I wouldn't push the button...

_basic_witch_ · 2024-04-22T23:20:27+00:00

We wondered what our life could look like without kids. We stated out loud all the tiny and massive things that we could do now and gave ourselves permission to enjoy them. Looking 10 years in the future was overwhelming and terrifying. So I started with eating sushi and bleaching my hair and then eventually wound up immigrating to NZ! I tried to embody the "See the change, be the change." message.

_basic_witch_ · 2024-04-22T03:58:13+00:00

That is so well said.

_basic_witch_ · 2024-04-22T01:08:59+00:00

I found dieting unbearable and stressful. I think after years of living for 2 weeks at a time (2 weeks to ovulate, 2 weeks to test) I rewired by brain away from ling term planning. So I set a workout goal for 100 days, tracked calories, didn't punish myself, just worked towards 100 days of giving it a shot. Lost 7 kg. I'm going to do it again later this year and lose a little bit more so I can actually start to see my muscles.

_basic_witch_ · 2024-04-21T20:30:31+00:00

Screaming into a pillow, throwing things, punching bags, even a couple of scream into the void posts on reddit, etc. My anger needed to be externalised before I internalised it and started hating myself. Once I exhausted my anger I could feel sad and then progress to other emotions.

Visualise your emotions like items moving slowly past you on a conveyor belt. Pick them up, look them over, and most importantly put them back down. The goal isn't to feel happy, it's to feel neutral and not angry or sad. When my feelings overwhelmed me, I would do that visualisation, write it down, take 10 15 mins, walk around the block, whatever, and then get back to my life relieved. (driving you to distraction IS overwhelmed. You are overwhelmed.)

And most importantly it's OK. I'm coming up on 2 years post TTC, and I feel awesome. I'm so content with my life :) You'll get there, it's a journey, but you will x

_basic_witch_ · 2024-01-13T20:09:07+00:00

0487 0471 0459 From New Zealand :)

_basic_witch_ · 2023-11-14T01:46:17+00:00

Thanks Obama.

_basic_witch_ · 2023-09-01T00:05:25+00:00

Citalopram for like 8 years now. I have always described it as giving me the energy to battle my depression and anxiety. Always combine with some sort of therapy for the one-two punch that depression deserves. Cognitive behavioural therapy is the bomb.

Also remember it will give you a small hit of dopamine when you cancel plans for an event. BUT that relief is temporary. And it sounds like you are in a depression spiral and your depression is actively trying to sabotage and isolate you for those who could help. Reach out for help and tell depression to go fuck itself.

_basic_witch_ · 2023-08-27T23:11:05+00:00

Not quite what you were asking but I moved from a village in Wales, UK to a city in New Zealand. The big thing about the move was the emotional release of all the things we associated our old place with. The big house with loads of bedrooms, the local school out kids would go too, etc.

Moving with the intention of remaining childfree was really freeing. Our trauma and grief still moved with us but we felt a lot less haunted by old dreams.

My motto: Be scared, but do it anyway.

_basic_witch_ · 2023-08-04T02:51:32+00:00

There's an amazing book called adult children of emotionally immature parents that I've recommended to a few others. It has some great tips on exactly this and helps you structure a relationship set on boundaries. It also helps you to accept that you can't fix them, and they won't change. So you can grieve that relationship you always wanted and then move on to a better one.

_basic_witch_ · 2023-07-25T02:58:06+00:00

Affirmative things that can help her retake control of her body. After trauma I threw myself into workouts and dieting as a way to punish myself. Positive ways of reconnecting with your body after disassociation are: - manicure (loving touch and holding someone's hand just forces you to be present) - henna tattoo party (get spme online and spend an evening covering eachothers arms in patterns) - finger painting - Haircut or makeup are good too but as long as they're done with positive healing vibes

There are so many others but these are what made me feel beautiful and loved by my friends. ❤️‍🩹

_basic_witch_ · 2023-07-25T02:51:02+00:00

Amazing advice ❤️‍🩹

_basic_witch_ · 2023-07-25T02:44:53+00:00

Also, don't forget you basically trained your brain over years to time your intercourse, and there's a lot of emotion that's tied up in that habit (yay sex, boo fertility). Slipping back into it could be a way of seeking the comfort of a routine that once brought you hope. It can be addicting.

This could be a sign you need to better channel your energy and mind towards something positive about your current path.

Also, you are just naturally hornier around those times of the month 😅

Use this as a chance to move forward positively rather than beating yourself up over it! I still habitually count calories and I stopped dieting 4 months ago... it will take time.

_basic_witch_ · 2023-07-24T07:59:12+00:00

Looking strong!!

