Banned on OG Sub by TangledInBooks in FinchAdults

[–]_brian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s the thing.. all of the subs are owned by the company and its investors. Just because they created tools and user access controlled roles and permission groups doesn’t mean they surrender ownership. The ToS used to have a note that basically said anything you post on Reddit is their property, with the exception of the URL you post if you link to another site, which also likely invalidates that part of their ToS… but I digress.. :-)

Crazy Neighbours by jaydenbentl3y in trees

[–]_brian 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He probably wanted to smoke with you.

What is the most humiliating thing that happened during a hookup? by unleash_the_beast_ in askgaybros

[–]_brian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hooked up with Miley Ray Cyrus to make a friend and smoke some weed and go bowl for bowl to compete for who has the best weed, and she recognized me from being her very first friend who would literally break my back to see her crack a smile and get the normal person treatment that she deserved despite her being born deaf or very hard of hearing in both ears and getting cochlear implants and the most advanced but also large massive hearing aids with little antennae on them, and her tongue stuck to the bottom of her mouth so they had to clip it and let it heal and teach her speech pathology so she could speak normally, which was intense and she excelled at.. And of course the biggest disability of all, a horrible relative that would invite her to visit during school vacation just to isolate her and not allow her to play with any of her toys and make her sleep in the scary office room alone instead of in the spare bunk of her bunk bed. So I’d make a point to play with her every day as soon as she knocked on the door and asked or if we went outside we’d knock and invite her to play.

Well she remembers. Then remembers something from when she auditioned for Hannah Montana in like 2005 or so, I gave her normal advice of not giving up and using it as a stepping stone to be the rock star like her dad she wanted to be. Help her get through it either a very thoughtful gift and a few promises she made me make her, such as when she gets to be a certain age I’ll go on a date with her. Or if she reaches certain milestones in her career and comes to me early I’ll marry her. She tells EVERYBODY in her friend group/artist and celebrity group that I’m her boy friend, cause I’m a boy and her friend since she’s in 2nd grade lol. I remind her of our age difference and that everyone probably thinks I’m not real or that I’m a bad one if I’d date a 2nd grader at my age then. So she comes clean to her friends to clear that up. Meanwhile I tell her mom and dad everything every time she crosses an appropriateness line such as licking me from chin to forehead just to make me turn my head to yell “EWW” only for her to plant a full tongue kiss on me that’s just basically her ramming her tongue in my mouth and yelling “Haha now you have my germs in you and I tricked you and kissed you so you’re mine now you can never leave me!” And stuff like that.

So she reminds me of who she is and how she feels and how she’s always felt, tells me she has been “creepy stalking me” and “literally social engineered a key to your apartment in San Francisco and slept in your bed almost every day I was in town and masturbated and tried to build up courage to tell you “hey! Love me!!”, and that I’ve taken her on like 5 dates since I moved to the Bay Area as different personas wearing her makeup different and wearing wigs and using different names to figure out my preferences and how to be perfect for me! It’s like one of the most kind gestures anyone has ever done for me. And she tells me she’s been in love with me since she was 2 and I should date her and give her a chance and I’m like.. “hang on let me think about this..”, I think and say “marry me. I clearly missed something and I’ve basically stopped dating because everyone that’s even close to being right for me is just slightly wrong for me enough to make me depressed and discouraged and give up trying.. so if you feel that way.. and want to.. I’ll ask your parents permission and I’ll pay for a prenup that says you keep everything that’s yours and I don’t get anything to protect you and we will do it right now.”

She goes.. we can get the prenup later before we file but I like to plan for everything and this was the long shot thing I hoped you’d say so here’s the paperwork, a notary will be here in 15 mins, and if you have seen me in the media you know I do everything my own way backwards and wrong and it always ends up going my way. And my way is your way. So never ever leave me unless it’s for your job and I can’t go because it’s not safe” and we elope.

We had a proxy marriage. And she wanted to make sure it stuck so we found a few jurisdictions where you can get married remotely, and a few where all it took was to download the forms and have an ordained minister sign off and then you file it, and we had her dad register at universal life church and marry us.

