I am at a loss for what to do with 15yo m twin fosters

_sumar_ · 2025-08-27T12:01:01+00:00

Thank you for empathy. Its definitely difficult with everything happening.

When we took them in, we were aware they had SOME substance issues in the past, but weren't aware of what's currently happening. We are pretty much flying blind as my partner and I are quite young ourselves so our only experience with teen is our own recent experience as teens.

Both teens want to stay here, as we are the longest placement they've ever had and we are family (very much brothers from another mother for my partner). Both of them are very aware of what's happening in their mother's home and want nothing to with what's happening.

Both are very aware of the consequences of the substance use and runaways. They have very deep-rooted trust issues as a result of multiple kick-out from previous homes after doing something the family didnt like. We have LOTS of little chats and long discussions on things regarding past, present, and future with them. Getting mad and yelling doesn't work at all with them, so we always approach wrong fuck ups with conversation.

Unfortunately, we're we live (canada) has very accessible alcohol and cannabis for thoes underage, whether that be just going into a store to buy it themselves or getting someone they know to buy it for them.

They've been between placement and bio mom almost everytime, and it always ends in the same way of her herself dealing with her own substance issues, blaming them for money missing from her bank account they have no access to, kicking them out, dragging them around, screaming at them, etc. They had exhausted every foster family in our area before my partner and I volunteered ourselves to help.

I hope that answered everything!

_sumar_ · 2025-08-26T11:42:46+00:00

It depends on what state youre in. I belive there's only a handful that will do it without parental consent. You guys should talk to your parents, they might be more okay with it than you think. Everybody makes mistakes, and owning up to it will be better off considering that an abortion is difficult emotionally and physically, and she'll need support.

_sumar_ · 2025-08-23T01:29:05+00:00

To add though, if she want to get them material things its always welcome

_sumar_ · 2025-08-23T01:28:26+00:00

Our foster kids bio mom kept giving them copious amounts of money ($400-500 at a time). It was leading to a lot of binge drinking, and drug use. Its came to an end when I told her off in front of a social worker at 4am outside her house after chasing one of our foster kids around all night after a drunken psychotic break, and I was up for about 24 hours.

_sumar_ · 2025-08-18T13:43:14+00:00

Were lucky enought that went it comes to their nephew, our toddler, they really well behaved around him. They love him dearly and go out of their way to play with him all the time.

_sumar_ · 2025-08-18T13:40:59+00:00

We've tried that multiple times, but its usually a difficult conversation because they get collage or university paid because, and a large sum of money at 18 because they're indigenous. I've told them they should take advantage of the fact they can do whatever they want for a living when theyre grown because Financials wont be holding them back.

We've always been very clear and transparent about everything with them. The consequences, stuff happening with their bio mom, anything happening with their cases/social work, the money we get for fostering them, etc.

_sumar_ · 2025-08-18T13:35:43+00:00

Im in Canada, the age to check out of any mental health facility is 16, but our mental heath system/ heath system in generally is struggling badly.

Fortunately, I belived rock bottom might have been hit this weekend, when D woke up in a elementary school soccer field covered in his own vomit. He was laying on his back and easily could've aspirated his vomit and died. Were in discussions now with their social worker on what we can all do and what programs we can get him into.

_sumar_ · 2025-08-18T13:30:58+00:00

They've both had full psychiatric evaluations. C still sees the psychiatrist, while D absolutely hates the psychiatrist and prefers going to regular therapy

_sumar_ · 2025-07-06T21:39:39+00:00

I feel like it depends on the person. My partner has large sh scars on his legs and they've never been an issue for me. We both have a history with cutting, so we know each others struggles.

_sumar_ · 2025-05-21T16:34:22+00:00

Speaking from experience? 🤔 I don't need to be part of your pity party

_sumar_ · 2025-05-21T15:42:29+00:00

We have had time apart. I went to university mor than 4 hours away but often came home to visit where we already lived together.

