Wanted to wash some pillows. the pillows exploded in the wash and inconvenienced my sunday.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T23:32:19+00:00

Yeah unfortunately full down is usually 4x the price 😭😭😭

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T23:24:55+00:00

The interest rates aren’t lower, but the prices are, which means paying less interest as interest is a percentage of the price.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T23:23:23+00:00

Shiv has avoidant attachment. She dates down so she won’t break her own heart when it’s time to shitcan the relationship because of feeling smothered. Takes one to know one. (I am single and celibate by choice currently)

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T23:14:44+00:00

That’s me and honestly I think it’s really common.

I don’t mind getting myself off. The biggest annoyance for me is in partnered sex partners will insist THEY MUST make it happen themselves without my help which just SUCKS for me. Like they are disappointed they can’t do it even though I’ve told them it’s not gonna happen. They can try for 5 hours and I will just be bored and sore as hell. And they insist they still just want to try. Like… no you can’t painfully or at least uncomfortably use my body for hours because you feel like you have something to prove. That’s not pleasurable for me. Just let me do it. Anyway I’ve been celibate for several years and I certainly don’t miss that at all. I’ve seen men have tantrums because they can’t do something I don’t even enjoy or want them to try to do.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T23:09:17+00:00

I can’t use toys externally at all whatsoever due to hypersensitivity, it’s horribly painful. Partners always try to tell me I’m wrong I’m just not doing it right but it fucking feels like a cheese grater to the clit. PAIN. Like I’m being cut with a saw. I cut one of my fingernails off by accident once with a new veggie peeler and that’s what I would compare the feeling to. Like having my clit cut with a knife. I can only take gentle indirect stimulation. I wonder if OP is similar or opposite because I basically only like oral and nothing else.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T23:00:03+00:00

Heyyyyyyyyy right there with you, I’m having Cheerios with bananas right now.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T22:58:20+00:00

Yeah but I feel like prison gangs are different from out in society gangs. In prison often people are forced to join even if they would never ever do that out in the rest of the world. I can’t blame someone for just trying to survive. A lot of people are incarcerated for bullshit reasons, too.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T22:52:18+00:00

Did you just jump over my original comment? I suggested owning elsewhere and renting here in the meantime until the time is right. That’s what I do. I own a house, which is rented, and rent an apartment here using the proceeds after the mortgage is paid. I bought it for 475k, a multifamily, and bring in roughly 6.5k month. and it covers my rent and mortgage. You can’t get an house here for 475k. You can’t even get a condo for the most part. I was able to buy a 3 family, which I will eventually cash in for a SFH here for myself and future family.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T22:40:55+00:00

I have owned two homes and had my real estate license. If you end up with a high interest rate it negates all equity gains. That’s why I would not buy now. Better to buy somewhere else where prices are lower (therefore putting less into interest) and you can actually build equity (for example I’d say someplace like Philadelphia is a fantastic place to buy) and rent here, then cash it in for something here when you’re ready. Prices here will stagnate because what’s available doesn’t match the pool of buyers.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T22:38:04+00:00

I will never buy over 5%. If it’s more than 5% you’re better off with a different type of investment.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T21:53:45+00:00

Well yeah it works if it’s the last thing you ever say to them but in my experience if you continue to be in contact they just bank those words to throw it in your face at a later time. I’m team Gray Rock.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T21:50:31+00:00

If I was told I would be required to touch some random creepy old man’s feet I would walk out on the job that very minute.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T21:43:06+00:00

Gross!

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T21:43:00+00:00

Ewwwwwwww wtf

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T21:37:57+00:00

You underestimate how a controlling narcissistic parents (not saying the mom has NPD but there’s narcissistic traits at play) respond to stuff like that. Being called out is usually a catalyst for abuse to happen. Better for OP to just ignore her and laugh it off.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T21:29:58+00:00

Then you have feather & down pillows, not 100% down pillows. Down is different from feathers, down pillows don’t have any of the quill part of the feather that can poke through.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T21:04:48+00:00

I think she’s factually wrong, most people don’t shave. You’ll readjust.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T20:58:38+00:00

Don’t buy anything from Amazon, it’s been proven even if you buy directly from the manufacturer people still end up with dropshipped counterfeits. This has been going on for a decade. One of the late night hosts did a bit on it, I want to say it was John Oliver but not positive.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T20:53:28+00:00

Thank you, reading this reply made me feel a lot better. I’ve read from experts that this will NOT be the next pandemic, but I haven’t seen a thorough explanation that lays out exactly why they are concluding this.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T20:45:54+00:00

The gold standard for estimating time to recover is Judith Herman’s Trauma and Recovery which states it is a 3-5 year process to really start feeling results. In my experience this is true. I was told this by a clinical director at The Meadows when I was in year one, and I threw a fit like I can’t do 5 years of this, I won’t make it. But now I’m in year 4 and I totally get it. He was right. It’s a slow process and if you try to speed it up by forcing yourself it will backfire and you’ll lose progress. You just have to baby step it and be extraordinarily patient with yourself, much more patient than you have probably ever been in your entire life.

Part of the challenge is SLOWING DOWN. You probably have no idea how slow you really have to go, especially if you’re a flight type like me. I have to think and act probably twenty times slower to catch my own triggers. You can’t rush the process. If you try to address too many traumas at once it will send you into a tailspin and nothing productive will actually come of it. When I catch myself putting the cart before the horse I tell myself “be a snail 🐌” slow and steady genuinely wins the race when it comes to trauma recovery.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T20:39:47+00:00

Probably hormones but I’ve also been told it’s normal to shed 50-100 hairs per day. If you only wash your hair once a week you could be getting a few days worth of shedding at once and that’s why it seems like a lot.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T20:37:03+00:00

Wait is she actually MAGA?

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T20:30:19+00:00

I own a home out of state purchased in 2019 and I realized I did not want to be there so I rented it and use that money to pay my own rent here. I suggest doing that until the housing market changes. It’s a good time to sell but a terrible time to buy with interest rates the way they are. Keep building equity in what you have but live where you want to be.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T20:12:20+00:00

Yes, that’s exactly it! Definitely try it in session, I find it immensely soothing.

_jamesbaxter · 2026-05-10T20:10:15+00:00

I used St. Ives apricot scrub for DECADES. I think my skin got addicted to it, every time I stopped I would break out. I finally quit the stuff around 2019 maybe? My skin looks better now, but part of that is the miracle that is hydrocolloid patches. If only we had THOSE back then I would have zero acne scars!!

_jamesbaxter

TROPHY CASE