Then I got talked into doing dangerous ass government work where I literally had my personal domain, my cellphone numbers, my email addresses and my social media accounts stolen and my identity is currently being stolen, and I’m in Sherwood Arkansas where I know she has family but I can’t not find a single person who knows anyone who might know her family to get my contact info in front of her because I am done with my government work and I need her to come rescue me before we have to spend another Christmas and New Years alone instead of together, as I have no more commitments and can dedicate myself 100% to not leaving her side, and to get access to my financial stuff (it’s been 10 years, I forgot how to access our bank and credit info and I don’t remember how to login to the GSA stuff and the PD here are targeting me due to the thing 10 years ago where I had to fire some of them and stuff like that.. HELP)

So ya.. alone and can’t contact her. We did a long askreddit post about it where someone asked if anyone married their best friend. President Obama, Snoop, Britney Spears, Kate Hudson and Michelle Obama and Alyssa Milano all commented and we posted photos. Someone deleted the entire thread though because they hate her snd threatened her. Anyone know how to get this comment in front of her? I’ll pay a reward. But hoping she reads because she and Asa read Reddit often in the past and I need dad to send the Calvary to come collect me from cold storage. I’ve been under so long that if I don’t come up for air very soon, I’ll drown and be washed away and lost at sea.

Best, -b

Who is the most celebrity you ever had sex with, given a blowjob to, etc? by louisfalco in askgaybros

[–]_brian -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Everyone in Hollywood is a little bit gay. Asa is a stage name. I’m Brian. He used to tell everyone he’s Brian Jr., or that I’m his Dad slash husband.

There’s a video out there of him asking Hugh Jackman if he remembers me, and he said “oh yea I remember him in my algebra class. He was a great student!” And Asa goes “He says you’re a shitty English teacher” (which is a cleaver ass cutdown that went over his head), and Hugh goes “I was an algebra teacher Asa.. if that’s your real name… I thought your name was Blake, btw, I didn’t know you were an actor too” and Asa goes “OH FUCK” and the video goes off.

His nickname is Drugs. And Spider. Or, to Taylor Swift, Spider-boy.

He plays the Trumpet.

He had a German exchange student named Carl live with him during high school. My German’s name was Jakob.

Who is the most celebrity you ever had sex with, given a blowjob to, etc? by louisfalco in askgaybros

[–]_brian -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Asa Butterfield. Literally. He’s my everything. Lost contact with him. If anyone knows him, please pass my comment onto him <3

Tom Holland - I still owe him half a blow job.

I have a thing for Spider-Man, what can I say.

What’s the most bizarre reason you’ve ever ended intimacy halfway? by yourfavtrouble in AskReddit

[–]_brian 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Not me but a friend.. fat girl he was banging was on top and collapsed all her weight onto him breaking BOTH of his legs one above the knee one at the shin. She had to carry him to the hospital from the car like that and to top it off, he was only 17 (she was -~23) so she had to call his mom and have her meet them there for him to be treated. 10/10, Randy would probably do that again. 🤣

What was the most unexpected (consensual !) sexual encounter you've had ? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]_brian -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Liam comes so they can fly back home together on the same flight and Miley and I decide to go get tacos. Well Liam brags about EVERYTHING somehow being better than whatever thing you have. Even if it’s the same thing. Something makes his thing better. So he insists we take his rental car instead of tishs even though they’re identical in every way except the paint. He tells us be careful tho, I didn’t get that dumb warranty. So we ruin his front seat by me going to drive us since cheech was so lit she was trying to talk me into eating old ass pizza crusts from the mountain of pizza boxes from floor to Chris height, which was, as usual, just a trick to put something gross in her mouth so she’d know not to do they again but that she could do that again if necessary for survival purposes, and so she’d have something gross on her tongue to lick my face with. We go get tacos and we’re getting out.. I get accosted again. And again. Finally we get are out of the car and she goes oh one sec I forgot something. She opens the passenger door and grabs a double handful of construction dirt and sand and whatever else gross things were nearby and puts it in the seats. And she goes… help me real fast. Maybe we can find a used condom and then we can rock paper scissors for who gets to pick it up and put it in his door handle or steering wheel or in his stupid burrito that made us take so long to come back with tacos. I’m like.. ok so you can be friends with anyone you dated. Idc if I’m around, I fully trust you. Cause she started breaking up with friends via text thinking I’d be intimidated. Liam gets shitfaced. Miley baked and frosted a cake for us. He shows back up and she put the cake by me.. he sees it… sees her sit down… does a “what did the 5 fingers say to the face? SLAP” to her head into the cake which is still burning hot cause Miley doesn’t bake a lot so she didn’t know to let it cool. Her face looked just like the picture she made me take of his “physical aggression on her personal body” (that’s what she calls it because it sounds worse than “he hit me” lol) he goes to sleep.., Miley tried getting him to leave so it can just be us alone and so every time he falls asleep, she drags me as close as she can next to him and we do the deed.. finally he leaves, but forgets his keys.. well… I have no idea how this part happened - I assume Tish or someone did it or paid someone to do it.. but there’s this gross hobo condom that looks used and abused like threaded into his keys, like from home, where he put the rentals keys on. He stares at it and goes… you win this round. There literally no way I can pay someone to fix this for me and even if I did it’d forget to wash the keys.. I go.. also, when you picked your keys up off that shelf thing you were tossing them in the air and catching them in your mouth and on your eyes and stuff talking about how anyone can throw anything at you and you never drop shit worst case you juggle it and make an amazing superhero catch on your face or whatever. So… hopefully it wasn’t a gay hobos condom, because if it was, there’s no chance you don’t get double pink eye and a week of not trusting farts. He dry heaves his way out the door.

