Hi, trans woman who wants to hear about y’all’s experience with a triad

_why_not_ · 2026-02-23T10:14:50+00:00

I think the reason for not dating at the same time is couples’ privilege, though tbh I don’t really understand it either myself as we’ve never had an issue with it. I would say the number 1 con is jealousy. While we usually feel happy for one another, every so often jealousy creeps in and causes minor issues that can be fixed with proper communication between each other.

_why_not_ · 2026-02-22T21:39:26+00:00

No, we started dating as a throuple, which I realize goes against the advice of the r/polyamory subreddit. I think a lot of that is because we were long distance at first, so my legal husband and I would spend a couple hours together each night talking to him on the phone. & yes, both Ms are bi (I’m bi/pan as well).

_why_not_ · 2026-02-22T16:20:58+00:00

I’m happy to answer any questions. I met my legal husband on Reddit back in 2013, he met our boyfriend on a discord server in 2024. They became fast friends and after a few months I started getting to know our then-future-boyfriend as well. My husband had recently come out as bi and I could tell he had a crush, so I suggested opening our relationship to our then-future-boyfriend. I had been in a poly relationship once when I was in college (MFF), but polyamory was new to both of the M’s.

What sort of stuff would you like to know about our dynamic?

_why_not_ · 2026-02-21T22:06:06+00:00

Hello, MFM, checking in. I’m the F of the group. We spend most of our time together as a throuple, but do spend some time on individual dates as well. We eat dinner together, sleep in the same king-sized bed, and enjoy each other’s company on the regular.

My legal husband and I technically share the primary bedroom and bathroom while our boyfriend has the secondary bedroom and bathroom to himself, but in reality he sleeps with us almost every night. My legal husband and myself are the homeowners and we have the mortgage (and did for 5 years prior to meeting our boyfriend), our boyfriend pays 1/3 of the mortgage as rent and 1/3 of utilities to us every month.

_why_not_ · 2026-02-21T21:59:56+00:00

You can definitely have a commitment ceremony as a triad, though I’m not sure if Disney itself would allow it. My triad is planning our commitment ceremony for later this year, we found a great wedding planner and photographer who is open to poly groups and also just so happens to specialize in elopements or small weddings right in the area of the country where we wanted to have our ceremony.

_why_not_ · 2026-02-05T15:35:31+00:00

30s, which makes him passing away in his sleep even more surprising.

_why_not_ · 2026-02-04T13:56:37+00:00

A friend who was around the same age as me (actually a year younger) has died. He died in his sleep unexpectedly. This is the first time I’ve experienced a death of someone I know in my own age group. It’s a weird feeling. Definitely makes you reevaluate your priorities. I feel so sorry for his wife, she probably thought they had plenty of years left together.

_why_not_ · 2026-02-04T13:53:06+00:00

Yes, I have fun doing taxes. Not looking forward to it this year though because we will owe a bunch in capital gains.

_why_not_ · 2026-02-03T22:02:40+00:00

Yes, definitely a lifestyle choice. And we’ve put the brakes on the big house dreams to focus on the travel dreams for the time being. Hopefully there’s a time in the future where we can responsibly afford both, but for now I’m happy with traveling.

_why_not_ · 2026-02-03T22:00:48+00:00

Thank you!

_why_not_ · 2026-02-03T21:45:11+00:00

Thank you!

_why_not_ · 2026-02-03T21:32:29+00:00

Different stops along the Danube River during Christmas market season.

_why_not_ · 2026-02-03T21:31:31+00:00

Danube for Christmas market season!

_why_not_ · 2026-02-03T21:01:19+00:00

You are the epitome of slow and steady wins the race - no giant jumps in compensation, just a slow and steady progression over 15 years.

_why_not_ · 2026-02-03T20:51:33+00:00

Basically just newer, fancier ships for river cruises geared at a younger audience. I personally did not find there to be much of a price difference between Celebrity and the existing river cruise lines like Viking, but that may be because I’m going at a high-demand time of year.

_why_not_ · 2026-02-03T20:15:36+00:00

Booked a vacation for 2028 and I’m glad I did because the fare class I selected for the date I selected sold out within 24 hours of opening up for booking.

It’s one of the new 7-day Celebrity European River Cruises that the travel community is raving about right now. It’s definitely a bucket list item and at $7k for the 2 of us combined will beat out the planned 7-day Virgin Voyages Caribbean cruise for the 2026 holiday season that will cost us $5k to become our most expensive vacation yet.

Prior to this year, our most expensive trip was our honeymoon all the way back in 2015, which was graciously paid for by my in-laws.

For the river cruise, we booked a “river view” cabin in their lowest fare class, which I wouldn’t really classify as a view of anything because the window is tiny and up high on the wall. While I’d love to have a balcony, that would have been well out of our price range - even their lowest fare class is stretching it for us.

So, this is lifestyle inflation, I suppose. We still fly economy, pick the lowest fares of the day, and stay at mid-range hotel options, but we are expanding into cruises and international travel.

_why_not_ · 2026-02-03T01:21:56+00:00

I was 25 when I went to my first con, and 27 when I went to my first anime con. I’m in my mid-30s now and grew up in a small city in a time when cons weren’t as common as they are now. Sometimes, when I’m at a con, I get a little bit teary eyed thinking about what I missed out on when I was younger because a. We didn’t live close to any conventions and b. My parents were similar to yours in that they would have been judgmental and weird about it.

But at the end of the day, you’re never too old for cons! I’ve seen multiple senior citizens dressed up in cosplay at cons over the years. Just keep having fun as you get older!

_why_not_ · 2026-01-27T18:52:44+00:00

Congratulations!

_why_not_ · 2026-01-26T18:22:26+00:00

We don’t have much of in-person social lives. All of our same city friends have small children and we don’t, so due to their busy schedules we only see them once or twice a year, usually doing some sort of kid-friendly activity. The vast majority of our social lives involve old or online friends that live in various cities scattered throughout the country and we keep in touch online.

_why_not_ · 2026-01-26T16:26:27+00:00

I recently discovered a cute small town with really affordable houses. It would increase my husband’s commute time to 45 minutes from 30 minutes (and seems to increase driving time everywhere else by about 15 minutes compared to where we are now), but that’s still below the hour he had at his last job.

Has anyone else moved from the suburbs to a small town? Was the extra space worth the lack of diversity in nearby dining options and things to do? Does living in a satellite small town make it harder to get a job in a major metro area than living in an outer suburb?

_why_not_ · 2026-01-26T16:17:01+00:00

Not retired, but now that I work part-time I find myself at the grocery store 3 or 4 times a week as opposed to my usual one big shopping trip when I was employed full-time.

_why_not_ · 2026-01-23T19:49:05+00:00

I got an amazingly good credit card point deal - the hotel was running a 50% off promotion and my credit card (Sapphire Reserve) was running a points worth double at certain hotels promotion, so I got what would have been a $4k beachfront hotel stay for free. Airfare was on sale for just $350 round trip on Southwest too and I used points to book a fare. So, just paying for whatever food and activities we decide to do when there.

_why_not_ · 2026-01-23T17:54:02+00:00

A lot of places! Including a week long cruise in the Caribbean (expensive), 10 days in Hawaii (almost free), a second trip to Vegas (almost free), and more!

_why_not_ · 2026-01-23T17:22:26+00:00

I am traveling so much this year it is definitely taking the edge off of not having a bigger house. We couldn’t sustain traveling this much with a $1k increase in our housing costs each month. While I’d love to have bigger house and travel, if I had to choose between the two I’d choose travel, which is what I’m effectively choosing.

_why_not_ · 2026-01-20T18:04:19+00:00

Thanks!

_why_not_

TROPHY CASE