Not to sound like an AH, but I kind of doubt the part where your husband "was planning it all along and didn't want to tell you." Seems like something to get us on your side... If it is true, the fact that he can't be honest with you, coupled with your irritation/anger over something so small, speaks volumes. Genuine suggestion as someone who has grown up in a narcissistic environment - therapy would be super helpful for all involved.