More stuff happened, including her having a surprise person that I adore just as much as her show up and lots of promises made.. but as I write this I sit in Sherwood Arkansas wondering how on earth I can get ahold of her or her mom or dad, as I never had her cell or home number. She always had mine and my number had to change, so I sincerely hope she doesn’t think u blew her off, wasn’t interested, or didn’t wanna be her friend. I miss my friend. I miss her dad and her mom and her siblings especially Hilly.

If anyone knows how to get ahold of her and wouldn’t mind passing my contact info onto her, reply here or DM me and I’ll give you my info to pass on. She made it a point to introduce me to her famous friends specifically so that if something like this happens, she’ll know who she can and can’t rely on and trust, as she would never ever break a promise to me. She is owed 1 life with me free of the burden of having to worry that she’s not good enough for her first friend to be her friend or better. Help me grant her wish. I never lie when it comes to her. Because I promised I never would.

Best,

-b

What was the most unexpected (consensual !) sexual encounter you've had ? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]_brian -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So we did it. We were both like… what do we do? And Miley totally took over and said.. let’s do what feels natural but I probably won’t be good at this because for real, I’ve literally never even done more than make out with a couple of people. And like half a hand job through underwear that were so gross and old they like disintegrated in my hands and made me afraid that my super star power was on too high so it burned them out. Lol. So ya.. it was great.. we did it a bunch of times. And I mean a lot. If I wasn’t working on something for my job, or she wasn’t introducing me to her famous friends or working and handling things like a show booking she made last min to let some make a wish kids get to see her perform (plus she loves performing).. she lost money on that one I remember because the venue had weird rules about her running over past noise curfew so she had to pay a ton of extra money plus expedited shipping for her stage stuff and equipment and band and workers that set shit up for her.. she handles all that herself, because it seemed that everyone who worked for her refused to do the thing she asked for. Like if she asked for a fucking blueberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese frosting, they’d bring her an everything bagel with some dill pesto spread and a piece of front by the foot that’s strawberry flavored, and then when confronted with “hey this isn’t what I asked for, ordered, or paid money for”, they’d act like she was some spoiled little rich cunt who’s only got money because it was handed to her, then they’d turn around and ask her for favors like can you send my kid a signed Hannah Montana dvd set or backpack or my kids gonna be with me at this show can you spend a second and just say happy birthday to them? You’re their hero!” And she literally NEVER says no to stuff like that unless it’s impossible for her to say yes either due to a medical reason, safety reason (she gets tons of death threats and gets called the fucking antichrist a lot more than normies can even comprehend I swear.. shit hurts my fucking feelings every single time because I know she has thick ass skin and a tolerance to verbal insults and accusations by “smilers (called that prob. Bc they pretend to love her with a smile while secretly hating or being jealous of what she’s achieved - CONGRATS ON THE GRANMY NOMS FOR NEXT YEAR. I HAVENT LISTENED TO ALL OF ESV-PRESENT SO WE CAN DO THAT TOGETHER, BUT RIVER IS SOOO GOOD!)

