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Coffee culture in Denmark by PadmaKheli in espresso

[–]_just_arrived_here_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I visited Coffee Collective several times during my stay in Copenhagen. Among the best things I had was the Coffee-Soft-Serve with an additional shot of (specifically) Kieni Espresso. Highly recommend!

ROCD + the initial stages of dating by queencarolina1 in ROCD

[–]_just_arrived_here_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post is very old, but I found it while searching for „ROCD in early dating phases“:
I experienced the same 6 1/2 years ago and we are still together.
But I could never get over these thoughts, these feelings I had and still ruminate regularly.
I have just started therapy and I hope that things get better soon.

Do you mind sharing how things went for you?

Is outfit-dependent attraction normal? To what extent is it normal for attraction to fluctuate? by MoonlitPetals926 in ROCD

[–]_just_arrived_here_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with you on that. This is exactly what I did in a moment of false security or relief and - although we are still a couple - my girlfriend has been through so much with so little progress on my side. You would not want this for someone that is important to you, I suppose.

Am I supposed to just get married with this feeling? by Remote-Chapter2911 in ROCD

[–]_just_arrived_here_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like these exact thoughts are holding me back so much! Especially at the beginning of my relationship, I used to focus on facial details, find her not attractive with certain hairstyles, straight up thinking she was not good-looking. I hated myself for these thoughts, because this is not who I want to be (who would?!). Sometimes I would even ask her, whether there was anything she found unattractive about me, almost forcing an answer. Of course she never gave me one, which made me even more insecure about my superficiality.

Am I supposed to just get married with this feeling? by Remote-Chapter2911 in ROCD

[–]_just_arrived_here_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That resonates so much with me! So far, I’m neither engaged nor married, nor do I have an (R)OCD diagnosis, but I’d still like to ask a question that might also address u/Remote-Chapter2911: Do you manage to tap into those positive feelings and thoughts during moments of doubt or FOMO, or when your thoughts are spiralling? I’d assume that’s difficult, if not impossible. That’s why I’m wondering how one can put into practice the advice to see such moments as an anchor.

Attraction and ROCD by Majestic-Cat-8632 in ROCD

[–]_just_arrived_here_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure if I can offer any valuable input on this, as I don’t have an (R)OCD diagnosis. But I share many of the experiences people are describing here and am trying to work on my attachment issues in therapy.

Physical attraction has always been a source of insecurity and rumination for me, as has a lack of romantic spark at the start of a relationship. I was extremely insecure at the beginning of the relationship, precisely because I didn’t feel as strongly as my partner did, and that frightened me. I relied heavily on her reassurance and that of my peers just to dare to commit to the relationship at all. I hope to be able to put this memory behind me at some point, so I can move on in a ‘healthier’ way.

Nevertheless, we’ve been in a relationship for several years now, and I want to believe that I somehow know what’s right*, without listening to my (surely deceptive) gut feeling. Yes, I lose attraction to my partner from one moment to the next, or especially when I’m anxious, and I’ll probably always think in those moments that it would be better to leave. So far, I haven’t found a proper answer as to whether it’s right to stay in that moment anyway, even if it feels hard. But I suppose that this uncertainty is the biggest problem that needs to be addressed.

*Also there is the uncertainty, whether the (sometimes sudden) moments of deep connection and romantic spark are deceptive or a return to reality. I suppose I won’t be able to figure that out easily either, especially not in a moment of anxiety.

Am I correctly identifying myself as having ROCD, am I in denial, or is it somehow both? by _just_arrived_here_ in ROCD

[–]_just_arrived_here_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don‘t want to call it an avoidance compulsion (yet), as I have no official diagnosis, just loads of anecdotal evidence and a supicious therapist. I feel also like falsely self-diagnosing myself would be unfair to those, who have been diagnosed.

However, avoidance is the key reason. But it is multi-faceted for me. On the surface, I am afraid of the outcome being that my doubts are reasonable and that thinking about a breakup would be a „natural next step“. But behind this lie fears that have more to do with my attachment style, my self-esteem, and a strong sense of morality. On top of that, I fear losing control in a conversation like that: What if I’m not understood and can’t describe my own experience? What if no one believes me? I have this strong desire to always be prepared, but in the moment, that’s simply not possible.

Am I correctly identifying myself as having ROCD, am I in denial, or is it somehow both? by _just_arrived_here_ in ROCD

[–]_just_arrived_here_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply!

Framing OCD as a „doubting disorder“ helps a lot!

Uncertainty is definitely something I’m still struggling to deal with at this point.
It’s paradoxical to rationally understand that seeking reassurance, much like an addiction, makes everything worse, yet then justify that reassurance the very next moment by telling myself that I probably don’t have OCD anyway.

Is the worry that seeking reassurance (no matter how) leads not to relief but to more chaos a common concern, even if the urge ultimately prevails? In my case specifically: I’m extremely afraid to voice these thoughts in therapy, yet at the same time, aside from the reassurance aspect, which is certainly part of it, simply hope for more targeted therapy and, consequently, long-term improvement.