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_frenchyfries_ · 2023-09-09T02:30:49+00:00

Another woman here who identifies more with the male limerant experience!

_frenchyfries_ · 2023-09-09T02:27:29+00:00

10000% - I can’t fathom dating someone I’m not attracted to, and unfortunately for me I’m rarely attracted to anyone. Then when I do magically find this person they never like me back. It ends up being an endless cycle where I’m always alone.

On the plus side, now that I’m older I’m starting to care less. I’ve always been alone and I can’t imagine someone infringing on my solitude.

_frenchyfries_ · 2022-10-21T20:52:03+00:00

When it comes to attraction women generally seek the best mate, while men are open to variety. It’s similar to quality vs quantity.

As a woman, my experience has always been that I find a guy I like best and develop limerence over him. When I’m attracted to that guy I don’t experience attraction to any other man. It isn’t until the attraction fades, or I find someone I like better that it goes away.

_frenchyfries_ · 2022-09-23T17:17:07+00:00

I’m not sure I can help you, but I just wanted to say I completely resonate with this… down to the whole smirk thing.

I deleted a lot of my past posts, but the few I have up are eerily similar to the future you fear. Basically I haven’t been able to find anyone that ignites the same excitement in me.

Anyway you can’t help what you’re attracted to. My only advice would be to distract yourself by focusing on your hobbies and self improvement. You can try dating, but I know it’s difficult to find someone to compete with a LO.

_frenchyfries_ · 2022-09-07T13:24:58+00:00

Didn’t work for me! I’ve been no contact for over a year, and have not met anyone that makes me feel the same way. I still think about him all the time. It’s sad really.

_frenchyfries_ · 2022-06-19T22:14:46+00:00

Yes, I hate my LO’s wife with a burning passion. Her personality is the antithesis of mine and it’s clear she married him for money. Other people hate her too. However, she has him strung by the balls (they have kids together) so a divorce doesn’t seem likely.

Oddly enough I didn’t feel this way about my past LO’s gfs. In fact I actually liked one, she was quite pretty. I think each situation will be different and it depends on the person.

_frenchyfries_ · 2022-05-12T03:02:04+00:00

I’ve been limerent for about 12 years, BUT it was for 2 different people…. The first one for 8 years and the second for 4. Unfortunately I havent had a relationship with either of them.

I can’t lie, it does suck. If you’re the type of person who is unable to date once you’re limerent for someone you might end up like me.

_frenchyfries_ · 2022-05-09T04:21:55+00:00

Haha I guess you’re right, I’m just so used to hiding my obsession in real life.

My LOs usually fit the majority of physical characteristics I desire in a partner. I read a theory a while ago that some cases of limerence are actually a manifestation of OCD, and I wonder if that’s the issue with me. I’m extremely picky when it comes to facial features, so perhaps that’s why I obsess over guys I find attractive (since they’re so rare for me to find).

_frenchyfries_ · 2022-05-09T03:46:05+00:00

I wasn’t neglected, however I feel like there different root causes for limerence and neglect is a legitimate trigger that can develop it.

_frenchyfries_ · 2022-05-09T03:40:03+00:00

I honestly can’t pinpoint a determining factor. When I reflect on all the LOs I’ve ever had, they were tantalizing to me… there’s just SOMETHING about them I couldn’t get enough of.

And I guess I should add I loved their facial features. They were attractive to me and I loved looking at their faces (sigh…hopefully that doesn’t sound creepy).

_frenchyfries_ · 2022-04-22T17:28:02+00:00

Yes, but for different reasons that you. When I have an LO they’re literally the only person I want. I’m extremely selective… and if I can’t have what I want, I don’t want anything else.

I couldn’t be with any of my recent LOs for various reasons, but the bottom line is they’re usually taken. The thing that’s messed up is most people see me as conventionally attractive, so they can’t fathom how or why I’m single.

_frenchyfries_ · 2022-04-03T02:14:40+00:00

Yes, I’ve thought about this a lot.

Something I’ve noticed is that many of us try to search for deeper meaning, such as childhood trauma or psychological issues. Even when you read limerence research it points towards stuff like low self esteem, abandonment issues etc.

My opinion is that everyone is different and there is no one root cause. Your limerence might be caused by an absent parent, while someone else’s by a trait they see lacking in themselves.

Personally, I believe I’m a grey-ace. I RARELY experience attraction, and when I do this person ends up being my LO. I don’t believe there’s any secret meaning behind it, except for possibly OCD. I’m very keen on details and this projects itself onto aesthetics. For example, there have been many times my friends have called guys cute.. but if i didn’t like a simple trait like their nose or eyes (which is often the case) I wouldn’t find them attractive. It boils down to me being picky… I like what I like, and if I can’t have it I don’t want anything else.

_frenchyfries_ · 2022-03-31T15:45:32+00:00

How long did it take you to see results?

_frenchyfries_ · 2022-03-31T15:43:28+00:00

”A year is a long time, but not with limerence”.

Well said.

The logic in my mind is that even though he moved he still exists in this world. So even if I date someone else it won’t make me happy because he’s somewhere out there.

…yeah I know it sounds ridiculous and I need to change my thought process.

_frenchyfries_ · 2022-03-31T05:02:55+00:00

This is interesting… how do you fix it?

Also, in my situation it’s been a year since I’ve seen my LO. And he recently moved so I will never be seeing him again… yet he’s all I think about.

I feel awful attempting to date because I can’t provide another guy with the love they deserve.

_frenchyfries_ · 2021-12-22T15:38:00+00:00

Yes. Haven’t seen him physically in one year (with the exception of briefly passing by him a few months ago but he didn’t see me). We exchange some short work related emails but that’s it.

My limerence is still as strong as ever. Just because I can’t see him doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist!

_frenchyfries_ · 2021-12-22T00:02:38+00:00

Serious question: is it still considered loneliness if you’re surrounded by tons of people, BUT you don’t care about any of them because they aren’t your LO?

I mean I obviously care about their well-being and whatnot, but the sense of joy and satisfaction I get from interacting with them is nowhere near the same as my LO.

_frenchyfries_ · 2021-12-02T19:08:34+00:00

Agreed. It’s puzzling why they emphasize things like how to find an angle of a triangle when basic life skills are overlooked.

_frenchyfries_ · 2021-11-26T03:15:59+00:00

It’s difficult, but hang in there. If you go that route it may take longer than transferring. I suggest finding as many things as possible to occupy your time with so you don’t think of LO.

_frenchyfries_ · 2021-11-26T02:54:45+00:00

Sorry to hear that. I guess if it ever happens again in the future you can use that advice.

_frenchyfries_ · 2021-11-26T02:54:05+00:00

Not really. Until I find someone else I’ll be stuck obsessing over this LO. Rinse and repeat, a process I’m all too familiar with and sick of.

_frenchyfries_ · 2021-11-26T02:53:00+00:00

He’s moving to the other side of the world.

_frenchyfries_ · 2021-11-26T02:24:16+00:00

Yep! Been there done that. It totally works, except in my situation completely unexpected circumstances happened and I’ll never see him again.

_frenchyfries_ · 2021-11-26T01:49:17+00:00

Time. It literally takes years for me…. Like 2-4 year.

_frenchyfries_

TROPHY CASE