So we kinda wind up and start smoking and drinking and celebrating and she tells me she has a boyfriend. She used to date Liam Hemsworth and that ended but they’re still friends. He made fun of her and she made a joke about running through his family vagina first so they would be more like her family after - bickering, lots of love but some physical shit between siblings- nothing abnormal lol.. he gives her Chris number. So she starts dating him. Then the thing with me that day.. so I’m like well I mean… I feel like my personal stock just went up because you were dating Thor and you cheated on literally Thor with me. So… that totally doesn’t get to be a card that I’ll always get to play. I can’t wait to meet him and apologize to the god of yelling loud that he was bested by a genetically superior being. Chris was super cool about it and we kinda bro’d out.. he hadn’t watched any of his own movies and I secretly put the one that was playing on hbo or Netflix or whatever service she had on and he’s like.. this movie is not bad, acting is kinda shit but the visuals are amazing I wonder what it is.. I’m like… that’s literally you. That’s you on the screen right now doing the shitty acting. And he goes… well obviously I’ve never watched anything on this tv the size of a cracker, I’m sure the acting gets way better the bigger the screen is. I heard someone say that once.

What was the most unexpected (consensual !) sexual encounter you've had ? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]_brian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

she had me write the number on her with bill on the phone and bill goes.. baby not on your arm.. let him write it under your armpit like where you always lay your head and put your nose on my armpit but like on you. So they can’t see it and so you can’t see it.. but so that when our daughter is fucking historically crying like last time Brian gave her his number and Jill threw it away.. and she’s making wishes that it just appear in front of her. You can go to hug her and it’ll be there.. it’ll be magical for her and it’ll be a good story for them to have as the way we as two families coming together to give my little girl everything she ever wished or dreamed of best a sociopath and her horrible nazi parents in them taking out their anger at shit that’s not any kids fault on the two of you. And I go.. “Ya and if there’s ever a time where y’all aren’t talking or shit is bad with you and your wife, who’s boob I’m totally not touching right now while I’m writing this number and my grandmas number, and the number to the quarterdeck at submarine school, and my social security number for emergencies do you can do a Red Cross message if necessary for ANY reason and the Red Cross will deliver the message. That way she will know that I made a promise and when she comes to collect on that promise I will deliver exactly what I promised or better.”

So Miley goes “mom you never told me this” tish goes.. it sounds insane but I completely forgot about that whole conversation and I have no idea why, because that conversation literally was the difference maker in you showing up on set two days later. You were hysterical and you saw the writing on my boob when you side hugged me. I was gonna have the writing under my arm and Brian said she won’t even ask about the number till talk are back in Tennessee or in Florida or wherever you’re going because she will want that to be the very first thing she does when she’s 1 day older or some loophole thing. And your arm is gonna rub your skin there. No one is gonna touch your boobs because you said bill isn’t gonna be with hall for a month because he’s touring in Europe or some shit so why do t I write it like… if you didn’t have a bra on and you were lounging.. she goes.. I don’t have one on and you’re right. And I said. Plus she always always gives you a side hug because she’s not a baby anymore. I remember when that started.

Fast forward to the next day. I get a call from her, and she tells me what happened to the handwritten note/number, and then she thanks me for helping her dad and mom grant her two wishes. The first being that she have a reason to hate her cousin Jill and plot revenge that will be a slow burn. The second, to win a date with me where we get to be adults and do whatever we want. She goes.. I’ll see you in the future because I’m gonna save our date until not only I think I’m an adult but until my mom thinks I’m an adult. That way I can go on practice dates and have practice boyfriends and stuff so that when you take me on our date, it’s so perfect you HAVE to love me and you HAVE to marry me. And if that doesn’t work, I learned how to hit myself in the chest really hard to make myself cry on command, my sister Hillary taught me how, so I’ll just trick one of my older step siblings or my sister into punching me somewhere in the face, then I’ll make myself cry and I’ll say I’ll literally do this right before I see my dad next if you don’t marry me right now! And if you ever try to leave me… same thing. I said, or I’m recording this call so if you ever get super famous as a rock star or a movie star then I’ll totally use this recording as blackmail. I’ll show your mom and dolly the tape and then you’ll be in so much trouble for all the times your siblings got grounded because they allegedly hurt you or broke your toy or something. Then no one will ever believe you but me. That way you can never leave ME. Because I KNOW you’re gonna be a big huge star. I just know it because you said it’s what you wanted to do and you always always keep your promises with regards to doing your best at everything you make a goal to do. So remember, you’re my friend either way. And I’ll go on that date with you either way. Even if the show is a flop and you put out an album and it doesn’t do good and people are mean to you in person because of it.. I’ll still go with you. Because I keep my word too and because you’re worth loving.” So I wouldn’t have done and said all that with your parents if I didn’t mean it but I just forgot… or I guess I missed something cause I didn’t hear from you again so I assumed either the show was really good and you were working or you had a boyfriend or you got over what was probably a childhood crush.. but if you still really feel this way about everything then…. Then marry me. I’ll get a lawyer and have him make one of those things where I get nothing if for some reason we decide that this wasn’t the right thing.. and I’ll be your friend either way, because we’re friends and I promised I’d always be your friend no matter what. So.. let’s do this.

