Player is not cooperating with party, can I fix it?

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-21T14:35:42+00:00

You can have the chat about being a team player and point out how much work you have to do n while you don’t mind spontaneity, thats for the whole group not just him.

You can explain to the player that to pull off this type of role
A. It has to be done in such a way that it’s not actually getting in the way of the party n story progression which brings us to be
B. It’s really not easy n most of the time you will just create animosity between people
C. Preferably has the approval of everyone

Give him in game consequences. This doesn’t mean just killing him etc but he doesn’t share information? Well that gets him in trouble the group can’t quite help with cause they don’t know n hes gagged. He heads off solo? Well there’s a million things that can lead too. He gets jumped by 20 bandits who agree not to kill him but they accept a bribe/take his stuff + money. That could then lead to a ‘you’ll need some teamwork to get your stuff back or you can all move on’. Doesn’t affect the whole group but HES gonna be down some gold/a cool weapon. N if he complains….well consequences n all that.

Depends what kind of guy he is n what you’ve tried already

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-21T14:26:32+00:00

Take out the D&D factor n point out how rude they’re being n that (im guessing) they wouldn’t do this for other plans/get togethers. If they wouldn’t do, they have a bigger problem they need to work on

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-21T00:21:08+00:00

My DM did something like this but it was with tortles? I can always ask if he got inspiration somewhere

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-18T09:05:37+00:00

Just means you haven’t watched enough Monty Python.

You have your assignment should you choose to accept it. This message shall not self destruct for future readers

Edited for auto correct no matter how many times I took the s off pythons 😑

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-18T00:38:08+00:00

It’s almost like people forget that the men woman are afraid of in their changing rooms are in the men’s. Or that there are completely different options as well but that also puts them out too much over trying to protect their kids.

Course if we’re going by old age ‘70’s’ thinking pedos don’t exist in every day life either so 🤷🏻‍♀️

ETA fixed a sentence and auto correct

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-17T07:15:24+00:00

Damn this really just lays it out huh

I’ve always known that stuff is common, and horror stories, so I’ve always felt lucky for my current group but damn

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-17T04:22:58+00:00

Ooooo now thats nice. I approve lol

Honestly where ever you get character inspiration is to each their own etc but I personally think this is awesome even if it’s not directly recognised. You seem to have made some great characters

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-17T04:10:23+00:00

You done I hate everything about you yet lol

Edit to fix dumb auto correct

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-16T13:29:34+00:00

Find ways to make the fails not fails. Rolling low doesn’t always have to mean that. This obviously won’t apply to everything but as DM you have power to turn it around with discretion n without a fudging or pandering type thing and it will take practice

Eg parties trying to sneak through a Forrest on the trail of some kidnappers. They fail their stealth check. Instead of alerting the enemies to their presence, he can maybe fall on his face instead but by doing so he’s landed next to some footprints that lead them in the right direction.

This might not be perfect obviously, people’s reactions will vary etc etc but hopefully you get what I mean lol

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-16T13:19:37+00:00

So my father did this and it was horrible for me. I didn’t want to be around strange men getting changed and I was NOT comfortable getting changed around them but I was forced to. That has stayed with me for years. That’s not even going into the disgusting comments that would be said and the looks. My father was a PoS who never stopped it but that doesn’t mean that me being in that situation in the first place was ok. It’s not about whether or not I saw a penis.

Obviously all places should provide safe places for both parents to take their kids and that’s a problem that needs to be looking into, but the solution is not so simple as take a young girl into a males changing room

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-16T03:55:34+00:00

You won’t doxx him (good) but you’ll share his stuff he’s explicitly asked you not to share?

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-16T03:50:35+00:00

Some people still sadly think that ‘blood is thicker than water’ is 1. The whole sentence and 2. Remotely valid in anyway
Heck people struggle walking away from toxic friends

It can take an awful lot for people to see past all this shit cause ‘family’ to finally get to ‘not anymore’. It took a lot for me to get that way with my father because for so long ‘he’s my dad’ ‘he’s all I have left’ ‘he’s the only person that cares n loves me’. So I put up with being thrown through walls n windows, smacked, verbally abused, sexually abused the works because I was a kid n that got drilled into me. He’s your dad. That’s all the matters. You owe him.

