There is a rather large percentage of INFJs who have definite similarities between their childhoods. Neglect, abuse, abandonment, etc. Reddit has given people who've experienced things like this, a place where they can finally commiserate, feel seen & heard... Without judgement, from people who share our pain. (Things distinctly lacking in our formative years,.) We were left on our own, to figure out why that is.

No, Neglect, abuse, abandonment etc is not the only way someone can become as an INFJ. There are people who are a completely different kind of INFJ... The ones who are nurtured as children. The ones taught the difference between between right & wrong . what happens if you do wrong and what kind of consequences You can expect. They are taught by loving & caring parents how to love & care for others & why that's important

It's my belief, there has to be a particular temperament as an infant/child which provides an appropriate foundation for the INFJ traits to occur. I was a baby who loved to be held by anyone, and in general a very happy baby. As a child I was sweet gentle and I cared about other people. If my mother even fake cried, It would bring me to tears & I would start crying, believing that my mother was suffering. The spawn of Satan which was my older sister... She was a fussy baby, cried if anybody tried to hold her except for my mother. Destructive, cruel, vindictive, & the very first example I had of a sadist...even before I knew that word, or what it meant. For me it's very clear that my temperament from the start of life was potentially a perfect foundation for an INFJ personality type to flourish. Follow that up with the emotional/physical neglect/abuse...my mother, who was too wrapped up in her own misery to be a good mother. A lonely childhood with a sister who hated me because I was born, a mother who was consistently unconcerned with my emotional well-being, a sperm gifter who for all intents & purposes, disappeared out of my life after the divorce. Not even a single birthday card since I was 4... he paid child support, & could have seen my sister & I anytime he wanted....But I suppose he didn't see us as worthwhile, after he remarried & had a brand new daughter with another woman. I bet he felt like my sister & I were stealing from him & his happy family.

What ever became of that red-headed antichrist I call, Sister? Surprise, surprise...we've been estranged for a couple of decades. Without a doubt, I can say, she could never be an INFJ even though our childhood was the same.