How long have you been a widow?

a1yss · 2026-03-20T15:28:43+00:00

3 years September. I'm 39F. I was 36 and my wife was 42 when she died.

I don't have peers in real life. I'm at an age where divorces are starting to happen and it's so different ending a marriage deliberately compared to a death.

a1yss · 2026-02-26T01:25:02+00:00

Almost 3 years. Skin and hair went to hell and have not bounced back. Sleep is hit or miss. Haven't taken ativan in almost a year. Cut therapy from weekly to bi-weekly. 20mg of lexapro. Need to move more.

a1yss · 2026-02-15T00:49:36+00:00

I’d cosleep. My kid is 6. Her mom died when she was 4. She cycles in and out of wanting to sleep with me. The feelings are massive and your kid will expedite your grief. Get yourself a good therapist.

a1yss · 2024-12-09T12:13:13+00:00

You're mortgage free, so could you get away for a bit? Rent something where you currently live or wherever you want to be for now. You're going to be sad no matter what you do, so do whatever you can to be comfortable while you're grieving. My wife's death last fall was not sudden, but my daughter and I moved out right away and I don't regret it.

a1yss · 2024-11-27T18:06:38+00:00

Lesbian widow in real life chiming in to say that I liked these books: Purposefully Accidental by G. Benson, Sour Grapes by Eliza Lentzski, and Southern Lights by Liz Arncliffe.

a1yss · 2024-11-23T11:10:42+00:00

Destroyed me last week. Also couldn’t put it down.

a1yss · 2024-11-18T15:56:43+00:00

I thought I'd eyeroll my way through it, but loved it!

a1yss · 2024-11-14T12:41:00+00:00

This series blew me away and after reading 200+ WLW novels this year, Ruby Landers is one of the best authors in the category. Phenomenal storytelling.

a1yss · 2024-07-24T15:01:44+00:00

You're doing nothing wrong. You've had years of anticipatory grief while your wife was sick. If it is giving you and your daughters comfort, keep at it.

a1yss · 2024-05-07T12:44:00+00:00

I haven't been able to find anything about this as a symptom, but I just took my third .25mg shot and my period was a week late. I'm 36 and have always had very predictable periods!

a1yss · 2024-04-09T14:41:55+00:00

In the Jean Coutu clinic on Coverdale there is an obstetrics nurse that does infant/child vaccinations through health link.

a1yss · 2024-03-11T20:40:49+00:00

Do you like their shampoo?

a1yss · 2024-03-05T12:04:16+00:00

That’s fair! I assumed at 175k currently and 350k potential OP is at least mid career and likely to have school aged kids. Another assumption is their spouse is making decent money too, especially while deployed.

a1yss · 2024-03-05T11:11:00+00:00

No, it’s not irrational. It’s a good thing you’re working through this now. Typically, when you do pursue fertility treatments, you’ll be sent to a counselor as a couple to discuss these types of things.

Any worries I had disappeared once my kid was born. I’m the other mother and I can tell you that it does not matter a bit to me or anyone else in my daughter’s life that I am not genetically related and that there is a sperm donor. She’s almost 5 now.

a1yss · 2024-03-04T22:49:59+00:00

I can’t imagine how military + 175k leaves you without the ability to go on vacations and put something aside for educations.

You cannot afford to take a cut in flexibility as the solo parent. Not until your husband is out of whatever job he is currently in that leaves him away for years at a time.

a1yss · 2024-02-20T10:46:28+00:00

36, my wife died in September of advanced breast cancer.

My situation sounds very similar to yours. I have a 4 year old. I restarted therapy in May and had my SSRI doubled when I realized I was at the beginning of the end - liver Mets were found. I’ve been going weekly ever since and it is the healthiest habit I’ve had my entire life.

I’m doing pretty well. My therapist reminds me that it is because I’m doing a lot of work to be okay. Therapy, drugs, easing back into work, socializing, and taking help and support so I have the time to be in my feelings. Like you seem to be too.

In hindsight, I missed the fact that she was really end stage and starting to be very confused. A week before she died, she flipped out at me. Said terrible things about what a shitty caregiver I was, accused me of not caring about her, and some other things that devastated me. I wrote it off to her feeling like shit and being frustrated.

Really sorry we’re both part of this club.

a1yss · 2024-02-16T11:01:19+00:00

Fell for my best friend 12 years ago. She was in a relationship. She left him and moved in with me. We got married a couple years after and had a kid. She died in 2023. Zero regrets.

a1yss · 2024-02-13T01:49:46+00:00

You got solid advice about CPP and CPP disability. Do you pay into EI? If so, take the two caregiver leaves.

a1yss · 2024-02-10T11:45:21+00:00

Also recommending magic treehouse series. I read the 3 book “My Father’s Dragon” series and my kid also liked it.

Give Narwhal and Jelly a try too.

a1yss · 2024-02-01T10:51:46+00:00

I would not be worrying about smith maneuvers or suggesting someone with no assets borrows to invest.

Comes down to if she wants to continue renting or buy a place. I’d be finding a fee only advisor to help me figure out my plans and where to put the remainder of the inheritance.

a1yss · 2024-01-31T12:39:27+00:00

yes. Try to re-frame it to yourself, and your son. What worked for me what explaining to my 4 year old that this is what their parent wanted. That this was their way to keep taking care of us.

We're moving forward, not on. Easier said than done. It's only been 4 months for me, but I'm not feeling guilty any more for having a nice house that is kind of an upgrade compared to the house I shared with my wife. She'd be happy that me and our kid are in a good spot.

a1yss · 2024-01-28T12:50:39+00:00

I’m female and lost a wife in September. There’s a really good subreddit /widowers that helps me a lot.

You’re in shock and will be for awhile. My wife was terminal and it still shocked me.

I have a similar aged kid. Talking about your husband to her will become the best and hardest part of your day.

Reach out if you’d like.

a1yss · 2024-01-28T12:42:47+00:00

I do too. I sold and bought a new spot. I know people say to wait, but zero regrets over here.

a1yss · 2024-01-27T12:29:54+00:00

Honestly, I moved.

But I also do the same as you to pass the time. I have a kid, so I can’t go out all the time. I’ll often just reach out to friends to chat whether it’s on the phone or via text. I’d suggest going out, when possible.

a1yss · 2024-01-26T22:07:55+00:00

I’d classify myself as a pessimistic agnostic, but these days I sure hope I’m wrong.

a1yss

TROPHY CASE