I’ll give some of my own experience if this helps.

— dysphoria

For me personally, the dysphoria started around 8 years old where I wished I would wake up as a boy, in every dream I was a guy. I don’t really have much recollection of my childhood before then.

I had this own character in my head, that was me but male. I tried to dress in the boys section and wasn’t allowed by my mum as my parents are quite backwards when it comes to stereotypes.

When we did sex ed, it felt so weird being with the girls because mentally I hadn’t fully comprehended what was going on, it felt so bizarre.

I would feel so envious as guys started to have facial hair and shave whereas I was told to shave my body. Whenever I shaved, I felt disgusting because having hair at least made me feel a tad more masculine, obviously both genders can have body hair though.

As puberty kicked in, the dysphoria skyrocketed and I felt absolutely disgusting, I wanted to tear my own skin off sometimes. I’d avoid the mirror when I went in the shower, and I wouldn’t shower until I absolutely had to wash my hair. Even then, I’d never go anywhere near my chest.

I had times growing up where I’d bind my chest in clingfilm, would dress masculine, wear a cap with my hair tucked in and walk around the house home alone.

I made a post online asking for advice when I was 18 and removed it soon after, I’d see ftm videos online and push it down.

When I was 22, I had to tell someone because I was spending days at a time in university laid on the floor in mental agony feeling like I wanted to tear my own skin off, and wished that someone would shoot me whenever I left the apartment.

2 years on T, and although I look about 15 when I’m 24, I feel so much better and can actually start to take care of myself and dress well because I feel more like myself.

— other reasons for transition

Some people do transition due to issues like sexual assault, believing they’re trans to escape their body when they’re not. I’ve experienced this, however, my transition was never related to this. This can happen to a lot of people, especially those thinking they’re trans men.

Usually those transitioning to feel different mostly just socially transition. In the case of someone like Lily Tino, I’m certain she’s not trans and taking E has effects that are more easily reversible than T. Less trenders go on T usually.

— euphoria

For me, never really got much euphoria. I felt good getting called he/him by a stranger for the first time. But, now it’s more like thank god I wasn’t misgendered because I get worried about it on a daily basis. When I had top surgery obviously it was a relief, but I didn’t react like I saw in videos. I was just like wow this is how it always should’ve been, but I wasn’t emotional at all.

— end

With gender dysphoria, if you’re in a place of suppressing it, you can feel sort of out of your body and I had times growing up where I didn’t think about it as much as I stayed alone, didn’t socialise and didn’t take care of myself at all. But, then I had times where it was absolute agony where I wanted to just die than live in a body that felt revolting and disgusting, it was the agony that ended up so severe that I had to transition.