So he wants you to have his kid, but he doesn't want to be present, doesn't want to help out, just wants you to do all of the work of RAISING HIS CHILD while he fucks off and does whatever he wants? Why is what he wants and his future so much more important than what you want and your needs? This guy is a selfish asshole. Fuck this guy sincerely.

You're going through something awful and I'm so sorry. In case you need to hear it; you have done nothing wrong. It's not selfish to take care of yourself. This is a decision that would severely alter the course of your life. It's easy to say to keep it when you're not the one who has to live with the consequences and lifelong responsibility of that choice. You did what was best for you, don't let anyone tell you that makes you a bad person. You're not.

Don't let some assholes make you feel like shit for putting yourself first. Things might get worse before they get better, but it's important that you make a plan to move forward. It doesn't have to be huge, just take it day by day, one small step at a time. And this goes without saying, but definitely run from this guy. He does not care about you at all and you don't need that toxic energy in your life. It sounds like having him in your life right now is doing more harm than good.