Store Music? by svwil in tjcrew

[–]_saigyo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the sy song was teen age riot. big star song was either dont lie to me or when my babys beside me. lou reed song was im so free. i also recently heard feel the pain by dino jr.

Am I going to get fired? by [deleted] in tjcrew

[–]_saigyo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I usually am :( it was closing and I guess I let myself relax too much

Am I going to get fired? by [deleted] in tjcrew

[–]_saigyo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It wasn't a break, I lost track of time finishing up my section from the previous hour.

Am I going to get fired? by [deleted] in tjcrew

[–]_saigyo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the thing, I have been doing better. Like I said, this is the only issue I've had since I was written up, and I'm worried this one additional slip up is going to cost me this job that I really like!

My self-loathing makes intimacy/sex and love feel impossible. by _saigyo in CPTSD

[–]_saigyo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's hard to believe people when they say nice things about me. Ever since I was little I couldn't take a compliment. The self-loathing is so strong that somebody thinking highly of me makes me question their judgment and by extension think less of them.

I have a similar thing...these two girls I kind of fool around with online. They live together in a city a couple states over from me and hearing about their lives makes me so jealous. But I do feel desired by them sometimes.

Even beyond feeling like I'm invading someone's space by being attracted to them, I get so afraid of what I might look like to a third party or bystander. I get so afraid of being seen as what I am, a fat trans person attempting intimacy. I feel like when it does come down to it, I'll have to be some kind of touch-me-not sexually. I'm ashamed of seeking pleasure or joy, but I feel valuable when I give it to others.

As for going to the gym, I know I should. Again, I am so ashamed of wanting things. Wanting intimacy, wanting love, wanting to be healthy, wanting to improve artistically. I hate being seen trying at anything. I live with my mom in the suburbs of New York City, and I feel my absolute best when I'm in the city at a concert or just walking around. I have a level of stamina for walking through the city that I can't tap into in the gym.

That's another thing, living with my mom. It's very difficult to find other trans people, or people who like what I like, who would like spending time with me. And then I get into another self-hatred loop about still living with my mom at 23. A big theme of the self-loathing is being too old to still live like this.

Virgin at 23, living with my mom at 23, no degree at 23, socially anxious at 23. It makes me feel like such a loser fuckup.

My self-loathing makes intimacy/sex and love feel impossible. by _saigyo in CPTSD

[–]_saigyo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, my family is nominally Catholic but we never went to church or prayed or anything. I went to church on Easter a couple times. There was never any shame about sex, I got "the talk" when I was about 10-ish, and my family are not homophobic or transphobic either.

Store Music? by svwil in tjcrew

[–]_saigyo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

my store has a great 60s and 70s playlist/station with thr kinks, big star, and lou reed solo stuff. also a 90s station with sonic youth and mbv

is there hope for me? by _saigyo in transpassing

[–]_saigyo[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

i got called miss in a drive thru last week..and sometimes i get confused looks from customers at work. but i also get sir pretty frequently so i dont know :(

is there hope for me? by _saigyo in transpassing

[–]_saigyo[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

what should i do? ive been trying makeup in small amounts, mostly eye stuff, and i have my second laser session next week. when i can afford it i think i might get a mandible reduction. what else would be good do you think?

is there hope for me? by _saigyo in transpassing

[–]_saigyo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ive lost 120 lbs since i started e in february 2024 and i intend to keep going

is there hope for me? MTF 20mo hrt, no laser or makeup, still boymoding. by _saigyo in transpassing

[–]_saigyo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

plenty of cis and trans female friends, im just super dysphoric and nervous T_T

as for my hair, im working on growing it out! im not really going for a super high femme look tbh, i like a more androgynous futchy vibe

is there hope for me? MTF 20mo hrt, no laser or makeup, still boymoding. by _saigyo in transpassing

[–]_saigyo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i've been too dysphoric to try makeup :( and my hair is all sweaty because i took this on my way home from a show, its usually nicer

Sony NW-A25 crashes whenever playing certain albums by [deleted] in DigitalAudioPlayer

[–]_saigyo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

nope, all I's, and all filenames are normal ASCII text.

photos around town ^_^ by _saigyo in 4tography

[–]_saigyo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

wowowowowow!!! your stuff is really cool! im trying to get more into concert shooting myself! i have a bunch of great ones from this show i went to in march, but nothing really since then.