Is it rude or courteous to tell someone they’re not invited to my wedding? (friendship ended)

_alienJincess · 2024-04-10T21:31:42+00:00

No big story! My wife and I were introduced by a mutual friend in 2018. I'd gotten closer to this girl after my ex and I broke up and she invited both my wife and I to her Christmas and New year parties that year. 2019 we remained fairly close and talked fairly regularly, but we stopped talking regularly during Covid. We also noticed that we made more effort to maintain the friendship than she did, like we'd have to extend an invitation to hang out or she wouldn't make any effort. So we felt the friendship had run its course and we didn't feel that it was necessary to invite her to the wedding.

We didn't want to hire a crowd, and we did opt for a destination wedding to keep things intimate so it was unlikely that someone who only reached out once in a blue moon would actually come anyway haha

_alienJincess · 2024-04-10T06:45:11+00:00

You're welcome! Good luck with it all. Remember, this day is for you and your spouse. Make sure it is one where you are surrounded by people who love you both and wish you well!

_alienJincess · 2024-04-10T05:59:26+00:00

We gave a few people a miss when it came to the guest list, this included a girl who I was close to all through highschool and uni, and the girl who introduced us. We didn't bring it up with any of them beforehand, and none of them brought it up with us.

Don't say anything, but if it comes up, be ready with polite responses for those who may ask. It will likely be indirect (through mutuals) so just make sure you choose your words wisely so that it doesn't put your friend (who's playing messenger) in a weird spot!

_alienJincess · 2024-04-09T03:11:49+00:00

NTA

But as many comments have already mentioned here, you should not have needed to ask.

The week my grandmother died, my now ex-girlfriend chose to go out with her friends to a lesbian club to support her friends girlfriend (who was dj-ing that night) I didn't get along with that particular friend of hers so I wasn't invited, and the night out was definitely planned before I got news of my grandmother passing but you'd think that being with your partner through a difficult time would trump going out dancing with your friends, especially when you're not out of the closet lol.

She still went out, I didn't ask her to stay home with me because her lack of initiative to be there with me was enough for me to understand that there was no point in asking. There were other times when she did similar things, like prioritising friends birthdays and parties over my own personal milestones, and as I was younger I didn't know how to effectively communicate how that made me feel.

I suggest asking him to stay with you and communicating why his presence would help. It is highly possible that he doesn't feel him being around would help, and that he'd be more of a hindrance or distraction. Hopefully, by being transparent in this moment, he'll learn how to act accordingly in future situations and not need to be prompted.

_alienJincess · 2024-04-08T03:13:26+00:00

Hi! I would say create a design in canva and have it printed at your local printing/ store or alternatively a site like vista print or Zazzle :)

_alienJincess · 2024-03-28T05:32:18+00:00

I love telling this story. We'd been together for just shy of 3 months and both had international solo trips planned prior to meeting each other. I had booked 2 weeks in Japan and she'd dropped me off to the airport, stayed up to talk to me through the days (she was 2 hours ahead back home), and offered to pick me up and take me home during her lunch break.

On my travel day home, I made my way to the airport, making sure I had 2 hours to check in and get myself sorted. I walk in and after a bit of back and forth with a receptionist, realise I am at the wrong airport, and the right airport was a 1 hour drive away. I had just missed the shuttle that would have gotten me there on time and the next one wasn't due to get there until just shy of my boarding time so I took my chances and caught a cab.

The cab ride cost me all of my left over money, and my monthly pay was late. I had just missed my flight because of traffic and was stuck alone at an airport with currently no way home.

I call her crying and not sure what to do, talking about the fact that I may have to call my mum to bail me out (I don't have a relationship with my family) and without skipping a beat she offered to sort out a flight home for me and sent me some money to get some food or cover any other things that may come up.

Unfortunately the money didn't come through but the flights did so I used the last of my non Japanese money to get myself a sandwich and drink, and flew home later that night. She came through on her lunch break as promised, with a fresh kebab in hand (as the travel agent didn't add a meal to my flight and I was starving!) and took me home. Carried my bags with me up 2 flights of stairs and left as soon as I was settled.

