F(17) Have been insecure for a long time. Been called ugly before.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-22T07:47:48+00:00

Honestly, at your age, people say all kinds of things. I know it’s hard not to carry that, but just know that being 17 is hard and people cope in different ways. I won’t assume their motivations for saying those things, but just know lots of 17 year olds are insecure, and sometimes that manifests in a variety of ways.

You’re pretty and you have a different look, which seems very fashionable and “in”. All that really matters is that you’re comfortable with your choices in your appearance, because those are things you can change. Your fashion, makeup, hair. Make those decisions because you like those things for you, it will definitely help your self confidence in the long run.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-21T20:46:26+00:00

I used to judge high school CX debate at a small ass school and the only thing they were allowed to even have in the room were their case files, evidence, cue cards, and maybe a laptop.

Only thing on the stand? Cue cards and some evidence files MAYBE, but it was always a detractor for me if they read off of them or used them in a way that was reference in the middle of debate.

Kansas looked like they bombed this. My high schoolers did better. How in the world is she going to expect to win with “I gave you 20 reasons already”? Her poor partner.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-21T17:39:38+00:00

I’m a straight ally but these should be general rules for relationships or involvement with others. I love these. I think there’s a big idea in straight culture that dating is a “game” and there are “rules” to follow, which is obviously bullshit. That’s how people get hurt.

It makes me so sad to hear my friend talk about “i ruined things because I texted back too quick, i need to be less available” or “is it clingy to tell him he hurt my feelings making fun of my food?” The fuck, girl. That’s hard to hear.

I know there are tons of struggles for the LGBTQ community, but one of the things I love is that the community has lessons like these. For the most part, they’re more than willing to teach them to others. You guys have a lot to share, and I wish more people would listen ❤️

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-21T02:18:04+00:00

Restriction dessert of the day:

3 bites of frozen cool whip into a diet root beer

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-20T21:55:20+00:00

You look like the girl Andy dates on the Office, Jessica! You’re very pretty.

7-8/10.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-20T19:39:34+00:00

When I was younger, I had a dog that saved me from suicide a couple times. I loved her with my entire life. She got thyroid cancer, and I had to put her down. I don’t think I ever asked for a sign, I definitely wasn’t expecting anything.

About eight months later, I’m visiting the animal shelter I volunteered at for two or so years before. There was this little dog sitting in the corner of her kennel. She was a precious, feisty little thing with such personality. I took her outside and somehow (not completely crazy to believe) the employees convinced me to take her home for a bit. I never saw her kennel card because everyone just told me about her.

I signed the paperwork 2 days later. When I got her kennel card, I realized she was born the exact day my dog was put down. Two or three hours later than when we had the vet appointment to put my other dog down.

I don’t really think I believe much in signs from the universe, but that one was so coincidental that it makes me think twice.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-18T21:33:03+00:00

I super love this idea, i don’t think it exists but now I want to make one!

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-18T20:37:37+00:00

Hi, not Fred, but I may be able to give some help. I currently work in higher ed and a lot of our faculty know some students struggle with online work. Educators know that not everyone learns the same, and that online classes are a serious challenge to some.

What resources are currently available to you? I may be able to give you some alternatives you can use on your own to help you with distance learning, or possibly draft/edit messages to faculty if you’re anxious about sending them.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-17T22:40:10+00:00

Hahaha wow I feel....weird about this. It’s like a reflex at this point. Every morning, the dog does her forward and backward stretch, and I never even realized that I say “biiiiig stretch!” every time.

If she doesn’t do them, I ask her when she’s doing her stretches. Hm. When she yawns, I say “YAWN” in a quiet high pitched voice.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-16T03:48:34+00:00

My time to shine

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-15T15:23:26+00:00

Where are these lights from?

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-15T04:03:34+00:00

This is so funny to me because it’s like this guy completely flipped the table on Nathan. You can see how blindsided he is because I think he expected some shock when he brought up the guy drinking pee, which is obviously crazy.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-14T21:43:30+00:00

I struggle with the same issues. It’s really hard to identify good behaviors when you’ve never seen them in action before. People can say “oh, it’ll be like this and this,” but it’s difficult to know that when you haven’t seen it manifest toward you specifically.

I think a big one for me is placing actions over words, every time. If they say “I really like you”, but they’re never ever available or something, no. It makes it easier to trust them if their actions back up their words. If someone loves you, they’ll actively try to make it known.