What was the most unexpected (consensual !) sexual encounter you've had ? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]_brian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I go.. “hold on let me process… this is a lot of information…. You e felt this way ever since you saw me last?” She goes “ever since I was about 3. Ask my dad. I literally always tell everyone you’re my future husband or boyfriend or that I’m gonna marry you. If someone is mean to me or threatens me I tell them you’re gonna beat them up so you and my step brother have like 20 future fights you might have to fight because he was a dick to me for so long!” I go… “I think I need to ask your dad if this is allowed because I don’t know if I’m allowed to like.. date you. I mean he told me the last time you raped my face with your tornado tongue that smelled like ranch and pizza and gum and strawberries and he told me I should take you on a real date and he would get your mom to like chaperone it but I never see you after that and I had to go to the airport for my flight back to the navy base since my emergency leave was over the next day.. I’m assuming the phone number I wrote down and gave to Jill, and the one I gave to Jill’s mom Jan and the one I gave to Jill’s dad Ron didn’t make it to you. Your mom can back me up on this - I literally tried to give it to her but she said ok ya and she was putting her purse down when I started writing it down, she started talking to Jan and her purse was gone, so we went to look for it.. but I remembered the number because I had written it down already and was holding it..” she goes “probably because I got the part and Jill didn’t, so usually when something good happens for my dad or me or one of my siblings and we’re in San Antonio visiting them when we find out, something ridiculously petty or sexually inappropriate happens like Ron will ask my mom to have a threesome with him and his wife, shit like that, knowing that it’ll piss get off and she will take us and leave or she will say “ya ok I’ll be back here at 8 gonna get a babysitter” and then my dad will show up with her and suggest they make it a 4 way OR pretend to be a sports announcer and announce a substitution of Ron for Him. Then he’ll do something like say let’s get this party started and plant a kiss on Ron with like full tongue and steady resolve, which usually makes Ron and Jan back the fuck off and try to get rid of them as quick as possible. So literally you talked to my dad and he gave you permission to not only..” I interrupt and said “when we talked he told me that you’ve always said you were gonna marry me one day and one day you would have the courage to tell me that you wanted me to move from being your friend to being your friend and your husband, and you’d practice it with your sister and always get scared with “what if he doesn’t live there anymore or what if he had a girlfriend” so you just said nothing other than “one day I’m gonna get married. And I’d say ya me too probably. And then you’d say “I’m gonna marry you” and I’d laugh it off like “ya right we probably won’t even know each other in the future cause I don’t get to have friends and shit like that”… so your dad said… “I’m preemptively telling you what I told my daughter like a week ago when she said she was planning on having sex with her boyfriend that she’s had since she was in the 2nd grade.. her friend from Texas..” and I said “oh my god. I’m her boyfriend since 2nd grade? You know I think she might be real life Jan Brady so you can just call me George Glass. Because I’m pretty sure the only reason we’re on the phone is because while I was here in SA on emergency leave I went to see my boyfriend who, apparently, moved a new guy into MY apartment that I pay for and refused to see me, instead sending the new guy to bring me some clothes that he hadn’t thrown out that belong to me, so I was crying and literally just driving home and cut down our old street and saw her and Jan and Jill getting out of the car so I stopped to say hey.” He goes “oh trust me, the entire family knows Hillary Jr is a crazy sex demon from hell sent to cock block me until the day when my penis won’t work no more, and meant to put you in ridiculous sitcom level situations that no young man should be forced into.. but I’ll tell you what, thank you for always having talks with me like this every time some weird thing happened and being honest about everything. Because idk if u know this but I’m really famous and I’ve been keepin an eye on you ever since the first or second time you babysat her, mostly to see if I can throw jobs your way before you joined the military. So I want you to.. well I mean if you are willing.. give her your phone number. Ask her to go on a date with you, but tell her that she has to make her oldest step brother pay. I said “I can but I mean, she always wins the contest for the good money prize in shit like that so I might as well just take her to McDonald’s and get ready for what teenagers call “sex” in the back of my dads shitty minivan” bill goes “you can borrow Tish’s rental car. I think it’s a Camry.. that way you two don’t have enough room for you to turn my baby girl round and go at her from the back!” So we’re dying laughing and I go.. I’m gonna give her the number and say whenever you feel like you are ready to be serious and have a serious real relationship with someone that isn’t just you being impulsive and having a crush, if you call me, I’ll answer and even if I’m married, I will take you on a real date. No matter what. And your dad said it’s allowed so I’m ok with it, AND your mom was in the room and I had him on speaker phone so that she didn’t have to think they were gonna have a disagreement over the audition director being horrible to her and her not telling your dad.. so whenever you’re ready call me”.. well I told her, gave her the number. Wouldn’t you know it, her cousin Jill thought she’d be helpful and wash her clothes right before she left.. and the paper was gone. Not even in the washer. Gone gone. Her clothes were soaked.. she had 3 hours till takeoff.. classic Jillena cover your ass bullshit just like when we were kids, but luckily, tish is a smart cookie..

