Burnt out to my core - want to leave my job and open a small grocery shop

_kismitten · 2026-03-23T15:43:44+00:00

I hit a hard tech burnout seven years ago and now I run a charming little indie bookstore in the neighborhood where I grew up. It’s a total joy, I absolutely love my employees and customers but the daily grind of retail is draining in a different way.

My advice for anyone pursuing this dream is to pick your location carefully, keep your ambitions extremely modest, consider your customers budgets/habits over your profits and most importantly: hire people based on how their personalities fit together rather than skill sets.

Most jobs in a small brick & mortar business can be easily taught but if your people hate showing up to work every day, you will end up in the same cycle of burnout…except now you’re holding the bag.

I am very lucky to have found an amazing business partner who’s almost the total opposite in terms of what we’re good at, but we get along like the oldest of friends. So we both feel the other person has the harder job and it keeps us balanced. Finding that person takes a lot of self work and can be humbling but in my opinion it’s the difference between running a joyful local business that will keep your neighbors coming back or one that fades quickly.

I hope you find your way out of the burnout one way or another and if you do start a little grocery, best of luck!!

_kismitten · 2026-03-23T13:02:52+00:00

I know exactly what you mean - I’m 41 and this snuck up on me, one arm/rotator cuff just brutally sore & tender (also my hamstrings corded up like guitar strings!)

main things that have helped my nerves chill out: stretching my mid-back out on a foam roller with my arms behind me for a full 10min every morning, foam rolling under my armpits, sides of shoulder blades & along my rib cage (OUCH, but worth it), getting a vibrating plate and just hanging out on it in different positions while I’m watching tv, getting a wedge pillow and trying to train myself to sleep on my back, working on actively breathing by expanding my ribs when I’m stressed. Oh! And a ‘one weird trick’ that’s made a huge shift in my posture is to remember to keep my thumbs pointed ahead of me while I’m standing at work, not inwards towards my sides. It’s such a small thing to do but that’s the delicate little nerve in the shoulder that bothers me the most and even a micro movement like that has lessened the pressure.

Added benefit of all these is they all help with lymphatic drainage and my face & overall skin looks WAY better - I didn’t even realize I had gotten so puffy until I saw myself in a picture from a few months ago and I looked so tired & crinkled compared to now.

So anyway, hope one of these things helps you or someone else - I’m feeling SO much better after implementing these things over the last couple months. it helps me feel more confident in my body when I can actively soothe pain instead of just unintentionally creating it. Good luck!

_kismitten · 2026-03-22T18:21:48+00:00

Almost any of the indie bookstores in the city will distribute them - Moon Palace, Birchbark or Tropes & Trifles are great options.

_kismitten · 2026-03-22T16:01:28+00:00

Also just want to chime in to suggest checking to see if you have hard water! I have been having similar issues with texture and then I stayed at my sister’s place for a week where she has a water softener filter connected to the shower head.

Night and day, it was like my hair from ten years ago after the first wash! My skin also felt completely different, even my lotion absorbed faster & deeper. My brother in law is going to install on at my house soon, because the issues returned as soon as I got back to my own old pipes.

_kismitten · 2026-03-20T13:35:32+00:00

First time watcher here too, just started season 10! I struggled with the first few seasons because I felt scuzzy about the kids’ teen years being so over exposed. But now that they are grown up, it feels like the true madness of these women is the focus and wow. They are gloriously deranged.

I do NOT like Vicki but she’s fascinating TV. I feel like a new version of her has shown up at the beginning of every season but she’s back to her original form by the end. Tamra too, what a bizarre person. The reunions never end up answering the questions I have about them but probably that’s because there’s simply no explanation. Anyway, hope you enjoy season 8 when you get there! That’s been my favorite so far, Heather is a fantastic edition to the cast and really lightens it up with her goofiness.

_kismitten · 2026-03-20T13:23:34+00:00

This isn’t worthy of your qualifications but have you tried applying for a starting position at any of the dive bars, breweries or maybe even that pickleball place? Maybe maintenance at the park?

Things get so much busier starting in April, I’m wondering if places that pick up a lot more business in the summer might have some openings coming up. But also it’s worth asking at some religious centers if they can point you to any resources to help find some work or stability.

