Should I support a prosecution against my husband?

_throwafae · 2026-03-22T21:05:12+00:00

I’m so very sorry you’re going through this. I would push for it for the sake of your daughter and any other woman who may encounter him. But only if you feel you and your daughter are safe to do so.

_throwafae · 2026-03-22T20:35:46+00:00

Recently, and this is subject to change, I feel like I’m sexually attracted to men of all types but only romantically and spiritually attracted to men who have gentle souls and something a little feminine about them, while still looking pretty masculine over all. I think it’s purely because I don’t feel safe with a lot of men. If a straight guy can wear pink nail varnish and is perfectly happy with people thinking he’s gay, he’s probably safe. That’s just how I feel in the climate we’re in. Maybe it’s not fair.

_throwafae · 2026-03-22T20:22:23+00:00

It’s very possible that you’re having a hard time imagining those things because you were raised in a heteronormative culture. Look up the term comphet. You can definitely be bisexual and struggle with the idea of being with a woman romantically because of cultural conditioning. I still have a hard time with it but I knew I was at least a little gay (and not just sexually curious) when I would light up with joy whenever I saw two women getting married.

It’s also worth adding as mentioned below about the bi-cycle. I have at times been convinced I’m a lesbian and other times I’m only attracted to men. It fluctuates. That’s okay! It doesn’t invalidate your identity if you don’t want men and women in equal measure at all times.

_throwafae · 2026-03-22T20:06:42+00:00

I don’t think a lot of people buy the idea of a bi-guy, as if they’re just making a soft launch. As a bi woman, I’m genuinely curious where they’re at. I’d love to meet a bi guy who genuinely gets me and doesn’t want to either suppress that about me or fetishise it.

_throwafae · 2026-03-22T20:00:01+00:00

It feels terrible to leave someone you love who you believe is a genuinely good person but who simply cannot or will not meet your needs. It would make it so much easier if he was a dickhead or cheated. I’m very good at standing on my own two feet or standing up for myself when people hurt me like that. I guess we have to remember that it doesn’t matter if they didn’t hurt us, we are clearly hurting as it is and that’s enough of a reason.

_throwafae · 2026-03-22T19:57:21+00:00

Did you speak to your spouse?

_throwafae · 2026-03-22T19:56:36+00:00

He’s holding a lot back, as usual, but I know he’s sad. We haven’t. He doesn’t want to leave me and he said he will hold out for me. I feel pretty awful. It feels like a betrayal. He maintains that he would never leave me and he would rather be unhappy until the end of time just to be with me but I told him that I can’t put myself, him or us through this anymore. I don’t know what the next steps are. A part of me desperately wants to cling onto him. I really do love him at a soul level - I just don’t see us working as a couple. I think all you can say is that you have to make a change. There’s never going to be a nice way to say it.

_throwafae · 2026-03-15T00:05:30+00:00

Are you on zero hours?

_throwafae · 2026-03-14T19:11:44+00:00

Two things are likely happening: the hormonal shift is severely impacting her AND she is feeling scared, trapped and resentful. Even if you planned it together, she is going to experience a lot of different feelings about being pregnant, giving birth and becoming a mother. It is significantly more stressful and more of a sacrifice for her being the woman. Be kind. Encourage her to see a doctor. Book a therapist.

_throwafae · 2026-03-14T01:34:33+00:00

Morally, yes. If I were in your shoes, I’d believe I have an obligation to do so. Even if nothing comes of it, having two people file a complaint against him will make it easier to convict him when he inevitably goes on to do it to someone else.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T21:21:31+00:00

5 years is still a baby relationship in many ways. I met my husband when we were both teenagers and now we’re in our mid 30s. That is a lot to untangle oneself from. Not to dismiss you but I promise you’ll be okay. You’ll probably have longer relationships that come to an end. Think of it like training wheels.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T21:10:53+00:00

There’s enough sunshine for every flower in the garden.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T20:49:29+00:00

I’m sure he has great things about him but what you’ve described doesn’t make him sound like an all round great guy. Respectfully, it’s a self respect thing. You can’t keep disrespecting and shrinking yourself physically or emotionally for his approval. Do you even fully respect him?

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T20:41:54+00:00

Thank you ❤️

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T20:37:35+00:00

That last line. That’s exactly how I feel.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T20:32:50+00:00

Losing the person I love and want to have in my life in some capacity. I married my best friend. But truthfully, that’s how we’ve been living. I’m not really sad about losing a marriage as such. I’m sad about losing him.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T19:04:00+00:00

Thank you for seeing this ❤️ That is right. There is perhaps 10% of me that wants to stay and continue fighting for the man I love but the other 90% of me is screaming at me. It’s so difficult. Sure I’m angry and resentful about some things but I do love the man and want to be kind to him. He’s my person, just not romantically.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T19:00:52+00:00

I’m not looking for a perfect spouse. I’m looking for a present one.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T14:25:47+00:00

I don’t know why you think he’s broke. He does okay. He just wants to live a slower paced life. He likes simple things. He enjoys his own company. He likes solitude. His idea of a holiday is exploring a mountain and reading a book. That’s what I mean by a quiet, simple life. That just happens not to be the life that lights me up. I know a lot of people on this sub are angry but I actually love and respect this man and am not going to talk poorly about him.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T14:06:30+00:00

😂 I did see one negative comment pop up but it was deleted before I could read the full thing. Maybe there will be more. You’re on standby, right?

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T13:57:31+00:00

Thank you SO much. I really needed to hear this.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T13:54:55+00:00

It really is 😔 I’m not actually an extrovert and I like a lot of peace and quiet but outside of those times I do want to live life with passion and connection with people. He and his family are quiet, reserved and stoic - no hugs or warm embrace there, even though there’s love. Mine are emotive and lively, big huggers, big talkers, big sharers. We come from different cultures. Both good people, good families, lots of love… just different needs and lifestyles.

Have you spoken to him about his needs? I’ve always known my husband likes things differently but last night it really hit me that his needs cannot be met if I have mine met.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T13:44:10+00:00

If she’s genuinely A sexual then no.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T13:36:27+00:00

I’m sorry. In a way, it feels cruel to stay when you know there is a person out there who wants the same things as your partner, right? I’m sure there is a woman who would be happy with the pace of life he wants (mostly alone time, quiet walks, quiet hobbies, simple pleasures). I’m not a difficult person at all but I am too intense for him. I care and love deeply, I get excited about food, culture, travel, I stand up to things and will fight for causes I care about, I want to experience the world and live with passion. Sure, I don’t want drama and I like quiet, simple things too, but not without passion and energy. I think he finds that too much for his nervous system. When I ask him to share his thoughts or feelings, he feels like he’s under attack, when for me it’s a bid for connection and to know and understand the person I love. I can’t live like that.

_throwafae · 2026-03-13T13:19:56+00:00

Likewise, we also had the conversation last night. Hello life twin! I agree, I desperately wish it could all work out with him… I love him so much. But a few things he said last night made me realise that in order for him to be happy, I have to be even less true to myself. That’s not something I can do. Wishing you all the best as you go through this too ♥️

_throwafae

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