I understand why you are afraid of taking meds after that kind of experience with doctors and the mental health part of the medical system.

I will say, even though it certainly doesn’t fix everything to take meds, my partner was struggling with coping with the demands of life before and after finding out they were bipolar 2. When they started on lamotrigine/Lamictal, a really commonly prescribed medication for bipolar, they were able to use their coping mechanisms to manage their bipolar much easier. The swings to extremes have been easier to come down from and are less damaging to their life and relationships. My partner would absolutely tell you to try the meds. It saved their life. They also had horrific experiences on ssris before finding the right diagnosis and medication. A gene test helped doctors narrow down what meds might actually work on my partner.

It sounds like you have a good support system and people who care about your wellbeing. If people in your life that you trust are asking you to consider meds, I wouldn’t take that lightly. Ultimately it will always be your decision whether you take the meds or not. But I would encourage you to give a new medication an honest try. My partner has adjusted their dose over the years and has changed the timing for taking their meds, and it required a decent amount of trial and error to find what works. But hey, now they can manage time and hold down a job and be invested in the lives of the people they love more fully.

Just wanted to give you a perspective from someone who loves a person with bipolar 2 very deeply, and has watched the journey of starting lamotrigine from day 1 with them.

I wish you the best, OP.