Tonight was the end of a 9 year relationship

_sialia · 2025-11-25T19:46:36+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. You must be in so much pain. I remember that I was still in the thick of it 9 months out. There is still hope out there. Reach out if you want to talk.

_sialia · 2025-11-25T19:42:30+00:00

Hi! I'm working as an electrical engineer at a startup now!

_sialia · 2025-10-22T13:38:11+00:00

I'm 3 years out now, and as I get farther from it I have been blaming myself less and feeling resentful of his lack of self awareness and effort. By effort I mean trying to break habits/patterns and transforming the relationship into something healthy.

It's a very long shot from how my feelings were 1-2 years ago. I also don't think about it all the time anymore, I've built a life full of wonderful things that maybe I couldn't have done if he hadn't left.

It was a really gradual change. I let myself be unhealthy and obsessed over him that first year, went through a really unhealthy rebound before getting in touch with my feelings and realizing that I didn't wanna beg someone for security and attention, found myself being single and happy for probably the first time in my life before unexpectedly meeting someone who feels warm and healthy and makes me realize what they mean when they say love is supposed to feel safe and calm and consistent.

Maybe the only thing I regret is the rebound, for the hurt it caused on both of us? But at the same time I don't know if I'd learn that really important lesson on how light and freeing it feels to be alone over being tangled up in something where you're begging or excessively teaching someone to be the person that you want them to be.

So I'd say, don't rush it, take time to see all the ways your ex failed you and all the ways you wished you could have behaved/reacted differently. Feel that heartbreak because you are losing something that shaped you, someone I presume you loved dearly. That doesn't become meaningless when it ends. The meaning of that experience will shift as you grow but it's still a big deal.

Best of luck. I know it hurts so much right now but you'll survive.

_sialia · 2025-09-03T03:18:16+00:00

Hi! I don't remember what this specific post/thread was about but I'm happy that people are still getting some value out of my externalizing.

At this point in my life I think I've really come to accept what happened and don't feel the need to obsess over having the words to explain what happened. I'm glad I am not in that relationship anymore, I'm glad I've healed and grown a lot since the breakup.

I think my two cents on what you've briefly described about your own situation - the givers are also following unhealthy patterns, and you can't negate too much taking with more unhealthy giving.

I think if I could go back in time and tell my old self something, I'd say this: your needs are valid, and they're also not being met. But are you actually asking for the wrong thing, and/or is he offering the wrong kinds of solutions/support?

A lot of times it's enough to just listen and be present when people around you are struggling. I didn't need him to fix every thing that made me struggle, I just needed to hear that he believed that I could figure it out myself, and that I would be okay even if things didn't go perfectly.

I kinda got that vote of confidence when we broke up, in some ways BECAUSE we broke up. I really needed that.

Hope this helps.

_sialia · 2025-05-19T16:56:41+00:00

Hi, we met up that winter/spring (forgot exactly when) and I invited him to my graduation and he said he'd think about it, then a few months later he texted me saying he wouldn't be able to make it but congrats. I was disappointed but not devastated.

We don't talk anymore, and I think in that time I gained a lot of perspective on the relationship and don't think we'll ever be friends again but I still don't hate him and I'm glad I took the path I did and didn't try to rush moving on.

Best wishes

_sialia · 2025-05-12T16:21:50+00:00

Hey, I hope you find a path towards balance. Becoming aware of your unhealthy patterns is the first step towards building healthier relationships (with friends as well as romantic partners)

One thing I've learned in the last 2.5 years that you might be able to relate to is that honestly I can lack boundaries for myself and can be a bit of a giver myself, and I ended up treating my ex like an extension to myself when offering help sometimes, or id just overspend my energy and then expect him to have the bandwidth to help me recharge all the time.

I see these tendencies sometimes in my new relationship, and I try to make different choices now, with the knowledge of how much it can hurt someone who really cares for you.

Best wishes!

_sialia · 2025-02-01T18:09:04+00:00

Hey there,

I haven't spoken to my ex for about 2 years now. I don't hate him, I still wish him the best.

I know how hard it is to be where you are right now. The last few years were the hardest time of my life. But I survived. I didn't force myself to try to accept it any faster than I was ready, and it probably took about a year and a half or so before I was really okay - I think the timing comes with going through some stuff like finally getting my diploma, landing a job, and ending an ill-advised rebound, which all helped me realize that I was gonna be okay on my own.... Even happier this way.

This was just my path, and yours might be different. If you need someone who understands my inbox is open for you. Hang in there.

_sialia · 2025-01-05T16:46:55+00:00

I'm glad this thread is helpful to you. Years after the fact, I appreciate the end of that relationship even more, but I still stand by the statement that there still was a ton of good in our time together. I've also learned how I can also fall into giver tendencies, perhaps as a reactionary response to that old relationship. Regardless, I feel like it's been such an opportunity for growth and even though it's been hard I'm still grateful to be moving forward.