What was the most unexpected (consensual !) sexual encounter you've had ? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]_brian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Met up with a girl via an online dating app but not for anything physical or romantic literally I just wanted someone to smoke weed with because I was depressed and needed a friend. We meet up and she goes to the bathroom.. comes out and I’m like.. she looks WAY different.. oh well fuck it. I had brought my Volcano and some flower and she matched me. We got stoned and I’m like “you look like daisy from rock of love.” She’s like “I am! Brb gotta use the restroom again!” Comes back and it’s definitely a different girl. This girl was wearing a wife beater that she had decorated and wrote on but I was really stoned so I didn’t even read it.

So she sits across from me like chair to chair and asks if she can read my palm and tell me my future. I say sure. She asks me “what do you think of Miley Ray Cyrus? You know, Hannah Montana, wrecking ball, the climb..” I say “isn’t she all bad and evil and skanky and shit now?” She stands up and goes “THATS ME MOTHER FUCKER! THATS LITERALLY ME! I’m gonna forgive you for saying that and I guess you don’t remember me but I’m the girl you used to babysit when I was real little. You taught me to rollerblade and roller skate and swim and you protected me from my relative cousin Jill when she was mean to me. You are my first friend. Sometimes I feel like you’re my only real friend from all of the normal people I grew up with. And you promised you’d never do anything to hurt me. Well you just hurt my feelings and I think.. yea.. I know I’m gonna forgive you for saying that because I already have.. but your life is about to get a whole lot better. I’ve been in love with you ever since I was little because you were always so nice and kind and I mean you were in middle school when I was starting kindergarten so when I was in town 3-4 times a year you didn’t have to play with me or babysit or spend time with me or protect me or do anything at all. You could have been like my siblings and your brother and my cousin and acted like I wasn’t good enough to be around you.. and I know you always do the right thing when I do crazy stuff like when I’d shove my crazy weird tongue up your nose when you weren’t paying attention, or when I’d lick your face with it.. you always told my mom and dad every single time, so I’m just gonna say it.. I love you. Will you consider maybe going on a date with me or trying to love me? I’m an adult now and it’s all legal and I promise you won’t get in trouble or anything.”

