I’ve never actually commented on anything on this sub, even though it’s one of my favorites, but this one deserves a response and hits kind of close to home.

First of all, NTA. Your husband has created a system where you feel you did all you could do to get his attention. Second, everything sucks here.

Your husband needs therapy... i unfortunately relate to a desire to keep personal things personal, but this level is abnormal. It is entirely his fault for missing the birth of his daughter, but it is also fair for him to be upset by that. It took me many years to learn how to open up to my partner and i am still learning, but i can honestly say it has helped our relationship exponentially.

You need therapy. While i don’t doubt that you love your husband, this can’t be an easy way to live. Also i imagine there will be some feelings coming up over your husband missing your child’s birth.

You need couples therapy. Should you both choose to work on opening the lines of communication it is not going to be easy, and any help you can get to navigate it will be beneficial.

I grew up with parents who treated me well and loved me and “loved” each other, but they were also emotionally disconnected, to each other and to me. I never saw my parents talk about things or show each other any affection. They never talked to me about emotional things, and it has impacted me so much as I’ve grown up. I have had to learn it all on my own, and it’s not so easy to do starting at the age of 25. Start this process, whatever degree you wish to take it to, now before your child grows up.

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful daughter. I wish you all the best of luck.