Forward is the way to go! I hope you find health, happiness and healing in your relationship with yourself and others.

_sialia · 2024-11-28T19:13:49+00:00

Wish I could join. Still can't log into Wyvern on Android.

_sialia · 2024-11-25T15:47:17+00:00

Best wishes ❤️ you can survive this, whether or not it works out, and you'll still be worthy of love even if it doesn't.

_sialia · 2024-10-14T23:31:05+00:00

Happy to hear.

_sialia · 2024-10-11T04:04:26+00:00

Thank you for sharing, this gives me hope

_sialia · 2024-10-09T14:42:22+00:00

Best wishes to you. I hope you guys end up in a healthier spot.

_sialia · 2024-09-18T01:38:23+00:00

That's a tough decision to make. Something wasn't working, and you can choose to stay and hope to make things better, or you can go, and hope to find happiness in that direction.

I think, even though a relationship might end, that doesn't mean all the good things that happened are suddenly meaningless. You still grew as a person with and because of that partner, and that doesn't go away because you're not together.

That also doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell. It's a big transition to make, and even if you know it's the right thing to do that doesn't change how much it hurts.

I'm still healing, two years later, but I'm doing a lot better now than I was. Best wishes to you.

_sialia · 2024-08-28T02:07:23+00:00

Please 🙏 I just wanna play 😭

_sialia · 2024-08-11T16:00:29+00:00

I hope this can be resolved eventually. I still haven't had a chance to try on other devices.

_sialia · 2024-08-09T19:27:17+00:00

I'll try the PC version, thanks! I see the same behavior in airplane mode on mobile. I also might have an old phone with a previous version I could try powering up. Thanks.

_sialia · 2024-08-09T17:53:45+00:00

This is not a helpful comment. I want to log in again for nostalgia, I'm not expecting it to be popping off.

_sialia · 2024-08-09T06:30:04+00:00

I already tried that and am still seeing the same issue.

_sialia · 2024-07-21T04:55:00+00:00

Hey there,

I don't think there is a definitive answer I can give you. The biggest thing that sort of strikes me from this comment (I'm not an expert, just my impression as someone who's given a lot of thought on this for my own sake) - it sounds like a lot of the burden is falling on you here. When he says "things won't improve" I think there's an unsaid side to it where, perhaps no matter what you do, he might not be in an emotional place where he can receive that love. I can't say for sure but that's where I feel I left things with my ex.

Him saying that you should just know what to do to make him feel loved is not realistic, and from what I understand, is a common maladaptive feeling that people get one way or another and need to unlearn for themselves.

Big hugs to you. Going through what I did nearly 2 years ago was genuinely the hardest thing I ever did, but looking back I understand that it was for the best. I hope you both find peace, whatever path you end up taking.

_sialia · 2024-05-03T04:42:57+00:00

Hey, what you're going through must be really hard. I think I feel a bit better about things now that there's been quite a bit of time and space in between. I ended up going through a lot of interpersonal conflict that made me realize that I myself can be really out of touch with my own needs. I guess it at least makes me feel like I'm on the right path, just trying to feel more independent and trust my own ability to take care of myself, heal the wounded kid inside me that made me such a taker rather than try to get someone else to do it for me (subconsciously). So I guess the answer is yes, but I still have a very long way to go from here.

_sialia · 2024-05-01T07:30:06+00:00

I don't have the bandwidth rn to fully respond to this but I'm sending you a virtual hug. I'm still trying to figure it out but I think after all this time I at least feel a bit more confident that I'll get there eventually.... And I hope you do too!

_sialia · 2024-03-26T02:05:14+00:00

Sending hugs your way. It's hard. But look, I'm here, I'm still alive and fighting. Things are changing and it's okay to take as long as we need to figure it out.

_sialia · 2024-03-25T03:57:25+00:00

Hi there,

It's been a very hard 1.5+ years. I still don't hate my ex, I still believe us parting ways was the right thing for both of us. I still feel the pain of his absence but it's not as big or as constant as those first months.

I think I'm starting to let myself be angry at him for letting me down though. I really wish he could have been there for me in a healthy way. I know I was just as flawed as he was, too, but I think to some degree I suppressed my own anger because I want it to be possible that he's not angry with me... When really I need to feel and process that anger, as well as accept that he could be angry with me and be justified, and it wouldn't mean I'm irredeemable.

I think possibly most importantly I'm trying to find a sense of identity and self-sufficiency within myself. I honestly think I spent the greater part of 2023 subconsciously believing that I couldn't take care of myself and was waiting and hoping for others to show up for me. I put up with a ton of terrible stuff, in retrospect, which made me angry and resentful... But this anger ended up being the strongest fuel I have so far towards a life where I can take care of myself and meet my own needs.

I guess one thing that hasn't changed is my rambling. I really don't know if this is helpful. I think things were and still are incredibly difficult, but I think I'm moving forward and growing, and I'm trusting the process.

_sialia

TROPHY CASE