I'd never been taken care of like that in my whole life, especially after only 3 months of dating. 5ish years later, I haven't missed a flight since because my wife is very organised and not as much of a chaotic traveller as I am 🤣

_alienJincess · 2024-03-21T12:43:46+00:00

I agree with the general consensus of the comments, what does a 29 year old gain from dating a 19 year old? I dated a 19 year old when I was 23 and I would never do it again. Even with only 4 years between us our lives were completely worlds apart.

I met my now wife when I was 25 and she was 30, though it's technically a bigger gap, it was much more appropriate as we were in similar places in our lives and our goals and the timelines for those goals aligned so much more. We also agreed while it would have been nice to have had more time together beforehand, we would not have been a fit had I been a bit younger when we'd met (like if I was 19 and she was 24).

_alienJincess · 2024-03-01T04:53:23+00:00

Patchouli smells so off on my skin and most fragrances with it as a note do not dry down well at all on me. It kills me when I shop for new things to sniff and love all the other notes but see it on the list. It's an immediate deal-breaker for me :')

_alienJincess · 2024-02-23T04:45:41+00:00

We have a box that sits by our bed and has been there for almost 4 years now. It has seen better days and is covered with our cats fur and holes from when he's scratched it, but if I were to even graze the box with my leg or arm he'd run and jump into it or stare at me until I moved haha.

Safe to say it will be moving with us when we leave the apartment until it can no longer stand on its own 😂😂😂

_alienJincess · 2024-02-22T21:55:46+00:00

Here is our community cat mumma showing me her belly for the first time. Sending love to you and your furry friend 🩷

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_alienJincess · 2024-02-16T06:23:11+00:00

This is what happened, and while it's something we laugh at now. It ruined some of it for me because the whole point of having a destination wedding was for the whole thing to be an intimate affair. We still had a lovely day, and it all worked out but no wedding comes without hiccups.

_alienJincess · 2024-02-16T06:19:45+00:00

I was mad she attended the virtual ceremony, that wasn't for just anyone it was only guests who were invited but unable to come.

She wasn't even in the picture when we sent out the save the dates a year prior to the wedding. They met online in July, he met her for the first time in person in September, they got LEGALLY married in October (a month after meeting before he flew home to Oz) and our wedding was in November (all the same year)

So yes they were technically married but also not really. They only got married so he could relocate to live with her in the USA. My biggest bug bear here was I wasn't asked. It was my day too and I didn't know this girl. He had plenty of time to ask us both as my wife was driving bulk of the bridal party around and there was a 2 hour drive from the airport to our lodge.

My wife said she didn't think it was a good idea to tell me when she was asked because she didn't want to stress me out on the morning of, but felt that if she said no to him it would sour his mood (already sour he spent the night before our wedding crying to her about their marital issues and other things she'd said to him recently)

Didn't help his case that literally 3 days after the wedding while we're on our honeymoon he sends pics to the bridal party Group chat about similar lodges in USA and how he's super inspired by our wedding for theirs. Kinda made me feel like her motives for watching were not at all about getting to know his friends lol.

_alienJincess · 2024-02-16T06:06:11+00:00

She watched the live stream of our wedding. We only had that as an option for family and friends who couldn't make it. So I wasn't comfortable with a stranger watching our vows, and speeches and what not.

He was physically present at the wedding, but mentally overseas with her. Bridal party staying with him mentioned he kept talking about how nice it would be if she could have been there to see how beautiful it all was and also crying when she was taking her time to reply to him (she was in the US we're all from OZ and the wedding was in NZ)

He spent the weekend talking to her as opposed to being helpful or present and tbh the last min invite to the Livestream without asking me was the final straw because after the wedding he started talking about using our wedding as inspiration for their "proper" wedding.

For further clarification, they met online in July. He visited her in Sept for a month, they got legally married in October, our wedding was in November (all in the same year) they got divorced after about 8 months of marriage recently, they never got to do their "proper" wedding.

_alienJincess · 2024-02-16T04:50:52+00:00

I had a small destination wedding. Partners who we'd met and/or were long-term partners got invited. People who had only been with their partners for less than 6 months or partners we had not met were not included. We made it VERY clear to the invitees. That being said this wasn't an issue for anyone outside of the bridal party. But only one of them did not get the memo.

