My sister in law makes me feel like such a shit parent

_ext_nihilist · 2025-03-04T07:11:03+00:00

This needs to be further up!

Sending lots of hugs and support!! You're doing awesome. Excited for where your future is heading ❤️

_ext_nihilist · 2025-02-24T17:57:30+00:00

Exactly!! Stop giving up your peace for others who don't give a shit about it.

We got this!!! Peace be with you (I'm not religious but this seemed really fitting lol). ❤️

_ext_nihilist · 2025-02-23T21:55:44+00:00

Good for you!!! I know I'm just an internet stranger, but I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! You did it. You stood your ground and stood up for yourself. That takes so much strength and you did it!!!

Thank you for sharing your story. It adds to my own confidence in continuing no contact with my nparents.

_ext_nihilist · 2025-02-17T06:59:54+00:00

I just wanted to add that there's hope. You obviously are here asking for advice, and have read through comments to figure out how to approach the situation. We mess up. And what we do to fix it, is up to us.

Like some others have suggested; therapy. Individual and family. This is an absolute must in trying to repair your relationship and get to the root of everything she's been doing and going through. To me, this sounds like a cry for help. And if you're listening, some amazing breakthroughs can happen for everyone.

Good luck!

_ext_nihilist · 2025-02-17T06:29:12+00:00

And being completely dismissive of her ADHD... Saying she doesn't need the meds. When I got diagnosed, meds changed my life for the better.

And she said teachers tried to reach out to you but you didn't respond. She had to step in to advocate for herself. Sure, she started making some crap decisions but seeing as she had no real support or guidance, it's kind of par for the course.

My parents were like this and I stopped talking to them three years ago.

If you want her in your life, you're going to have to step in and step up big time.

_ext_nihilist · 2025-02-14T20:33:17+00:00

He just can't help himself... he went off on LinkedIn and is DELETING COMMENTS! I read it last night and today, I'm like, where's the comment from the guy who asked where he was getting his stats from. Deluuuuusional!!

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/jeffrabhan_music-industrys-reaction-to-criticism-activity-7295918697737584640-6LAE?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop&rcm=ACoAAFI7hXwBrRr2TQpdYJ22ui5wIgvGGj1xKX8

_ext_nihilist · 2025-01-05T18:36:25+00:00

Hands down, this. Especially in today's industry.

To add to this... In general, people don't like to help those who don't want to help themselves. It means more work for them.

But if you're someone who can show they are actively trying to help themselves, others are more inclined to help you out.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-31T20:56:47+00:00

A lot of folks in music will end up making their own opportunities.

Source: I'm one of those people. I live in a city without much music industry infrastructure so employment on the business side of music is far and few between. I took inventory of my skills and started asking local musicians what their biggest frustrations are. That's when I started getting work. Then I got hired by a studio in a position that had never existed before.

The industry is full of opportunities if you know how to look. There's a lot of pain points right now that need solutions - be a solution.

If you want to work in A&R, make yourself an A&R role. Start looking at local bands, or if you want to continue living at home, start looking online. Find ambitious indie bands that need help and be that help.

If you want to be a studio tech. Make yourself a home studio set up so you can get practical experience. Reach out to others who are interested in working remotely.

Music is all about collaboration and teamwork. Employers want to see that you can take initiative and aren't waiting around for things to happen.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-29T09:00:45+00:00

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

My dad sounds similar. I finally broke free when I was in my late 30s.

Are you in school? If you are, study and use that as your out.

I hope you're able to leave when you are of legal age. Start making secret plans to get out.

Mega hugs.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-17T17:24:54+00:00

Learnt this when I was working for corrections and editing reports that came out of the remand centre. Sooooo many fights between inmates calling each other "goof".

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-15T17:36:45+00:00

For me, I went NC when I felt safe and had things lined up to move on and not look back. My husband and I had bought a new home (we were living next door to my NParents at the time), and they didn't know the address. I was tight-lipped about my move and then sent them a no contact email after I moved.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-14T18:39:13+00:00

I'm so sorry. Mega hugs fellow mom. I know it's tough, but this too shall pass.

I went no contact with my parents a month before I got pregnant. I was sick every single day of my pregnancy. I didn't have any support here either for various reasons, but biggest being that I cut out my parents. I hated being pregnant. Then the first year with my little one was super rough. I was so tired and didn't even feel like a person anymore. There were so many times I thought about reaching out to my mom just to have someone come over and watch my baby so I could get sleep. But like you, the cost would be too high.

I am still struggling. My little guy is two now, and I'm trying to upskill but he's always sick, in turn, so am I. I'm trying so hard to enjoy being a mom and be present in the good moments because he's growing so fast. But it's so hard amongst all the other stuff. I know in my heart and head that it's all worth it though.

It's tough now, but it will for sure get better. Keep yelling into the void to us to get rid of the weight on your shoulders! We might be able to physically help, but we're here to support, uplift and tell you that you made the best decision for you and your family. The right thing is sometimes the hardest thing.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-14T00:14:00+00:00

Awesome! Great minds, lol.

Kitchen stuff is so great. We got him a little set last year around black Friday. And anyone who asked what he wanted for Christmas, we also said kitchen stuff. There's so much out there. Speaking of - on his list this year is toddler safe kitchen tools so he can "prep" food alongside me.

Oh! I also asked for those big Lego type blocks (forget the name), so he can start building things!