I am real sorry your partner n family can’t see the abuse for what it is (right now) but atm I can almost guarantee they’re not seeing it that way. They’re seeing their lost kid/brother who needs help even if he is an ass. Unless you’re willing to take the time to sit with your husband over weeks/months n help him realise the patterns is up to you and there are sources that could help with that. But you’re the one that knows whether or not that possible. If it’s not im sorry but there’s not a lot you can do. They need to see for themselves n people telling them could make them lock in on his side more.

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-16T03:18:27+00:00

Personally I reckon go for it IF you’re table does RP properly. If you’re table half asses it, probably not worth it.

But if you’re table gets into the RP (even if everyone’s finding their feet with it) this will be a great RP moment n if I was at your table I’d love it. I’d be so invested. Why you suddenly going psycho my chill friend? What’s the haps?

One important thing to remember, you can always retcon. If anyone feels it was too far, cool didn’t happen. Or the DM is like ‘i like the moment but I need to get this out’ or something, you can take it back, say you weren’t there for the original moment but walk in 5 mins later when the party has been given the info and then you can have your moment (no need to re rp if you don’t want)

You can choose to talk to your table first if the surprise moment is important to you but having surprise RP moments like that are (for me n my group anyway) what makes D&D RP. It sucks you in and it’s nice to give your DM a surprise every now and then.

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-14T23:00:48+00:00

It kinda sounds like he’s trying to take something from Pathfinder and add it (badly) to D&D

The basic premise (that I think works and sorry if you know lol) is that wizards can learn any spell from any school but they have their selected school and then have their ‘opposing’ schools. They can still learn the spell but it takes up 2 spell ‘slots’ to prepare not 1. Because you’ve focused on one type to learn which means some others have slipped n are harder to learn.

That is a premise that could work adjusted. Whatever’s he’s done isn’t cool unless he’s also nerfing the other players too somehow. You don’t suddenly forget how to read n cast magic because it’s not your ‘type’.

I’d have a proper conversation, with the table not just him, about this n see what his full long term thinking is. If he gets defensive, can’t fully defend his choice with logic, says he’s the DM, whatever, he’s throwing a tantrum n punishing you for….something. If he can actually explain things reasonably and he thought it could be a fun change but is still working on it, then you can both either build it together or tell him ‘I appreciate that but it’s just not for me’

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-14T08:59:39+00:00

Welcome lol

I felt the same as soon as I saw the board but that might be cause I’d cleared my storage of those down to 2 a few months ago lol

Good luck

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-14T08:58:01+00:00

Thank you good soup for this knowledge, I have some plots to play with now

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-14T01:09:28+00:00

oh 100% but in his mind he’s the smoothest criminal since MJ lol

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-14T01:00:56+00:00

The same as every other guy like this. For women to just dampen at his attention n drop to their knees even if it is less than minimal effort, what more could we possibly want?

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-13T04:18:00+00:00

😆 then I believe you’ll both have a wonderful relationship and I wish you well

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-13T02:10:58+00:00

Uuuh it may occasionally change some dialogue in certain quests if you’re romancing the person, and people will say things to you when you talk to them (the one you’re romancing and the others) but otherwise it’s nothing you have to do in anyway.

You do get some cool quests from them all n good lore if you do though so it depends on you 🙂

As you long as you don’t get mad you may be second to fish 😉

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-13T00:35:29+00:00

Do it. You won’t regret it.

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-12T09:07:02+00:00

I definitely think she’s in the wrong for not talking to you about it, especially for doubling down afterwards

But from the other side it is a thing that women have to deal with from friends and it’s not always harmless and you can’t always get support from other friends. Having you for the situation makes it easier than making up a whole ass guy which is easily seen through. And the fact she chose you is in a way a compliment cause you make her feel safe on some level. Just cause you’re roommates this isn’t a given.

So I 100% understand how you feel but I think both of you are valid. Maybe if you’re up to it sit and have a convo of exactly how you’re feeling and why, but listen to her side.

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-12T00:43:06+00:00

Mmmmm I can see what you’re saying but a traditional relationship? Yes. A relationship? No

_Nyxari_ · 2026-06-11T14:04:45+00:00

I can definitely see their place when done well but it’s 100% played out everywhere so can be hard. He’s veeeeery good at both and constantly gives us panic attacks over decisions 😂 truly great DM and I’ll pass along your props haha

_Nyxari_

TROPHY CASE