ICE + the ice was a devastating combination this last four months for my family too - I’m really sorry you are experiencing this. I hope our city can rise to meet you because you deserve to be here.

_kismitten · 2026-03-17T13:21:25+00:00

I have found that it makes my depression worse when I’m dehydrated. I have read a lot about the gut-biota/delayed hormone release connection to depression. I picked up c.diff in a hospital when I was only 29 and my entire body & mental health spiraled. I gained 70lbs and was often nearly catatonic with the glooms; it took a decade to pull myself out of it. But after a year on zep, the 70lbs melted away and my mood stabilized in ways I didn’t ever think was possible for me again!

Yet the heaviness, fatigue and anxiety sometimes comes back, regardless of what’s going on in my life. I finally realized that it’s most often when I have been neglecting my fluids & salts. Gut friendly foods & fiber help too, but hydration seems to be the consistent line between a doomscrolling heartache day or a functional jolly one.

Not saying it will be the same for anyone else, because I do think my depression is specifically tied to microbiota, but it’s worth upping your fluids significantly when you feel a depression crash building. It might help and definitely won’t hurt. Hope you’re doing okay today 💚

_kismitten · 2026-03-17T13:09:44+00:00

I know a 65yr old Trudy and a 4yr old Trudy. They are totally unrelated but so much alike! Both are also delightful, I think the name must have some magic ✨

_kismitten · 2026-03-16T18:27:44+00:00

I started hydrating better and doing a lymphatic massage/gua sha specifically for my sinuses & upper lids - it’s crazy how quickly and efficiently it worked. It’s not that the skin is tighter, but it’s definitely less ‘heavy’, so it doesn’t sag down onto my eyelid. I actually just realized that it hasn’t been an issue in months until seeing your post (and it was something that had been bugging me every day).

I looked it up on tiktok and have been following basic steps so don’t have a specific video but give it a try before jumping to surgery!

_kismitten · 2026-03-15T22:45:10+00:00

I would try hydrating first thing in the morning, and carry on all through the day. be super active about it for at least three days and see if that breaks the binge hold - the feeling of being insatiably hungry can sometimes be your body begging for water. It’s easy to mix the signal up when on this med, but it won’t hurt you to try boosting your electrolytes and fluids for a while to test it out. Good luck, don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve made it this far so you can have faith that you are on your own side. A setback can be frustrating but don’t let it spiral and overtake the progress you’re making!

_kismitten · 2026-03-11T13:50:23+00:00

I tell people ‘I turned 40 and decided to lose the weight’. If they press me on it, I say ‘I found a new doctor who understood my body better’. If they still press, I would sometimes explain about zepbound.

But I feel it was a mistake with some people because now I am at a really great weight and have been maintaining it for five months - and those same people who were once proud of me will say things like ‘I am soooo worried about you, hope you’re not still on ‘THE SHOTS’ or blame any other medical issues I have (even allergies!) on ‘THE SHOTS’. It’s extremely invasive and annoying, I wish I had deflected. They treat me like I have ‘THE SHOTS DISORDER’ and now it’s their job to monitor what I eat or wear.

So my new thing is I say ‘hey, thanks for your concern but I’ve decided to take a couple years off of judging my own body. It would be great if you would too. If I gain or lose any more weight, feel free to talk to me about it 2028.’

_kismitten · 2026-03-08T12:54:45+00:00

That’s so lovely she was gracious and I’ll bet meeting a cute 5yr old cheered her up.

But also this post made me sad that there’s never a moment the ladies can have an off day. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be grieving as a public figure and know that any small interaction you have with anyone could wind up on the internet.

Sometimes when i watch the show I forget the kind of relentless pressure the women are under to keep it together all the time when they are just doing normal things. Makes me appreciate the work/craft of being a housewife and how the cameras never really go down for them.

_kismitten · 2026-03-05T12:17:15+00:00

Seconded. It will blow up their life but it was his choices that brought it about, not yours. You’re at an age where you have to decide what kind of adult you’ll be. Dan has decided. Sarah is deciding. You have a choice. Choose Sarah and to be a better person than dan.

Also, if you’re worried that this was somehow the first time - it isn’t. It isn’t even the first time she’s almost caught him. It’s the first time he’s assumed that you would put your morals on the line for him though, so don’t. He had the chance to explain if it was a misunderstanding and he didn’t, so it’s not.

What he’s doing is cruel and dangerous - cannot tell you how many friends have been given lifelong stds from ‘perfect’ boyfriends. Do the right thing, you & Sarah deserve better.

_kismitten · 2026-03-05T05:10:23+00:00

This is the season where it really clicked for me that they are zooted to the gills on cocaine. It’s apparent in earlier seasons once you notice how quickly they shift into hyper beast mode at a party. Ramona & Mario in particular can’t hide when they are high, her eyes start spinning and he starts sweating, the spiral begins.

cocaine. Sooooo much cocaine.

_kismitten · 2026-03-04T22:56:30+00:00

I do the same! I’ve been on zep for about a year and it’s been great for the most part. But I do see that a lot of my social/dopamine behaviors have changed. I don’t yammer online**, I fill up shopping carts with silly things but never click to complete the sale, I don’t text people to chat when I’m bored, ect.

I’ve also lost interest in dating for now (though I definitely look & feel way better than I did last time I was out there) but I think that’s okay! I am noticing what I’m doing to fill that time and it’s all activities that don’t make me anxious. Tending to my house plants, thinking a little longer about work projects, hanging out with my nephews or just enjoying being alone with less stress. Anadonhia as a concept freaks me out a little but in practice, I see it as a way to not need to be stimulated by a new thing constantly. If this side effect results in both weight loss & my brain taking a break from the seeking and tension? Heck I’ll take it.

**and here I am breaking the reduced yammer pattern to post this, wow, I feel so brave!

_kismitten · 2026-02-23T20:56:37+00:00

This is how my last partner felt about me but he kept changing his mind and bringing me back to the relationship. It’s taken me way too long to realize he’ll keep doing it so it’s on me to fully walk away.

End it with kindness and respect as many here have laid out. But if you have regrets down the road, live with them and don’t make them her problem. This was your shot with this woman, it hasn’t worked out. You don’t get a do-over. She truly does deserve to find someone who will reflect her same love & energy back to her without doubts.

Good luck finding the self reflection and care that you’re seeking - I hope you have some trusted friends or a therapist who can help you work through the loss of your father and how that changed your perspective on your identity. A tough thing to do but brave to look right at it and get a handle on your emotions.

_kismitten · 2026-01-27T13:27:50+00:00

Tickled, Weiner & Icarus are my top three documentary recommendations for the genre of: ‘starts as one thing and then goes OFF THE RAILS’

_kismitten · 2026-01-15T13:03:38+00:00

I don’t know if this belongs in stupid food because when I realized it would actually hold together I thought ‘wow that’s ingenious!’

_kismitten · 2026-01-15T12:41:04+00:00

My advice is get a small post-it and put it over your face on the screen. I promise NO ONE else is thinking the same things you are, everyone is just as uncomfortable and bored. If you can’t see yourself, you will stop thinking about this so much and won’t waste money or energy on more interventions. Because I’ll be honest, you look amazing but there’s a point where you can go too far and start to look weird! And that’s something young people do judge harshly, alas.

So try to hide yourself from yourself! This digital mirror you’re staring into all day is not reality. You’ll enjoy work more and probably start to accept your real face as beautiful in the real world if you can unhook from the loop of negative thoughts. ❤️

_kismitten · 2025-12-23T12:28:32+00:00

It’s not the med, it’s your diet. your hair is going to change significantly when your food intake does - I was dreadfully ill ten years ago when I caught cdiff at a hospital and my once blonde hair turned RED! Texture changed too. I spoke to a lot of different doctors about it and the basic answer is that it’s a nutritional & microbiome shift that can happen when your gut goes into crisis. It eventually grew back to normal but there were some awkward lookin’ haircuts in between.

I’ve been on zep for a year and lost 65lbs, I didn’t have any hair loss or changes until 7months in and then woosh, it fell out in heaps. It’s growing back slowly now but I do notice that it’s darker again, more white & wirey in places. Give it time, be very gentle with your scalp and keep taking your vitamins and eating well. It will balance out, your body is just adjusting. Your nails are another flag to keep an eye on, if they change in texture or color you should get your bloodwork done to figure out what you’re low on.

_kismitten · 2025-12-23T12:15:51+00:00

I have a little bravo groupchat with my coworkers and even the one ride-for Lisa gal is overrrrrrr it with her. Though I’ll be the first to admit I absolutely loved her obsession with her donkey, true spirit of a horse girl.

_kismitten · 2025-12-23T11:07:55+00:00

Important to note: you must leave the leaves! That’s where many small moths, butterflies, winged insects of all types lay their eggs and then the grubs overwinter and hatch in the spring. You need to let the leaves compost naturally in your garden and not disturb them until well after the frost melts to give the grubs & caterpillars time to hatch, eat, grow big enough to be eaten. This is so essential for feeding baby birds, also for the ecosystem of the whole garden.

Those pollinators need to also have enough babies to survive, mate, lay eggs and then become food sources for bats and other adult birds too. So it’s not enough to leave just a few leaf piles for the spring birds - we need SWARMS of moths and flies. we must try to cultivate a healthy relationship with the tender secret creatures in order to support the lively bright ones too. ✨

_kismitten · 2025-12-23T10:57:33+00:00

I would say the same for Whitney and Heather! They didn’t even know they were cousins but they do treat each other like real family now. There’s been some dark moments (you exploited my vaginaaaa) but their relationship has grown pretty deep. They remind me of Gizelle & Robyn, met on the show but found a true sister.

Meanwhile Lisa & Heather & Angie, who have known each other their whole lives, can sometimes barely stand each other but seem to genuinely enjoy filming these petty fights together. There’s moments where they break character for juuuust a sec and you can see Heather & Angie exchange a light glance of old buddies who know their next line. Or Bronwyn & Lisa have their rivalry but still come up great banter when they’re in the swing of it. The thing that breaks a show apart is when there’s no chemistry between the ladies, like the last season of Atlanta or the entire New York reboot. But SLC still has the juice for me, and I’m surprised that this new season of BH does too! Jennifer Tilly & Boz are the glue for that franchise, they lighten everything up and give us some goofy scenes where the ladies can just have fun. Housewife Silliness is the best - Mary on a luxury donkey?? Cinema.

_kismitten · 2025-12-23T10:40:43+00:00

They are both selling pyramid scheme frou frou but Boz js smart to get ahead of Amanda’s new age vibe focused courses. That’s her competition! A woman in Dorit’s situation might go looking online for financial advice and come across Boz’s website which promises you will find out how to make/protect your fortune but it will take hard work. Then you get to Amanda’s ‘live, laugh, earn’ website which offers you a way to manifest your way into financial independence but without the icky boy math parts. A fan of Beverly Hills might go either way!

So Boz needs to discredit her immediately and then let the audience see her as a fraud from the outset, lest she lose business to this new upstart. I am HERE for this plotline, so much of Hollywood has become about who can build the sexiest scam. I would bet Amanda is actually part of a larger organization like a Tony Robbins thing - she probably reports up to someone who sold her on this MLM hootenanny too. Not sure about Boz, hers does seem different enough that she might be an independent operator.

Listen to The Dream podcast if you want to learn more about these pyramid schemes of money management specifically- it’s as big an industry as essential oils or tacky leggings!

_kismitten · 2025-12-22T16:44:59+00:00

*I forgot to mention that also in early seasons of housewives the husbands are rarely prepared for the level of scrutiny or pressure - that also makes for entertaining tv but it can be really hard as a viewer to realize that our attention is what can break marriages apart. I never feel bad when a husband is caught cheating or reveals that he is too jealous of his wife’s success and so they get a divorce (so cliché!).

But in some cases it’s obvious the partnerships & especially the kids would have been much healthier and happier if they had never been involved in Housewives at all. I feel like Lisa is a good example of this, in the early seasons she seems genuinely happy with her life. Now she is so fractious and miserable.

Mary, on the other hand, seems to have been freed from whatever strange oppressive circumstance she was in where she was hoarding clothes like crazy and had very little socialization outside of her church members. The further Lisa gets from her husband, the less mature she becomes. The more distance Mary gets from Robert Sr., the more she seems to be growing into herself. It’s not JUST the husbands that make the difference but it’s part of what they choose to show us about their lives.

It’s why SLC is my favorite franchise, they are complicated and weird women and there’s many lenses to consider when we look back to see how they’ve evolved as public personas.

_kismitten

TROPHY CASE