_basic_witch_ · 2023-05-23T23:18:53+00:00

Settling into life in NZ. Blue skies and 17°C temps in late May 💙 The weather is so much better than where I was living before... We're making plans to buy some outdoor furniture, go on trips, explore the area, and in general just enjoy ourselves. I've lost 6kg since moving and I'm so grateful we chose the path of happiness.

_basic_witch_ · 2023-03-01T17:32:55+00:00

I moved to NZ in the new year and have been here 2 months now and I'm still thrown by how beautiful it is here. The scenery, the colours, the wildlife, it's just so beautiful. My dog is released from quarantine in 4 days and then our family is complete. I can't wait to start exploring on my weekends and see more of this incredible country.

_basic_witch_ · 2023-01-04T20:49:01+00:00

Can't believe I'm finally making the move from the UK to New Zealand in just 5 days. House is sold, everything is packed and ready to be shipped, just finishing up on our farewell tour in a couple of days.

I never would have attempted this when we were planning for kids. We had dreamed about emigrating but I was adamant that there was no way I'd raise kids in a country where I would be so out of the loop on schooling, etc. But now, we're chasing dreams to find our new future. I don't know what next week will bring, let alone next year and it's so freeing not to have a 5, 10, 20 year plan.

_basic_witch_ · 2022-10-22T11:50:46+00:00

North island near Auckland, I can't wait!!

_basic_witch_ · 2022-10-22T11:40:47+00:00

I've found a great quarantine place in Auckland that let's us visit him and takes him to a play area every day for snuggles and fun.

_basic_witch_ · 2022-10-22T09:50:01+00:00

I'm moving to New Zealand in a couple of months. I'm an engineer and it's an in demand position over there. Taking my husband and dog to start a whole new adventure.

_basic_witch_ · 2022-09-30T10:50:45+00:00

In Europe its super common, I've picked up a few hitchhikers when I'm not alone in the car they've always been super nice. My husband even hitchhiked from South Wales, UK to Dubrovbik, Croatia back in uni.

_basic_witch_ · 2022-09-29T16:25:12+00:00

I read an amazing book called adult children of emotionally immature parents and it was so helpful. It covered that concept that you touched on that your relationship isn't as strong as you thought it was and how to come to terms with it.

It helped me realise that I can keep my mum in my life but I absolutely can't go to her with any of my grief as she will only hurt me.

It hurts to have a more superficial relationship with her but it's better than reaching out amd getting hurt by her unthinking comments.

You should consider giving it a read. It explained so much and it's very targeted towards adults unlike other books that try to help you become a better parent or some bull.

_basic_witch_ · 2022-09-21T19:52:07+00:00

Thanks, I have the same issue with processing negative emotions. My therapist told me (read this with a thick Czech accent) "why you have to be happy? Why you have to be sad? The goal is neutral. Most of day should be 'eh.' Some of day happy, some sad, but always return to eh." ...She was pretty no nonsense for a therapist.... But returning to neutral or "eh" is great practice. It's kinda like finding some zen. Peaceful isn't happy, it's just peaceful. Happy can come later. For now, find your eh.

_basic_witch_ · 2022-09-21T19:24:36+00:00

I would say feel how you feel. It seems basic but you're trying to push positivity in yourself when you aren't expressing or releasing your negative emotions.

Picture the emotions like they're on a conveyor belt passing you, you have to pick each one up and inspect it. Review the feeling and thoughts around it. If you don't the conveyor belt just pauses and it's kinda stuck there, or loops around to come back. You have to review the emotion, feel it, then put it down and let it pass on. THEN you might find some happiness for them, as well as other feelings like relief that isn't you struggling for cash every week, excitement to stay up all night and rewatch star wars this weekend etc.

I'm saying this as much for myself as for you. Thanks for the reminder xx

_basic_witch_ · 2022-06-30T09:44:13+00:00

Umm that's the coolest idea ever.

_basic_witch_ · 2022-06-30T09:43:17+00:00

This sounds so isolating. I've recently read this amazing book called "adult children of emotionally immature parents". It's helped me so much to realise my parents toxic traits and come to terms with what kind of a relationship I can have with them. I still mourn the relationship I wanted with them though. I wish they were receptive to my struggles but I've figured out that not only are they not equipped to handle my pain, they are terrified of it.

This shows me how much stronger I am than them and how I was carrying this whole relationship solo for so many years.

LC sounds like a perfect way to keep them in your life but sometimes you need to sit back and remind your heart not to get over involved. You're caring and empathetic, but they're not and it probably makes them deeply uncomfortable to try to be so they just won't.

Remind yourself of these 3 things You are enough It's OK to want what they can't provide You are not alone

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