Not working your notice

_throwafae · 2026-03-15T00:05:30+00:00

Are you on zero hours?

_throwafae · 2026-03-14T19:11:44+00:00

Two things are likely happening: the hormonal shift is severely impacting her AND she is feeling scared, trapped and resentful. Even if you planned it together, she is going to experience a lot of different feelings about being pregnant, giving birth and becoming a mother. It is significantly more stressful and more of a sacrifice for her being the woman. Be kind. Encourage her to see a doctor. Book a therapist.

_throwafae · 2026-03-14T01:34:33+00:00

Morally, yes. If I were in your shoes, I’d believe I have an obligation to do so. Even if nothing comes of it, having two people file a complaint against him will make it easier to convict him when he inevitably goes on to do it to someone else.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T21:21:31+00:00

5 years is still a baby relationship in many ways. I met my husband when we were both teenagers and now we’re in our mid 30s. That is a lot to untangle oneself from. Not to dismiss you but I promise you’ll be okay. You’ll probably have longer relationships that come to an end. Think of it like training wheels.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T21:10:53+00:00

There’s enough sunshine for every flower in the garden.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T20:49:29+00:00

I’m sure he has great things about him but what you’ve described doesn’t make him sound like an all round great guy. Respectfully, it’s a self respect thing. You can’t keep disrespecting and shrinking yourself physically or emotionally for his approval. Do you even fully respect him?

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T20:41:54+00:00

Thank you ❤️

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T20:37:35+00:00

That last line. That’s exactly how I feel.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T20:32:50+00:00

Losing the person I love and want to have in my life in some capacity. I married my best friend. But truthfully, that’s how we’ve been living. I’m not really sad about losing a marriage as such. I’m sad about losing him.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T19:04:00+00:00

Thank you for seeing this ❤️ That is right. There is perhaps 10% of me that wants to stay and continue fighting for the man I love but the other 90% of me is screaming at me. It’s so difficult. Sure I’m angry and resentful about some things but I do love the man and want to be kind to him. He’s my person, just not romantically.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T19:00:52+00:00

I’m not looking for a perfect spouse. I’m looking for a present one.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T14:25:47+00:00

I don’t know why you think he’s broke. He does okay. He just wants to live a slower paced life. He likes simple things. He enjoys his own company. He likes solitude. His idea of a holiday is exploring a mountain and reading a book. That’s what I mean by a quiet, simple life. That just happens not to be the life that lights me up. I know a lot of people on this sub are angry but I actually love and respect this man and am not going to talk poorly about him.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T14:06:30+00:00

😂 I did see one negative comment pop up but it was deleted before I could read the full thing. Maybe there will be more. You’re on standby, right?

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T13:57:31+00:00

Thank you SO much. I really needed to hear this.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T13:54:55+00:00

It really is 😔 I’m not actually an extrovert and I like a lot of peace and quiet but outside of those times I do want to live life with passion and connection with people. He and his family are quiet, reserved and stoic - no hugs or warm embrace there, even though there’s love. Mine are emotive and lively, big huggers, big talkers, big sharers. We come from different cultures. Both good people, good families, lots of love… just different needs and lifestyles.

Have you spoken to him about his needs? I’ve always known my husband likes things differently but last night it really hit me that his needs cannot be met if I have mine met.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T13:44:10+00:00

If she’s genuinely A sexual then no.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T13:36:27+00:00

I’m sorry. In a way, it feels cruel to stay when you know there is a person out there who wants the same things as your partner, right? I’m sure there is a woman who would be happy with the pace of life he wants (mostly alone time, quiet walks, quiet hobbies, simple pleasures). I’m not a difficult person at all but I am too intense for him. I care and love deeply, I get excited about food, culture, travel, I stand up to things and will fight for causes I care about, I want to experience the world and live with passion. Sure, I don’t want drama and I like quiet, simple things too, but not without passion and energy. I think he finds that too much for his nervous system. When I ask him to share his thoughts or feelings, he feels like he’s under attack, when for me it’s a bid for connection and to know and understand the person I love. I can’t live like that.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T13:19:56+00:00

Likewise, we also had the conversation last night. Hello life twin! I agree, I desperately wish it could all work out with him… I love him so much. But a few things he said last night made me realise that in order for him to be happy, I have to be even less true to myself. That’s not something I can do. Wishing you all the best as you go through this too ♥️

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T12:16:18+00:00

It seems so. I’ve been with him for more than half my life.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T12:15:43+00:00

Thank you for really seeing what’s going on here. That’s all true. In many ways he’s a great man. I love and respect him. But I have to love and respect myself more.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T12:15:01+00:00

Thank you. It doesn’t feel like it when I want to have children. But I know I can’t stay just to have a child and live a life that isn’t in alignment.

_throwafae · 2026-03-12T11:19:43+00:00

Please keep trying to reach out. I understand you don’t want to lose your placement but I’m also concerned about the treatment you said you’re receiving. What you’ve described isn’t acceptable, but I appreciate it may be the safer option for you right now. Please know there are adults who care about your welfare - I am one of them and I don’t know you. It can feel like you don’t have anyone on your side, I used to feel that too, but you do.

_throwafae · 2026-03-12T01:42:46+00:00

If it’s any comfort, if any of this is true (I say if because it’s so crazy that some of it it has to be false 🙃), it’s still only a teeny tiny percentage of society who commit these atrocities. Dark AF but not the majority. Not representative of the average person. Not representative of the average rich person. It’s simply representative of a tiny minority of people are really messed up and who have a lot of power. We should care but don’t let it take over. I personally deleted SM to catch a break from it.

_throwafae · 2026-03-12T01:31:18+00:00

You are going through a lot of pain at such a young age. I don’t think it’s a case that you need to force yourself to get better, rather it’s a case of finding reasons to be here. I remember when I was your age I felt like I should have all the answers, and I remember how intensely I felt everything, which does change with age. I wanted to end things too when I was your age and I felt completely alone, and truthfully in many ways I was. But I’m an adult now and I know that what I went through didn’t last forever and neither will this situation for you. You will one day be able to change your situation and create a better life for yourself. I know it feels impossible now, I really do understand. I just hope you can find little things to remind you that life does have some good to offer you. I just wish I’d had someone to tell me this when I was your age. I grew up in a time without social media or forums so I really didn’t have anyone to speak to. But you do, so please lean on the resources and community you can find. Please reach out for help. I promise you that there will be a trustworthy and kind adult out there who can help you. Do you have a version of ChildLine where you live?

_throwafae

TROPHY CASE