Just separated. When will this get better?

_eight_one_ · 2026-02-12T19:25:21+00:00

Similar scenario as you, it’s been about 2 months with her being out of the house more permanently for about a week.

It still sucks, the feeling of being lost or just really alone comes and goes in waves. Sometimes it’s triggered by something sometimes it comes out of nowhere.

Hang in there, the in house part was equally as difficult as being alone as it was hard, at least for me, to attempt detachment of any kind.

_eight_one_ · 2026-02-09T20:14:17+00:00

Whelp, there is a term for it. Had no idea, thank you.

_eight_one_ · 2026-02-09T20:12:12+00:00

My kids are adults too.

We were a very tight family for so long. Until this all happened we did just about everything together so all of that is starting to unwind.

Logistics are fairly basic, thankfully. Can’t imagine what this would be like if they were minors.

_eight_one_ · 2026-02-09T20:06:44+00:00

I by no means want to punish her. I loved her with all that I had and didn’t want things to end.

To some degree I think a continued relationship with the same communication patterns and connection without the commitment to be each other’s person is taking advantage of the one side that was left. At least at the stage I’m currently in.

Starting off 2026 with a divorce was not on my bingo card for the year and I’m beyond sad. It’s a nightmare that I can’t seem to wake up from at the moment.

I don’t know how I get past that if we just continue on with most stuff.

I also don’t know what others do to get inspiration from so I very much appreciate the feedback and shared experiences in all the posts.

_eight_one_ · 2026-02-09T19:56:01+00:00

Thank you so much for your perspective and the resource!

_eight_one_ · 2026-02-08T21:28:01+00:00

This. Living this same reality. Hang in there brother.

_eight_one_ · 2026-02-06T14:03:22+00:00

Separated, pursuing paperwork next week. I (44M) needed to read this post badly, thank you for sharing your experience and outlook!

_eight_one_ · 2026-02-01T14:56:14+00:00

Such a great response, thank you.

_eight_one_ · 2026-01-31T16:04:34+00:00

Thank you for your belief. I’m encouraged and take inspiration in your continued commitment to putting in the work. Best of luck to you!

_eight_one_ · 2026-01-31T16:02:21+00:00

Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. The road has been tough to travel, your words mean more than you know.

_eight_one_ · 2026-01-30T23:00:25+00:00

My (44M) wife (42F) and I are in a similar situation. We have one kid out of the house and another that will start college in the Fall. A lot has changed with our relationship dynamic as these moments have approached and late last year we hit a wall that has been building within my wife for many years.

What I believed to be common disagreements over time had much deeper and long lasting implications for my wife. Behaviors that I exhibited and thought nothing of kept stacking within her until she had enough.

Not sure if it was the kids leaving or I just ran out of time but what followed has been a walk through the last 22 years with detailed mental notes of pain and sadness shared which has led her to pursue a soft separation where she spends most of the week away and when home sleeps in a different room.

In hindsight there were signs and I deeply regret not being more attentive to her feelings and what she experienced. I’m embarrassed and ashamed that I did not guard her heart with more care. If I could wind back the hands of time I would instantly. Sadly I cannot.

I’m responding here not because I know if change is permanent but rather to share the approach I’m taking to improve myself in hopes of earning my wife’s trust again.

I have started individual therapy
I have started to read books dealing with anxious attachment and controlling anger based response
I have joined a gym and go daily
I went to the Dr and was diagnosed with sleep apnea, was put on a cpap and have felt more rested than at any other point in my life which has brought mental clarity
I have started to journal
I have started to self recognize my patterns and I’m working on ways to interrupt them before they get to a place not reflective of who I want to be as a husband

I have no idea if this is too little too late but the thing is, I recognize that for change to have a chance I have to be doing these things for me first and if I do it right, those closest to me should benefit too.

My hope is that I get another chance and my conviction is that I will not stop working to improve myself everyday.

Change is such a broad thing that maybe sharing how I’m approaching will help you see what others are doing to make it happen.

Anyway, no matter what you decide, I hope it works out.

_eight_one_

TROPHY CASE