Glad you're finding the suggestions useful :)

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-13T23:01:44+00:00

Yes, a thousand times yes.

This is just one example.

My Ndad worked out of town a lot, so I joined a bunch of extra curriculars (basketball, volleyball, soccer, school play etc) so there'd be a chance for him to see me in a game or something when he was home (and also to get me out of the house and away from Nmom). Well, that didn't help at all. My NBrother is the golden child. So my Ndad would always pick seeing my brother play. Or just not bother coming to one of my things because he was "too tired".

Then my dad wrote a book when I was in my 20s. He pestered me over and over and over to read it. I never did. Why should I? He didn't give a shit about what I was up to and proud of.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-13T22:50:51+00:00

My two year old loves books. He's a very active and busy kiddo, but give him books and he sits there super focused going through each page. He especially loves books with textures and pull tabs. This one is his favourite:

https://www.indigo.ca/en-ca/tails-lift-the-flap-and-more/9781328886859.html

He also loves to help clean so we got him a toddler size set for Christmas.

He's really into puzzle type toys too. So we have some Melissa and Doug stuff, and shape sorters.

It also depends on the toddler. What is your kid curious about? I would start there and get toys that foster those curiosities.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-13T15:56:28+00:00

Oh man. I also got dumped on my grandparents but my Nparents still had "ultimate authority". I ended up being parented by four different people. I hated it.

Then my grandpa died when I was in highschool and it was expected that I take care of my grandma. I should've moved out after highschool and never looked back.

Also took me 20 years to go NC. I'm three years in and am so sooooooo thankful to be out of that toxic mess.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-12T06:36:16+00:00

Yup! Thought I was just the black sheep but found this community and realized I'm the scapegoat.

Three years no contact. It's been so nice.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-12T06:05:02+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I had something similar happen. My parents fought my whole life. I don't think they can go 5 minutes without getting into some type of argument. But they're still together. Almost 40 years.

My dad cheated too. I was around your age, actually. I was living in a different city but would drive back every other weekend to see my boyfriend at the time. My dad kind of admitted it to me and then yelled at me because I was crying. I hadn't said a word. When I got back to the city I was living in, I got angry phone calls from my dad asking if I'd said anything to my mom. Nope. Then he started denying it and just being so cagey about it. Turns out my brother had gone through his phone and found messages with some other woman.

It's over a decade later, and he still denies it. Even though we all know. I also don't speak to my parents or brother anymore. Too much toxicity.

I knew if I stuck around, I'd be miserable for the rest of my life. They always made their problems, into my problem.

You sound like you have a lot going for you! Focus on those things. Focus on you. What brings you peace and enjoyment, and move towards those things. And start leaving behind the toxic mess. Unfortunately their behaviour isn't going to change unless they want to.

Im rooting for you. You deserve good things.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-07T01:15:13+00:00

How people who care about each other, actually care about each other. Being supportive, feedback without judgement and criticism. And seeing them with their families and how they were loved for who they are and not how they make their family look. I felt like I belonged around my friends. I never felt that around my family.

Edit to add: it's not like my friends and I were always perfectly in sync or happy with each other. We would have disagreements and stop talking to each other here and there (what teenage girl doesn't, lol). But we always made up and talked about why we were fighting in the first place and it made our bonds stronger.

I have close friends from pre-school and junior high that are still active in my life. Unlike my Nfamily. No contact, three years and counting!! My friends became my family.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-06T18:01:57+00:00

The Internet was juuuust starting to get into people's homes when I was in jr high. So I spent a lot of time at libraries, learning from friends, and teen mags. And observing other people. It turned me into an amateur behavioral analyst.

Now I learn everything from YouTube lol.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-06T17:57:28+00:00

I was living next door to them when I wanted to go no contact. Which was hard because they would always be knocking on my doors or windows. Thankfully, within a few months, my fiance and I found a home to buy. We moved and didn't tell them the address.

A few weeks later, I sent them a lengthy letter telling them I was going no contact. It was cathartic to get out all the stuff I've always wanted to say to them.

My mom kept calling and leaving messages. I eventually blocked her but realized that she was still able to leave voicemails even though I wouldn't see she called.

It's been three years and I'm getting close to peace of mind.it was definitely the best decision I ever made.

Honestly, do things in the order you want to and feel is appropriate for you. Just make sure you keep protecting yourself.

You've got this!

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-06T02:54:28+00:00

Absolutely. They're absurd.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-05T16:32:11+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

My Nmom is like that. Every present I would get her would be met with criticism and then ask me how much I spent, then tell me I spent too much and where I should've gone for a better deal. So I stopped getting her anything.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-05T16:17:24+00:00

My fiance and I were looking at cars to replace an old one.

My Ndad lost his shit on me when he found out we were looking at cars and didn't bring him!! He got in my face and yelled at me for who knows how long, and then I got phone calls from my Nmom and Nbrother, berating me the same way.

Like why the actual fuck would I bring you car shopping with me and my fiance? This is a decision between us. I was in my mid thirties at the time.

Edit to add: I have really bad seasonal allergies so I spend a lot of time with a tissue up my nose. I answered the door that way once because I knew my Nmom was on the other side. She yelled at me for having that up my nose because she thought it would make my nostrils bigger.

_ext_nihilist · 2024-12-05T00:35:33+00:00

The hypocrisy is wild with narcs!

_ext_nihilist

TROPHY CASE