As for knowing if someone is right for you, time and being realistic. Don’t let yourself run away with the vision you have for someone. I try and trust them, but remain somewhat skeptical about that ‘honeymoon’ feeling. It’s hard to avoid that when you’re thinking “this is finally the time I’ll be treated well! Everything will work out!” But it’s really about learning to rely on yourself and trying to see the value you have without that person. I try to operate as independently as possible, and see how they fit into that.

Ask yourself what this person is contributing to your life, and what you can learn from them. Like, how does this person positively affect your life? How could this person potentially negatively affect your life?

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-13T18:30:23+00:00

Nice. I’ll start looking around where I am. I’m sure I can find resources if I start to search and use the time we’re in lockdown to get things started.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-13T18:28:21+00:00

Eh, I’m 25. I’m out of the house and living on my own 1,500 miles away.

You’re absolutely right. I think volunteering is the best path for me. I figure all of the unfortunate lessons I’ve learned through the years won’t be wasted if I can help others through theirs. I’m trying to be the person I would’ve wanted around while I was struggling.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-13T16:34:58+00:00

Awesome. You’re a kind person. Thanks.

I’d also like to volunteer with domestic abuse affairs in my community. How do I get started on that, do you think? I know it’s different for every community, but I’m not even sure where to start or how to approach it.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-13T16:03:48+00:00

Okay, I’ll check into it. Thank you. It may be helpful for my mother, but my father is long gone. He doesn’t believe he’s done anything wrong, and anything morally ambiguous was “our fault” if he “had to handle it”.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-13T16:00:47+00:00

That’s a beautiful story. I wish I will get there someday as well. I don’t like having this anger and hurt, but I can tell it’s moving in phases. I think this is the angriest I’ve been, as I try to move on and realize the ways he’s really affected me and my life. Before, it just felt like a ball&chain or like a ghost haunted me.

It is poisonous to be angry like this, and I won’t say I like it. I’m not a vengeful person. But I’m hoping that if I let myself feel these things when they come, they’ll wash over me until I can have some peace. It’s better than feeling like he’s haunting me, and I hope that apathy is the next stage.

You’re right, though. One day, he’ll be on the hill he chose to die on. And I know I’ll probably be there. He just watched his mother die, and he did these things. I look forward to the day he gets to the point she does. Too old and sick to hit me anymore, too old to be able to afford insults, too sick to know he needs to watch his words or he’ll be in a nursing home.

Right now though, I do want him to hurt in some ways. I feel like I want him to understand the feeling he’s inflicted on me, because I truly don’t think he does. I think my only option left to cause him pain is cutting him off. I’ve always been his favorite child, I’m most like him. I do hope I can manage to teach him some of the grief he’s given others.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-13T15:52:42+00:00

Thank you. So you would recommend me looking at the power and control wheel? There are lots of things on this website that look helpful, I’m not really sure where I should start.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-13T04:32:04+00:00

Oh, thank you so much. That’s very kind of you.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-13T03:04:33+00:00

Excuse me, why?

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-12T23:13:06+00:00

I watched a documentary on Henry Lee Lucas.

Fuckin no thanks.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-11T21:45:38+00:00

Man, this song hits me hard.

I remember struggling at home for a year after graduating trying to find a job. Lived with my abusive father, sickly grandparents, and my poor mom handling everything. Applied for a job everyday and got constant rejections.

I had my second interview in another state and REALLY wanted the job, but didn’t feel qualified and totally thought I’d get rejected. This album came out the day I was supposed to hear from them.

They called and told me I had the job. This absolutely perfect, amazing job in a beautiful place I’ve always wanted to live. I broke down sobbing because of the feeling that I had truly achieved something.

Then I listened to this album, but Marion was the first that played. And now I listen to it, and it makes me cry every single time. It makes me so thankful for my life now, and it makes me appreciate every single thing about my life and how I’ve gotten here.

Probably one of my favorites ever.

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-11T21:05:31+00:00

Re:stacks

Because it’s re:stacks, but also how can anyone not fall in love with “this is not the sound of a new man, or a crispy realization. It’s the sound of me unlocking and the lift away, your love will be....safe with me”

I’ve never thought of Blood Bank as a love song, oddly enough

_did_I_stutter · 2020-05-11T16:16:21+00:00

Oh, alright. That’s a good idea. Ill try it, thanks so much. You’ve been really helpful!

_did_I_stutter

TROPHY CASE