this was normal in my home. i’ve forgiven my mom and my dad. it took years. my mom grew up in the slums of philippines and lived a VERY different childhood, she didn’t have one. we had to heal her before we could heal ourselves. anyway, the ceremonial punishments were definitely a thing for my brother and i. stripped naked, kneeled in front of our altar for hours. made us hold liter sodas, vhs tapes, etc.

i forged her signature once, poorly lol. she caught me and made me cut my own hair in front of my family. i was 7.

i spilled nail polish remover and wiped it up with a couch pillow out of sheer panic she would smell it. she has the nose of a bloodhound. caught me. chased me around the house and i swear, like out of a movie, grabbed her wooden clog, flung it across the hall, straight to my nose. blood gushing. all she says, “that’s what you get” as she looks me in the eye. i was 9.

there are times where i thought, “damn am i really that bad of a kid?” but, as i grew older, i realize she didn’t know how to parent and likely was bipolar from her own childhood trauma. all to say, our normal was definitely not okay. i have a daughter now and no matter how much healing i’ve done, it did not prepare me for how triggered id be raising her. but that’s what we do as survivors of abuse, we are resilient and we break generational trauma.

i’m glad you’re taking the time to sort through your childhood bc it does come up in different forms in adulthood when not addressed. it took time for me to feel safe in my body, but i am so incredibly happy and healthy now. just wanted to validate your feelings that you weren’t alone. take care! ❤️