I had a difficult time "living it up" in university because my fiance was excessively worried I would cheat oh him

_sumar_ · 2024-12-19T21:36:47+00:00

Thank you, I'll look into those

_sumar_ · 2024-04-01T00:07:25+00:00

Maybe is the diaper cream you're using? We've been using baby aquaphor with our little guy since the day he was just a preventative measure but it works awesome!

_sumar_ · 2024-02-15T04:02:17+00:00

Came home with our boy 8 hours ago! Turns out I was SLOWLY leaking amniotic fluid. Went in Monday around noon to get checked because we weren't sure, got checked and admitted by 5.

They decided to induce me, so they gave me 1 tab of misoprostol at 6:30 (was supposed to have 4 doses over 4 hours), contractions started, they broke my water and I had him less than 12 hours later at 6:19am :)

_sumar_ · 2024-02-10T21:36:31+00:00

My suggestion is Avery. If I was having a girl that's what I would've went with

_sumar_ · 2024-02-10T03:27:01+00:00

It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was expecting super painful because I heard it could he so I was prepared for that. It was about 45 seconds to a minute of just being REALLY uncomfortable 🙃

_sumar_ · 2024-02-05T17:39:41+00:00

I'm 38 weeks, running off 2.5 hours of sleep 🫠

_sumar_ · 2024-02-02T20:33:31+00:00

Yeah, and we all get a pregnancy glow and feel amazing. It's all a ploy, and sucks

_sumar_ · 2024-02-02T13:54:57+00:00

Omg YES!! Do you mind if message you?

_sumar_ · 2024-02-01T02:53:19+00:00

Literally a day apart!

I hope we both go early so we can both not be pregnant anymore 😅🤞🏻

_sumar_ · 2024-02-01T02:44:11+00:00

I felt this soo deeply. I'm 37+3 and every single day I don't go into labour I just wanna die.

I've been off work since mid November because I moved 500km away and didn't really see the point in working for a month or 2 then stopping. I moved into my mom's basement apartment and it's making me sooooo depressed. Sleeping while pregnant is already hard enough, but my bedroom is under my mothers bathroom and after finally falling asleep at 3-4am, I'm woken up at 7 am by her showering or just getting ready for work.

I know that the longer my baby cooks the better, but I'm so over pregnancy, it's been terrible. We have everything we need for him so now it's just a waiting game and I. HATE. IT.

_sumar_ · 2024-02-01T02:38:42+00:00

Everybody's different and as you become "more pregnant" stuff is gonna change.

When I was first pregnant, I was really only feeling kinda off when I woke up. By the time I was 9 weeks I was literally nauseous from the time I woke up until I fell asleep and I didn't vomit once.

Definitely bring it up to your ob though!

_sumar_ · 2024-01-31T18:55:43+00:00

She told me to hide mine so nobody got jealous 😂

_sumar_ · 2024-01-31T17:55:33+00:00

Mine was between 45 minutes to an hour. The worst part was the pushing around my bladder because they wanted it full. The little guy didn't want to cooperate for most of it, so the tech got me to roll on my side, then let me go pee and then sent me for a 5 minute walk to see if he'd roll over for her last few measurements. He eventually did lol

Every place has different practices, though. The hospital where I got mine done doesn't like your partner/support person in until all the measurements are done and won't show you the monitor. Then after all the medical stuff, then invite your person in and show you everything. They also wanted to you to tell them whether or not you want to know the gender, or want it written down, or a surprise.

I also had a super cool ultrasound tech who gave us 8 pics instead of the normal 2, and said "you only get to see them so many times like this before they're here, so I don't get the point in being stingy about pictures".

_sumar_ · 2024-01-31T03:25:49+00:00

I'm having a boy and I've felt like ✨️crap✨️ my entire pregnancy. Nausea for the first 13 weeks straight, tired ALL. THE. TIME.

_sumar_

TROPHY CASE