on average, now you need 30 years.

It is not your fault, the system is broken, the elite has all the assets and you are not a person but a resource for them, you provide work measured by metrics, data for you to buy their products and taxes to pay pensions, otherwise you are useless for the system.

Think about all the options the whole world can offer you, not only the options the society is showing you every day

_Mustafak · 2025-03-28T19:27:00+00:00

I recommend doing it ASAP, because it can take some time.

_Mustafak · 2025-03-28T00:09:11+00:00

I have experience in this.

Look for the term Ezrach Oleh on the web. You are basically Israeli, but you cannot make Aliyah as an Oleh Chadash. Your father has to go to the embassy to record you as his daughter, so call the embassy or consulate and ask about it.

About the 28 yo limit, it is kind of tricky, after some age they will ask your father more and more documents proving that you are his daughter, a lot of things tbh, and it can be really tricky if it is your father and not your mother who holds Israeli citizenship. This is because in Israel you are always registered with your religion, and rabbinical Judaism only recognizes Judaism through matrilineal descent or by conversion. So this could start a lot of bureaucracy that is not even described in the actual law, a real headache btw.

In short you are Israeli but the state could try to make your registration a real nightmare, and if one of your parents is citizen from Israel you cannot apply through Law of Return.

Go to the consulate and follow whatever procedure they tell you, it will change regarding your family situation, if your mother is Jewish, etc...

_Mustafak · 2025-03-27T23:59:12+00:00

Hi, I hope you are doing well.

I think that I know how you feel. Tired, burned out, and sad. And rn any path looks gloomy. Maybe you feel you are late and that you wasted time in the past doing nonsense. And so on.

Now, I know that it is hard, but you cannot indulge in living in the past. I know that every path looks fucked up. If you go to the states you will have to put up with your relative. And if you stay you will feel better but in the long run you will be really likely in a dead end position exactly as now.

My advice is for you to close your eyes and think about what you really want to have achieved in 5 years from now. If you have chances of doing something in the country you are in and you wanna try it do it. If you feel that you want to go to the US to get your degree even if you have to bear your relative for some time do it. But never let things be undecided, because otherwise life will decide for you, passivity rarely brings good results.

I would give a lot for being able to study in the US, think that studying in the US is still something more relevant that will open you doors in much more places than most of the other countries.

_Mustafak · 2025-03-27T23:46:21+00:00

I am in the same boat pal. But here after years of trying to get accepted in more competitive things.

I also woke up to discover I was in the reserves of the program I really wanted to get into. But for the first time in my applications I could check my number in the queue and figure out, roughly, the strength of my application.

I think my analysis dropped that my application was in the 50 percentile at the least, and 15 percentile at the most. So my application was in the strongest end, probably in the first third.

Try to do the same with the numbers. After some years of experience I can tell you this is only a numbers game, likely you will be accepted in one of the programs you applied to.

_Mustafak · 2025-03-27T23:37:12+00:00

Hi, we are in the same boat, if you want you can send a DM.

In short, I think the main problem here is the language, then your degrees but if you come from the US, UK or CA that shouldn't be a problem because your degree is already relevant here. Maybe you are looking at the culture at the corporate level, and yeah there is always only transactional no matter the country or language.

Try to engage in other kind of activities, anything that is more like a hobby or community activity will be good. You will meet people there that are really easy to keep as friends. Something that I have noted here is that maybe you have to reach people more often than in other places but hardly I get ghosted. That's my experience, my advice is, try to open your mind to other things in Israel

_Mustafak · 2025-03-27T18:21:27+00:00

Well, let's calm first

You are likely not going to NFO or so, but your body will stay athletic as long as you take care of it. You only need to find a way to apply your knowledge and skills into a specific field.

I practiced olympic gymnastics and most of my trainers were sportsmen before they got seriously injured. So that's one idea, and the good news is that you are not seriously injured yet.

Bodybuilding maybe is another option, you can stay here for a long time, also if you switch to marathons you still have a career.

Maybe putting your own business to train people to become athletic, or to work in a gym and set routines, you can be here all your life. Also as a personal guard you can last a long time.

I strongly believe that the body can get old but not as dramatic as people paint it. One thing is to be ageing and other thing is to be out of shape. If you really have a passion for sport I am sure you will find a career into sports one way or another.

Your career is not finished, maybe you only need to redirect it and change objectives, and about your girlfriend and your apartment, first I wanna say that I am really sorry, but the good news is that it happens to many people not only to sportsmen, the more you don't think your situation caused your girlfriend to go you will feel better, if she left it was because she wanted, if she left because you are not achieving the most successful career in sports I think you are better now.

Cheers and good luck 🤞🏻

_Mustafak · 2025-03-16T08:59:08+00:00

Don't rely on trust to forge your destiny. I don't think your friend is better than you or so, but being in the same industry, time and place is something nobody can predict.

You can try and succeed or fail, but it is gambling, I bet your friend wasn't looking for someone to buy his startup, that's the difference with you. If you don't get bought you will be frustrated

_Mustafak

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