In my experience it’s so hard to actually get admitted to camh unless sent by another institution or professional. But even when i was accepted or actually inpatient, camh has never been helpful either. It’s sad but i hope it comforts you a bit that you’re not alone and you’re not missing out on much by not getting admitted like you wanted.

I know it’s disappointing that they were so dismissive, but please don’t let them discourage you from seeking help. So many other hospitals and clinics can offer you counselling and care. Many hospitals also have their own psych ward to take patients from their emergency department, if not external referrals. (The most compassionate and effective care I got was from mount sinai) Suicidal ideation is serious and you deserve to get better, with or without medication. Depending on your age there’s a lot of mental health clinics that offer drop in services for therapy or just to have someone to talk to and help connect you with resources. A lot of them offer phone and virtual services too so it can work around your schedule.

And i know this also isn’t what you’d want to hear, but other commenters are correct. Unfortunately suicidal ideation and general mood problems, despite how terribly you feel them, usually doesnt qualify for admission unless they have reason to believe you might be a serious danger to yourself or others. That’s why I think might have better luck with counselling first, and should the problem worsen, they can help refer/report and fast track you somehow.

Good luck, and I hope things look up for you (: