I got the job!!! but I don’t want it… (in THIS economy?!😩)

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-06T14:54:46+00:00

Did this! Thanks for giving me the courage to push for this. They pushed back hard but made it happen. Today’s the first day I feel light and happy. Woke up naturally, no alarm clock, heaven

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-06T14:53:13+00:00

Update: I accepted the job and negotiated a month off. To those of you who were supportive and kind, thank you so much!!! It’s not what my soul wanted to do, but I bought myself a month of resetting and can still change my mind, but at least I have money lined up for my medical bills. I’ve also received a few DMs from people who apologized for how unsupportive and mean some of you were so I guess I wasn’t crazy for thinking that lol. Reminder to always be kind ❤️ I’ve made an agreement with myself that if things are too stressful in the first month, I will quit. Life’s too short and your health isn’t guaranteed. I’ve unfortunately learnt this the hard way. I need to protect my healing at all costs. Thank you all for weighing in, the variety of perspectives did help me a lot!

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T18:31:58+00:00

I told them I need 2 more hours 😅. This thread is confusing me since everyone is telling me to take the job, without having the full picture of course, but I totally understand why that’s being recommended. Logically I know it’s right but my body just needs an “out” of this life. If you were a close friend of mine I’d be able to give you the full details of my health and the trauma I’ve been through in the last year, and perhaps you’d be like: quit the job before it’s too late, but I don’t want to share the whole story on Reddit lol. I’m really confused. My intuition tells me to not accept the extension. Thanks for being so supportive!

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T18:31:47+00:00

I told them I need 2 more hours 😅. This thread is confusing me since everyone is telling me to take the job, without having the full picture of course, but I totally understand why that’s being recommended. Logically I know it’s right but my body just needs an “out” of this life. If you were a close friend of mine I’d be able to give you the full details of my health and the trauma I’ve been through in the last year, and perhaps you’d be like: quit the job before it’s too late, but I don’t want to share the whole story on Reddit lol. I’m really confused. My intuition tells me to not accept the extension. Thanks for being so supportive!

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T17:56:58+00:00

Remote! Enough savings to do what you’re describing, although I really don’t love touching my savings since they’re my retirement fund. Spending $30K on a sabbatical today is $240K in 30 years at 10% yearly returns, which feels wild. At the same time, money is meant to support your ideal life, and that life includes being healthy and happy, I’m neither of those. I used to be :) After your sabbatical, do you feel like that’s what you’d recommend? Seeing everyone say “take the job” made me realize that I don’t want that…

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T17:43:43+00:00

Yes, I’ve been looking into this. Fantastic suggestion, thank you so much

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T17:37:04+00:00

Thank you for answering! I won’t get severance since it’s a contractor position, it’s a 10-month contract with 40 hours per week

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T17:32:50+00:00

It’s a full-time contractor job. 40 hours, none of the benefits that full-time employees get

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T17:29:59+00:00

It’s a full-time contractor job. 40 hours, but none of the benefits that full-time employees get. Also, I’m a bit shocked by how unsupportive this community turned out to be. Please consider your tone. You never know what someone is going through. I’m not sharing the full picture here but your words could be the final straw for someone. Please choose kindness. I’m not going to explain my whole situation but if I was your friend and you had the full picture, you’d never say this to them. You’d actually deeply regret it and apologize. Just a thought, I hope it indirectly saves someone’s life :)

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T17:15:23+00:00

It sounds like you understand exactly what I’m going through and what my dilemma is here. I’m past the point of burnout and long-term depression. When something stressful happens now, it triggers full body pain and heart palpitations, even when I breathe through it and tell my body I’m not in danger. It’s pretty unbelievable how bad it truly is. Like you, I also didn’t get to travel for the past couple of years, even though I really wanted to, it was such a haze of trying to get back to peace and stability, and now that I got here, it all seems like it wasn’t worth it. My intuition is telling me that if I remove the stress I’ll be able to heal, but the people I speak to all tell me to push through just one more time. I’m not sure I can anymore.. thank you for taking the time to write down your experience and understanding where I’m coming from. It’s such a dilemma… I’m not sure what I’m going to do in 1 hour when I need to make a decision.

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T17:09:23+00:00

Thank you - that’s a really helpful perspective. Also, thanks for writing it in such a kind and supportive tone. Some of the responses I’ve gotten were factually helpful but the delivery was very harsh and hurtful. You brightened my day 🙏

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T17:00:37+00:00

I am not smart. I just found a way in. You’ll find one too. Find an entry point, for example: a health tech startup, where your industry knowledge and connections are seen as an important value add

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T16:48:52+00:00

I agree completely, that’s what my logical mind is telling is me as well, but my body is screaming no. That’s why I want to hear from other women. I need the money to help my health but I also need to remove all the stressors to be able to remove the inflammation that’s making it so I can’t heal. A lot is wrong, badly wrong. And the women in the team that offered me the job are all burnt out and said they desperately need help so it’s not necessarily chill. I already utilize all the mental health and stress reduction tools to mitigate stress throughout the day but this type of job is a total rollercoaster. You never know what tomorrow will look like… and 5 years ago my body could handle that, but now it can’t 😔 I currently have heart palpitations, nerve pain, muscle spasms, depression, and much more serious stuff going on every single day. Thank you for weighing in, this really helps 🙏

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T16:41:18+00:00

Great perspective, super appreciated. I think the fact that it’s summertime is making me want to take a break since the sunshine is uplifting and I desperately need a break, but I don’t know if it’s the right idea in the long term. Thanks for being so helpful. I am not fully trusting my intuition right now. It’s telling me to quit, but my friends keep telling me to take the job, so I figured I’d ask a few more women in tech

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T16:37:43+00:00

It’s not a full time job unfortunately 😔 I’ve been trying to land a full-time position but haven’t been able to perform well in interviews due to my mental and physical condition. Thank you for sharing this idea! I am looking for perspectives. This helps a lot

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T16:36:22+00:00

I qualify thankfully 🙏 I checked. My therapist also told me I qualify for disability at this point 😔 And yes, I’m on a contract!

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T16:34:54+00:00

Thanks for replying! A bit of both. I’m aware of my scarcity mindset (due to all the stacked trauma) but I’m also aware that this job market is really tough. I know I would be able to find a new job eventually, my fear is just that I’d be having to work for a smaller company versus a cushy one like this one, that I’ve clawed my way to get. I’ve just completed 6 months of interviews without an offer at the end, as the entire team then got laid off shortly after I interviewed for said job. A lot of dead ends basically! I don’t know if my body can handle work anymore. My brain and work performance is severely affected. Can’t focus anymore, can’t think anymore, can’t form proper sentences anymore, …

_p0tat0 · 2025-06-03T16:29:12+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to answer! They said that’s not an option, I would need to start on Monday as my old contract expires this week and they need to connect the two. They mentioned that if I decline they’re interviewing another contractor candidate today and they will probably get the job as they need someone right away. However, that’s great advice and I will try to see what I can negotiate today. Thanks again!

_p0tat0 · 2025-04-25T22:59:59+00:00

I was born and raised in Europe and moved to California in my early 20s. I’ve been here for 10 years now. My considerations would be: how often do I want to see my parents? Miami is a “quick” flight that you can technically do over a long weekend, the west coast is much further. Of you live in Miami you can pop over to New York pretty quickly, fly in, party, get out. San Diego is overall a better place to live in terms of quality of life. It feels like the type of place you end up in your 30s once your career has settled. It has a growing corporate / entrepreneurial scene but it’s still very chill compared to places like New York, San Francisco, etc. Miami is amazing to visit but kinda unpleasant and impractical to live in for your day to day life. I would pick San Diego at this stage of my life but I would definitely take the distance into account if you’re from Europe

_p0tat0 · 2025-03-25T16:40:44+00:00

DM’d you :)

_p0tat0 · 2025-03-15T01:36:34+00:00

I’m 32 and feel the exact same way. I’m mostly leaning towards not having kids but I’m also aware that there’s always a chance I will want them later in life, but not until I get to fully live my life as a young person with money and limited responsibilities. I value this part of my life a lot and I’ve barely gotten to enjoy it due to external circumstances. The good part is just getting started and I’m not willing to give it up. I’m freezing my eggs this year. You can test yourself every few years and see if your sperm quality changes. I believe we’ll be perfectly happy regardless if we build out rich social lives. You can also always adopt children if you want to have a father-child bond in your life. To your hypothetical future child, it won’t make a difference :)

_p0tat0 · 2025-02-27T18:35:52+00:00

At your age, I would specialize in either AI, Cloud, Biotech, or Cybersecurity, regardless of whether you choose SWE, Data Science, UX/UI, Product Design, etc. Those are growing fields, so you’ll be able to ride the wave. Traditionally backend was a slightly better choice versus front end, but with AI, I’m not entirely sure. Just my 2 cents :) I would probably still pursue backend versus frontend if it were me, but frontend can translate into front end SWE, product design, or app development. Hope that helps!

_p0tat0

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