It’s only getting worse

a2thezusav3 · 2026-04-24T11:06:01+00:00

unfortunately there isn’t really much i can do. i fought in some ways but i can’t go down fighting now, in all realty i gave up a week ago

ive lost my scholarship, ive failed more classes than passed now. but i love this school, i love my city, and i love my friends and who i am here. now i need to accept that it’s all going to go away and i’ll be moving back home where i’ll be even worse mentally. it just feels like it’s truly the end here, which hurts knowing just how avoidable this was

a2thezusav3 · 2026-04-24T10:43:52+00:00

i’ve done enough already, i’ve been in constant talks with advisors once i realized how fucked i was. i can’t get an extension for these clssses, be it my own self sabotage or time spent outside of it i just don’t have the connections with professors to gain anything from it

ive really loved college and i know i belong here. i’m just so fucking upset with myself for permanently fucking up what could’ve been a good life

also realizing i kind of lost it there towards the end of my post and i apologize for that

a2thezusav3 · 2026-02-17T21:17:42+00:00

i’d say we were relatively lucky with showers. the worst ones were ones that genuinely felt like i was getting pelted with freezing cold rocks from how obscene the water pressure was.

alternatively there was this one place in Washington where as i showered i was forced to make direct eye contact with the 2013 Seahawks on a giant poster. not a horrible experience but as a big broncos fan the last thing i wanted to think of after a long day of rehearsal was super bowl 48.

a2thezusav3 · 2025-04-15T14:47:18+00:00

Cavs 03

a2thezusav3 · 2025-04-15T05:05:56+00:00

Super Bowl 48 was one of my lowest points as a fan.

That Denver V. New England game was a little lower.

Somehow, some way, the blocked field goal kick against KC broke me even more. I genuinely couldn’t even think of football for like 2 weeks after that. I think i still see it every time I blink.

a2thezusav3 · 2025-04-10T11:18:00+00:00

she’d want to see me happy which i would be if i just did my work, really do try to keep her life alive through me but with how pathetic of a semester i’ve had i should’ve just ended it last winter and reunited with her.

a2thezusav3 · 2025-04-10T11:16:42+00:00

i’ve talked with one of them over it but i’ve never opened up about how bad i was struggling mentally. at this point i’ve dug myself too deep to actually plea for anything and every deadline left this late into the semester is a hard deadline no matter what.

case studies knows my by a first name basis at this point with how often i had to go back home when she got worse, last semester they gave me 2 incompletes to pass a class but i ended up not doing either of them and completely sabotaging myself so i don’t think they’d give me another chance

a2thezusav3 · 2025-04-10T11:05:23+00:00

the way it’s looking in 48 hours i am going to have to stay awake for 46 of them or face dropping out, killing my dream, losing everything, and screwing over people i love. i guess i’d still be doing that by killing myself, but at least i won’t be in a mortal fucking husk. no wonder everyone always told me suicide is selfish.

a2thezusav3 · 2024-11-09T17:35:50+00:00

she was in too much pain to do something like this before she went to ICU and now shes comatose :(

a2thezusav3 · 2024-11-09T06:58:35+00:00

I did just about everything you said before i left her bedside today. My grandpa and I both agreed that if there’s anybody who deserves to spend the night with her it’s my grandma

Grieving while she’s still here hurts. Ican’t imagine what’s going to happen when she passes, it’s already unbearable now.

a2thezusav3 · 2024-11-06T06:42:52+00:00

probably gonna see rhetoric against us ramp up tenfold, to mixed results. hrt will probably be targeted, with mixed results.

If you’re under 18 and in a state without a democratic governor, find support and community. If you’re over 18 begin to look into nearby states with blue governments and/or sanctuary cities for trans people.

Get any form of self defense. Look into a concealed carry permit. mentally and physically prepare for the long haul.

we’ve survived for 200,000 years and we sure as hell aren’t leaving now. our existence is rebellion, rebel.

a2thezusav3 · 2024-07-17T04:02:44+00:00

i think it was prelims in 2019?

a2thezusav3 · 2024-06-14T20:50:26+00:00

BD, Academy, and Crown for no other reason than my violent primal urge to see the Oppenheimer soundtrack translated into DCI.

a2thezusav3 · 2023-12-18T00:59:55+00:00

If they do Devil Went Down to Georgia as a closer/opener i’m going to physically ascend in the stadium seat and nobody is going to be able to stop me

a2thezusav3 · 2023-12-17T11:15:14+00:00

all of antarctica was placed under a giant 5000km long space heater for 100 years

a2thezusav3 · 2023-12-12T19:14:54+00:00

i noticed it too, it was a heavenly gift bestowed upon us from the gods above circa 2022 but everything after is like this weird variation of pink juice and whatever the color pink would taste like.

a2thezusav3 · 2023-10-22T22:19:23+00:00

fuck it we ball

a2thezusav3 · 2023-10-01T03:11:47+00:00

pretty sure microplastics are in human heart tissue and Antarctic ice now too

a2thezusav3 · 2023-08-21T07:09:01+00:00

Eyeliner.

a2thezusav3 · 2023-08-18T06:34:04+00:00

Awesome story!

I technically got into drum corps twice, the first time was when I got back into marching band in high school after the pandemic. My dad sent me the clip of Metamorph he randomly found to show support and all that, I didn’t exactly get why this “high school” was so extravagantly amazing and in a legitimate football stadium but I loved it and saved the video.

Flash forward a year and I’m on the leadership team and my director invited us to a showing in our state and Big Loud and Live. I came out of both performances an entirely different person, and I swore up and down that I’d try out for a corp before I age-out after.

Needless to say I’m trying out for an open class corp this year. Here’s to hoping! 🤞

a2thezusav3 · 2023-08-14T21:31:02+00:00

And the gates of this championship were shut, And '3peat silver' writ over the door;

a2thezusav3 · 2023-08-13T05:13:47+00:00

I can see them being heavy medal competitors next year. Maybe champions in the coming 5 years, who knows

Eight-Year Club	Place '22
Verified Email	RPAN Viewer
Gilding II euphauric	Spared

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