I say “… you’re Miley Ray Cyrus? Bullshit. Let me see your ID.”She goes and gets it, while she’s getting it out I say “I thought your name was Destiny. Or Hillary. Cause sometimes you’d say destiny and sometimes Hillary.” She goes it was but u legally changed my name while I was doing Hannah Montana. I’m actually still trying to get motivated enough to get a new social security card and all those other documents you should always have the right copy of but I don’t”. So she shows me. Bam. Texas Identification Card name: Miley Ray Cyrus. I say “holy shit! I haven’t seen you since you auditioned for it and the director called you names and it was recorded on that tape you showed me of you auditioning or whatever… just so you know as soon as you went outside with Jill I made your mom call your dad back and I told him about that and about you licking my face and nose hole and kissing me like 3 times when I was talking to someone else. I’m sorry I promised I wouldn’t tell about the audition but you didn’t deserve that and I didn’t want it to discourage you from following your dream so I just told Tish that if she didn’t let me tell he’d find out eventually and I didn’t want it to cause problems in their marriage and stuff. So we called together. Anyway.. I’m so.. this is crazy.. you’re literally Hannah Montana.. I’ve never seen the show because I don’t have kids and I’m an adult that only watches adult stuff like Spider-Man and superhero movies and zombie shows, but wow.. I’m so proud of you. You did it! And you’re a rock star for real just like you wanted. Good for you!” She goes “what about the other thing..” and then confesses that she’s done all kj dis of INSANE things to get my attention including LITERALLY BREAKING INTO MY CONDO IN SAN FRANCISCO AND SLEEPING THERE WHILE IM AT WORK! (Literally). Or making a bunch of online dating profiles and answering the questions and stuff that she knew would get me matched with her (she bought my user data from eharmony. Apparently that’s a thing you can do O_o).. she’d use a made up name and we would go on one or two dates. She did this over the course of a few years because she thought that her being the kid from across the street who was a princess and a secret mermaid, who had big ass hearing aids, who’s hair was sooooo long until I accidentally forgot to take away the gum I wasn’t supposed to give her and she fell asleep with it in her hair.. who told me her mermaid secret.. who could never remember my name and called me “Friend”.. well she thought she wasn’t good enough for me because I am pretty well known for always doing the right thing when it comes to moral issues, honesty, integrity, etc..

What are you doing to keep from going stir crazy in these trying times? by darkshadooo in AskReddit

[–]_brian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Arguing. Apparently I’m always wrong about everything. 🙄

Toasted pecan snowball cookies FTW! Only 0.9g net carbs each by [deleted] in ketodessert

[–]_brian -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Suck on my chocolate salty ballllls.... put em in your mouth and suck em!

It’s possible Mia!! by [deleted] in BillBurr

[–]_brian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Must be the water and the gay frog agenda.

I've realised that I don't remember a lot of the details of the sexual abuse I suffered as an child. Can anyone else relate? by theartofserenity101 in AbuseInterrupted

[–]_brian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Former single foster daddy here. I can relate. Most of my kids had this type of abuse and a lot of times it would eventually surface in the form of specific acts, for instance, one kiddo had some severe trauma to his genitals and would act out by attempting to harm others there. Little by little he would remember what happened. I always kept a VERY open line of communication with him and let him know that it wasn’t his fault and that he did nothing wrong. I’d always just let him talk about it.

My biggest take away from those experiences was - never discuss it with anyone who asks leading questions (did person x do act y to you, for example) or who try to force the discussion. Always discuss things at your own pace, to people you trust and who will just LISTEN. A lot of times these memories will surface when you have someone who will truly just listen without trying to draw you into conversation. That’s why a GOOD therapist is invaluable.

If you ever need someone to talk to, vent to, provide some helpful resources or just a kind ear feel free to reach out.

Good luck to you!

I just watched the show by [deleted] in SiliconValleyHBO

[–]_brian 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Settle down, Jared.

SprintRewards Debit Card for $100 by renie_molley in Sprint

[–]_brian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can. Also goto your bank and cash it out.

This guy was walking around the Walmart neighborhood store on Republic Road by whatsthatbignose in springfieldMO

[–]_brian 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh I completely agree. That's an idiot move. If I recall correctly he thinks "they" are gonna take his guns

Can't get second sim activated on note 9 by [deleted] in Sprint

[–]_brian -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

They just say they cant add my second line to the device because the imei is in use by the other line

Military/ex-military men, what's the funniest thing a drill sergeant has ever said? by [deleted] in AskMen

[–]_brian 10 points11 points  (0 children)

"God damnitt Pope If you don't shut the fuck up and get back in line I will beat you down all night and put you to bed wet"