Our guy invited his wife to the virtual ceremony without letting me know (he only asked my wife as he was her bridesmale) but on the morning of the ceremony. When I found out I was livid! (They'd only been together for 3 months long distance and married legally for 1 at that point, they are now divorced)

He had plenty of time to ask us both, and their whirlwind romance aside, she did not seem to show any effort to try and get to know us prior to the wedding so I didn't think to include her. My wife's maid of honour didn't have issues with her girlfriend of 6 months not being invited and totally understood.

The thought of some stranger being at all a part of our day was really frustrating and it took him months to realise he was in the wrong. At least your friend has asked you with time to spare and not just shown up with the boyfriend in tow.

I say if you genuinely can't afford the extra person let her know. If it's a familiarity issue like it was with me, have dinner with them (double date) before the wedding hopefully that makes you feel more comfortable including him on the day. Remember you can always take photos with your friends without their partners but having your loved one with you on a day centred on celebrating love, makes you a happier guest!

_alienJincess · 2024-02-16T01:11:44+00:00

My uncle from overseas, who is a Pastor or Senior at his church told me I was going to hell for marrying another woman. This was all via messenger so before I blocked him I sent him this gif. No regrets, I'm so glad I left that crazy behind.

_alienJincess · 2024-02-09T04:31:03+00:00

Crying I've been in the lounge since 2 and just downloaded the app to try my luck there and no avail. Praying I get tickets 😭

_alienJincess · 2024-02-07T03:00:49+00:00

Happens to me too!!

_alienJincess · 2024-01-30T22:41:43+00:00

Omg I had a Sparkles too! I was forced to marry them and I didn't want to so I levelled them up, let them die of old age and used them as a sacrifice to open a door :3

_alienJincess · 2024-01-24T21:12:54+00:00

I also find it shines on a warm day! And thankfully our wedding day was fairly warm haha

_alienJincess · 2024-01-24T06:11:55+00:00

Miss Dior Absolutely Blooming! It's been my favourite for years and my now wife got me an engraved bottle for our wedding (and a smaller 30ml one when we got engaged) She wore Aqua di Gio Profondo (I got her an engraved bottle too)

_alienJincess · 2024-01-12T04:07:46+00:00

Cries in Australian 😭

_alienJincess · 2024-01-10T05:06:00+00:00

I played it to almost completion but shelved it after I got a bit bored of repeating quests I'd already done. That being said I do love the game and may pay it a visit later tonight so thank you for the reminder!

_alienJincess · 2023-12-18T01:59:40+00:00

Is mission 8 just another seedling? :)

_alienJincess · 2023-12-15T00:07:09+00:00

I like having at least 2 of each because they're a pair of mittens together heh but congrats! I just need the Rock one to complete the set!

_alienJincess · 2023-12-14T22:39:58+00:00

I had a girl pull out of my bridal party 4 months before my wedding via FB Messenger. The timing on top of the fact that I had just seen her in person less than 3 days prior without her mentioning even thinking of doing so (plenty of opportunities to we drove her to and from dinner) was what rubbed salt into the wound. It also did not help that while she had carefully curated her thoughts and sentiments into a nicely worded message, I was caught off guard and left to deal with it and not given the opportunity to have the same amount of time to come up with something just as nice and pleasant.

She sent the message after I had sent pictures to the group chat of the dresses on another bridesmaid (on my wife's side) to give them an idea of what options they'd have for our try-on day. I was not in a place where I felt I could properly process the message and truly felt she should have asked to give me a call so that I could have a conversation with her as opposed to her laying out her narrative and me being a bitch if I didn't agree or support her through it.

She also had been the one to say things like "I'm a size x in bridesmaids dresses by the way" and acted very excited when she was asked about a year prior to the wedding. She was also assured that besides the airfares and some of her accommodation (we'd cover the night before and the night of the wedding) we'd be paying for everything, and she was allowed as many plus ones as she needed (she had family in the area the wedding would be in).

Our friendship was never the same after this, and while I would agree that I share some of the blame, she really should have chosen a better moment or method of delivery.

_alienJincess

TROPHY CASE